As I mentioned, a friend of mine attempted suicide last Friday. His life was saved by his friends, the police and hospital staff. I’m grateful his suicide attempt was not successful.
But one of the oddest things about this scenario is after the suicide attempt he was not hospitalized. The hospital stabilized and released him. Just like that. No psychiatric hold. No psychiatric treatment. Nothing.
What the hell is up with that?
You’ve Just Attempted Suicide, What Are You Going to Do Now?
(The answer probably isn’t, “I’m going to Disneyland.”)
No doubt, at some point during the hospital-post-suicide-attempt-stabilization doctors and nurses probably asked whether he felt safe. Whether he was a danger to himself. Whether he was planning on attempting suicide again. These are the questions medical people ask if you’ve just hurt yourself.
But seriously, I call bullshit.
Are you telling me a person who just attempted suicide will honestly tell you the answer to those questions? What makes anyone think the individual isn’t so traumatized they can’t possibly answer those questions honestly? What person goes from attempting suicide at 9 pm to being safe at 9 am the next morning?[push]You are likely to be at least as much, if not more, of a danger to yourself at this time.[/push]
Once you’ve attempted suicide everything changes and not really for the better. No one around you knows what to do and you feel ashamed and guilty over the suicide attempt.
Now the person, in so much pain as to believe suicide was the only option, finds themselves at home, probably alone, with people mad at them for the suicide attempt. Do this or does this not sound like a recipe for death?
Going Back to the Hospital after the Suicide Attempt
There is only one thing to do: drag your mentally ill ass back to the hospital and make the doctors actually care for you. You know. Healthcare. Care for your health. It includes care your mental health too (if not for your very life).
I’m Not Going to the Hospital
Unfortunately, having just tried to take your own life it’s extremely difficult to find the psychological strength and motivation to do what the professionals should have done – keep you safe. In your home, alone, the hospital seems very scary and very far away. And if you’re really depressed, even trying to reach it seems useless and hopeless.
You Need Treatment; You Need to Go to the Hospital
But no matter how much your sick mind kicks and screams, you need to get back to that hospital. You will get better, but you need treatment and you need a safe place to be until that treatment has a chance to work.
And no matter how the Emergency Room staff may have treated you, you are not bad. You are sick. Just like every other sick person in that hospital. What you did was not shameful. What you did was the symptom of a disease. You deserve to get better. You deserve to be cared for. You will get better. But you have to get somewhere safe first.
(Yes, my friend is at the hospital and receiving treatment. Thankfully he is safe.) Banner image by Flickr user Shawn Carpenter.
Don’t recall reading this article before, but as always it’s very good. It raises an issue that I’ve thought about a lot during and around my recent hospitalisations: what do the doctors and nurses believe from the answers given by their psychiatric patients? I think I can generalise pretty well that on admission, I am less likely to tell the truth than later when I am getting better. I don’t want them to know what’s in my head, that I want to die, that I don’t want to answer any more fucking questions, that me being there is all a mistake anyway, that if I had any energy at all I’d do as much damage to myself and them as I could . . . except I can’t because I am empty of all volition after failing to kill myself. Do the medical professionals have any idea how much they’re lied to? Somehow I doubt it. Your friend is an excellent example. No human being could reasonably be released shortly after a genuine suicide attempt. I draw the conclusion that he was asked a stupid question, and answered what many mentally ill people would. Probably something aimed at shortening the boring, pointless, unpleasant interview.
I know a West Coast hospital with a reputation for dealing with patients that way; I don’t know if it was that one. But sadly, it could have happened almost anywhere. Until medical staff find an evidence-based method of obtaiining info they can rely on, psychiatric patients are always going to be at risk of being released into the community when they’re nowhere near ready to cope. I know I have, and it’s scary and it’s dangerous and it’s stressful.
I am a 42 year old woman who has lost everything in life..ranging from losing my 15 year relationship with my fiance to losing my home and everything in between like all forms of ID. I could go on and on, but you get the idea. I have taken Paxil for around four years now but recently ran out and couldn’t obtain another prescription because I didn’t have a government issued ID. I became suicidal and coudlnt stop thinking and planning how to do it. I finally decided to walk to my aunts apartment and seeing she was asleep, I reached in the drawer and snatched her bottle of xanax. I then ran back to my moms apartment where I am now staying because we I lost my home when my fiance of 15 years abandoned me on her doorstep. I took a shower to think over the suicide plan one more time…still felt like it was my only option once I was dressed..so I walked across the street and sat under a tree and took the 52 xanax bars in the bottle, which were 2mg each. This took place around 5pm. I laid back in the grass and stared at the peaceful sky and waited to never wake up again. However, at 7:30 pm my mom said I stumbled onto her patio and fell head first into the corner. I have NO recollection of any of this or anything that happened thereafter. She called the ambulance and I was somehow awake enough to tell them I took 104mg of xanax. At the ER they didn’t give me charcoal or pump my stomach. They DID tell my mom that they called Poison Control and 3 hospitals who SUPPOSEDLY had NO SPACE for me. Being so loaded on xanax I had no idea that i was being loud in the emergency room and plucking off the little sticky heart monitor things..the next thing that happened was a cop was there in the ER room with me and handcuffing me…dragging me out of the hospital and into his patrol car and straight to jail. My mother kept telling them I was suicidal and needed help, but the hospital allowed the police to drag me to JAIL!! The police told my family that I would be SAFE in a PADDED CELL and charged me with disorderly conduct for being loud while UMDER THE INFLUENCE of 104 Mg (52 pills at 2 Mg each) and a second charge of resisting arrest because I FELL while trying to walk and get into the police car. Once at the jail, they DID NOT put me in a padded cell..but instead left me in a concrete cell laying on the cold, concrete floor completely ALONE and not once did a jail nurse check on me while they kept me locked up until the next day. They also didn’t allow me to make a phone call once I was alert enough to KNOW where I was. They said its not a RIGHT to make the standard ONE call from jail, but a privilege and that I didn’t earn that privilege. They later released me ON FOOT because I wasn’t allowed to call anyone..mind you, I was STILL very much under the influence of such a large dose of xanax. I had to walk or STUMBLE all the way across town back to my moms. If I had fallen into the street and been run over because they released me on foot while still wasted on pills..they would be held guilty. So anyway..it comes down to this…because i didnt have any type of insurance and declared myself as HOMELESS to the hospital..they clearly offered NO HELP whatsoever except for monitoring vitals. They had no idea HOW MANY mgs of xanax was in mynsystem because they sent me to jail before even getting my toxicology on blood work. They ALSO broke the patient doctor confidentiality act by SHARING details of my hospital visit with the police officer..which he then reported it to the newspaper AND radio station. I could go on and on with everything the HOSPITAL anddd Police department did, but I don’t want to bore you. Today I had an appointment with my public defendant over the charges filed against me…guess what?? There was a camera recording everything that took place in the emergency room and no evidence that i Was DISORDERLY OR RESISTING ARREST!! SO my lawyer said both charges will be dropped AND that I should SUE HOSPITAL AND POLICE DEPARTMENT for not following proper procedures. The hospital not only didn’t help but they actually caused me more pain and suffering…waking up in jail with TWO CHARGES AGAINST ME AND a $500 bond. I mean..they DIDNT EVEN have a doctor speak to me or even give me print outs of how to deal with suicidal thoughts or anything. Granted..I WANTEDMTO DIE thatnday..but when it apparently didn’t WORK out…they should’ve at least done their job. Worked out for the best I suppose..because I’m going to hang their asses now! They obviously ASSUMED A HOMELESS, JOBLESS loser on xanax wouldn’t have the intelligence or diligence to take action against their wrong doings. Big mistake. Also..after the lawyer watched the video of me in the ER..he said its VERY CLEAR on video officer was being MENTALLY and PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE to me for no apparent reason other than me talking too loud. Can’t WAIT to sue.
I told my primary doctor Thursday that I was depressed, he laughed, mocked and ridiculed me. Apparently he and my rheumatologist have been talking and have decided that I am drug seeking so anything I say is a lie .What is so funny is I have never asked him for pain meds ever. I even told him I had gone to counselling. He just laughed apparently I went to counselling so I could get meds. Not true I went because I tried to kill myself. I tried to tell the rheumatologist when I saw him , and he asked about my pain medications he got mad and left the room. I continued to try to tell him he ignored me and of course gives me a prescription for pain meds. When I get it filled he has increased the dose. Is it not funny I’m trying to tell him that the reason my meds didn’t last is that I tried to overdose. He just wouldn’t listen. I thought at least my primary doctor would listen to me.
A similar thing happened to me, but I was mocked and accused of just trying to get disability. I told the Dr. I was trying to get HELP. I have been working steadily in the educational field for 15 years and have been dealing with anxiety and depression for the past 7. Countless doctors, therapists, and experimentation on meds, mri’s. etc. with very little help or concern, but I reminded them they still got paid via my insurance and co-pays, and YOU have the nerve to accuse ME of trying to screw over someone when I (and those around me) are dealing with a serious medical condition? I do not know what the deal is with some “experts” subjectively determining someone’s mental health while at the same time not helping.
As a result, I have contacted my lawyers, fine-tuning my will, and Im outta this crazy world. Just the thought of suicide almost gives me a high, just from the relief I will feel for not having to deal with this illness anymore.
I believe what matters most to God is how a person lives his or her life rather than how he or she dies. I know this may hurt some, which is why I have considered this option but not acted upon my intentions until now, but my hour is at hand, and I am not afraid of the relief I will get being away from this world.
Those that are hurt by this just know that you are the reason I held off on this long overdue decision, but your pain will ease over time, and hopefully there will be some positive memories of what I used to be. Keep this passage in your hearts: “I came naked from my mother’s womb,” “and I shall have nothing when I die. The Lord gave me everything I had, and they were his to take away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” (Job 1:21)
I’ve admitted myself in the ER a couple of times for severe depression as well as thoughts of suicide. Once I had to go nearly a month without my narcotic medication because I was in the process of switching insurances and nobody was ready yet to foot the bill. It got so bad one morning that I went in to the ER and they didn’t do shit or me except say “just wait for your insurance to kick in.” I asked if they could hand me a mere five days worth of meds to hold me over but they refused, claiming it was “too expensive.” Then they rushed me out and sent me home with nothing.
Trying for the 10th time to end it, funny thing I never chickened out just things didn’t work right (gun dry fired, cable broke, woke up after od,etc) seems like I was made to suffer since I failed ice been to the psych ward twice, going again cus hopefully if I live I get the right help, bless you all and good luck
Wow, No one cares! If you have tried to commit that many times and failed, there must be a higher power keeping you alive for some purpose. With the attempts you say you tried, you should be dead.
I am Bipolar and have attempted suicide three times. I had been in and out of psych wards to many times to count. Finding the right “cocktail” of meds is very difficult, (I know, not two encouraging). But I finally did, thank God!
I can’t tell you that it’s gonna be easy, because it isn’t. Just be totally honest with your doctors and counselors. No one knows you better than you. Don’t let them force anything on you, if you feel that it’s not helping.
I have been on Effexor ER and Lithium for years, but found there had to be an adjustment, because it didn’t seem to working as well as before. The Lithium was changed to Lamotrigine. Now I’m back on track. I still see a counselor from time to time. It’s good to talk to someone who is neutral. But the only people who can really are people who are going through the same thing or have been through.
I hope and pray that you can get the right treatment, because I truly feel for you. I was going through the same “thing not that long ago. I still get low sometimes, but not to the degree of being suicidal.
“I care”
I know this is an old comment, but was that supposed to be tough love? “Wow, no one cares!” to someone who has repeatedly tried to kill themselves? After reading that, no one would follow your advice no matter how helpful you were trying to be. You’re probably do the opposite of what you intended to do. The poster might be dead and you leave the person a, “no one cares” while daring to follow it up with your own sob story? You “care”?
Takumi, Diane started with “Wow, No one cares”, because the comments OP is titled “No one cares”. She was responding to the post BY No one cares, not SAYING “no one cares.” It took me a second read to catch that.
Firstly, I realize I’m commenting on a three-year-old post. But, well, I found it after three years and, as a frequenter of the internets, I NATURALLY had to include a HUGE rant that will likely be found off-topic or entirely offensive (it’s the internet; everything’s offensive to someone). I will say that it’s not my intention to offend anyone, and I generally try to come off as a little more lighthearted and sarcastic. I just hope my own experience may shed some light on the subject.
I attempted suicide three times when I was teenager. I was stupid and inefficient and didn’t understand what I really needed to do to succeed. The human body was much more resilient than I understood. In the end, I usually just got myself very hurt, spent a few days or weeks recovering in the hospital and then got transferred to the psych ward.
As someone who has spent a collective sum of seven months in the psych ward, I feel as though I am entitled to say that it is a hell-hole that propelled me forward into trying to end my life again every time I was released. The American mental health system is a shambling corpse that desperately needs a revamp. But, that’s a topic for a later day.
I mean, the psych ward is kinda like prison stereotypes. Food sucks. Little contact with the outside, save for occasional phone calls and rare visits from those willing to brave the sea of crazies. Any items deemed a risk to yourself or others are confiscated upon admittance. Also, we don’t make eye-contact with the twitchy guy in the corner because he’s been known to sharpen the plastic spoons and get stabby.
Others I’ve spoken to that’ve been hospitalized have claimed that the whole event felt surreal and, at rare times, they felt wholly numb and outside of themselves. Yeah, that there’s what them psych doctors call a mild dissociative episode.
Thing is, in the Ward (that’s what we nutters, call it), many doctors will prescribe anti-psychotics to everyone because it “calms them down.” You know, less argumentative, more open to suggestion, and quicker to assume they’re all better. Thing is, not everyone there has a condition that warrants being on anti-psychotics. Anti-psychotics generally make people lethargic. Thing is, sometimes they start to feel numb, unlike their old selves and they just stop giving a shit. Soon, nothing matters anymore.
And, I cannot stress this enough, apathy is absolutely the most dangerous thing to someone trying to combat mental illness.
This post mentioned it a bit, but failed suicide attempts make everyone angry at you. Understandably so. When you take successive attempts on your life, there comes a point where people stop feeling any sympathy or sadness and, instead, are just fed up; everyone is SO frustrated that they can’t change you and they just want to give up on you. Suddenly, they feel just like YOU and, suddenly, you don’t feel so guilty about trying to kill yourself anymore.
In the hospital, you’re not really talking to your friends or family face-to-face much. There’s important facial indications that’re missing, and they can’t hear you crying when you turn the receiver away from your mouth. You get a lot of good-intention phone calls where, half-way through and half-assed-support through, they get tired of your mopey bullshit and start saying things like,
“I’m so disappointed in you.”
“I thought you were stronger than this.”
“Didn’t you used to crack jokes about people like this? When did you become such a hypocrite?” (I was a shitty teenager, okay?)
“I used to respect you.”
Or, my personal favorite ever relating to anything mental health:
“Well, why don’t you just get the fuck over it.”
After the third time I tried to kill myself, I was NOT sent to an inpatient psych ward. Instead, I was forced to adhere to a strict, daily outpatient program by my family. I would spend the day in the program and my nights at home. Besides the much -improved facilities and doctors, the outpatient therapy just FEELS better.
Yeah, I had still completely lost the trust of my friends and family. I actually lost a couple close friends at this time and I didn’t even have many to begin with. I was living with my mom and she would never let me be alone. First few nights out of the hospital, she had me sleep with her in her bed. I was seventeen but I felt like I was three. My mom drove me to the outpatient program, went to work, and picked me up. If my mom had to go somewhere, she’d leave me with one of my remaining friends or take me to my dad’s. We were so emotionally strained at this point that we wouldn’t even talk; we’d just sit on adjacent couches watching TV until my mom came back.
It was awkward, humiliating, and it was SOMETHING. It wasn’t the perpetual numbness of the hospital where days would bleed together and I’d be left to live in my own head, flooded with medications I was never meant to take. And, really, this house arrest felt warranted. I knew I deserved to be treated this way. I felt like a massive burden on everyone that bothered giving a crap about my well-being.
And. That. Matters. I GAVE A SHIT! That guilt is what kept me holding on that year. I had to earn back everyone’s trust; I had goals again. Suddenly, I realized I MATTERED to people because I was constantly surrounded by them. These are people that gave enough of a shit about me to sacrifice their time to smother me and invade my privacy. Now, that’s devotion!
To me, hospitalizing someone who is mentally ill is like sending grandpa off to a home: you won’t take care of him because you either don’t have the time, don’t have the patience, don’t care enough or you don’t want him dying around you.
Mind you, some people REALLY need hospitalization, just as some people REALLY need anti-psychotics. However, you can’t prescribe the same medication to a large group of people and expect everyone to stomach it the same. Some people will get better. Some people will get sicker. And, some people will die.
I’m extremely fortunate to have the people in my life that I do and I would not be here today if it wasn’t for them.
I can’t say the same for my experience in the psych ward.
P.S. No, we don’t really call it “the Ward”. We also prefer to be called “psychos”, as “nutters” is quite derogatory.
My cousin just attempted suicide two days ago. He talked them into putting him into a lower security ward where he can sign himself out (which is what he is planning to do). His wife is supporting him in leaving the hospital, I find that unreal. Both are pretending it was just a aberration, and it is all fine. For the past two months, he has said he wants to die every day to his mother (my aunt), he overdoses, and two days later, it isn’t that big of a deal? His brother is trying to figure out what to do, I don’t know if he will try to commit him involuntarily (it certainly seems warranted). I can’t believe that a suicide attempt doesn’t get you a minimum of 30 days on a locked ward. Period. Why anyone would listen to a person who has been expressing the wish to die and then attempts to do so, two days out from the attempt is beyond surreal….and why his wife would ‘support’ him in his decision (which seems the most unsupportive thing she could do) to leave treatment is unfathomable to me. I thought he would wake up and get help and that is not what it is happening at all! Denial seems to be stronger!
People like you are why I will make absolutely sure not to fail next time. Your mind is one of shackles and chains.
Writing has taken the place of medical care I refused, or didn’t choose. This is an exmaple. It works…
You visit the person there-in, and say to him…
Don’t I know you from some far away place and time?
Didn’t you collaborate in this rhyme?
I don’t think so friend, I have better things to do,
Like muse of the misery of man and his zoo.
We barely speak much, nor chat or chatter,
I often wonder what’s the matter.
Strangers true we are!
Why have you bothered to travel so far?
I must confess I’m lost without you,
and many things have cost me dearly.
For lack of talk with you is my most grievous sin,
and I repent from afar and from within.
Do not snatch at me with remorse,
those lost days of foolishness are of course.
I’ve been here all along,
and died a thousand deaths in solitude forlorn.
Just a glimpse,
Say, look this way today.
I’m here,
I’m ready to begin.
Knowing me is no sin.
I have a friend who’s brother is a life-long alcholic and homeless. He is 53 and is in the hospital for the third time, dehydrated, emaciated and out of his mind. Usually after he gets better he is released back into the wild.
This time, however, his mental compacity seems to be permanently damaged. He is unaware of what decade it is and for the most part seems unaware of how to even take care of himself.
There is no family that can take him in. Is there somewhere that he can be sent once the hospital releases him. If he is left to fend for himself, I fear he won’t survive.
I agree weith you as regards the mediacl shortcommings as regards treatment of suicide patients. Mercifully my last attempt is well bvehind me know but I well remeber waking up in hospital after an overdose to see a young nurse standing at the foot
“You mustn’t feel ashamed she told me”
Her eyes and face full of non-understandiong
But I wasn’t ashamed at what I had done, only that I had failed to do the job properly. Since then I have been through all the “regular” cures and assesments, but for me the only one that really worked was analytical hypnotherapy.
I wonder though whether we, as patients, and at times slightly too critical of the health services. Sure they have recvieved training in order to assist us in times of trouble, but if our minds are scrambled and we cannot fully express what is goung on in our minds, then how can we expect an outsider who has maybe not gone trhough such an episode , to do the same.
Maybe it is also a question of money, prioriities, and perception of mental illness with society. Mental illness is still a dirty and unknown quantity with society, money is short, and resources ever more stretched to the point of breaking, so what is hospital to do? Spend time and money on a suicidee whose condition you really don’t understand, or use such resources to treat more recognised and popular conditions like cancer or heart surgery? I have worked for the NHS, so forgive me if I seem to support both sides
Graet site by the way, I’m glad you have so many followers
Yeah, so…. my mother-in-law has tried to commit suicide via pills three times in the last six weeks, and the hospital is about to release her AGAIN. The last time, they sent her on her way with a bottle of tramadol. Brilliant move, there. :(
The complicating issue here is that my MIL is not attempting suicide because she is depressed (although I believe she is that, but I believe that to be a secondary mental health issue in this case). She is attempting suicide because she is dissatisfied with the housing choices that have been offered her, and is essentially attempting to hold herself hostage. That’s pretty crappy — but nevertheless, is that the sign of a mentally stable person?! I do not think she is suicidally depressed, and if the hospital tries to diagnose it that way, of course they will not find that she is a threat to herself or others. However, I think she does suffer from a deep-seated personality disorder, and these non-stop suicide attempts are a crystal clear manifestation of that. I don’t know how they could responsibly send her home under these circumstances…
I tried to commit suicide last week. [moderated] I woke up 8 hrs later in extreme pain. I spent 3 days in ICU and before I was released I was seen by a mental health advisor who asked me many questions including if I thought about trying to hurt myself again. Of course I said no. But for those 3 days its all I thought about. And I’ve thought about it ever since. I feel I’m strong enough to never do it again but it keeps popping up in my head. I have not smiled or laughed in a week. I have not seen anyone or talked to anyone either besides my girlfriend which I live with. And I’ve only said a few words to her. She is getting very angry with me because I won’t talk about anything even what I want for dinner. I have no emotions about anything my mind is blank all the time. She keeps asking me when I will be ready to talk. Like I can really answer that question. I have no idea when I’ll be ready to talk but she can’t understand that and its bringing me down to another low point where I feel like I need to try to end my life again. Can anyone help me make her understand that it could be another week or maybe a month or maybe a year for all I know before I’m ready. I don’t feel like the same person I was a week ago.
You’re not alone, I swear.
I am hopeful when I read everyones posts because it makes me feel like I will be able to recover from my suicide attempt. I tried to kill myself last weekend, July 3rd. I took a bottle of [moderated]. I woke up Sunday evening so disoriented and realized I was alive and cried. I did not expect to wake up and have to face myself. Having to put the scotch bottle in the recycling bin and clean up the place after failing at trying to kill myself made things worse. I’ve asked a couple of people to call me on the 4th because of how depressed I was and knowing what I was going to do. When I picked up my phone off of the floor, I didn’t receive a missed call or text message.
I am ashamed of what I did and I’ve had to look my son in the face everyday this week with this fake smile. I don’t mean to be selfish but how do you try and seek help after this?
I am so sorry for what you are going through! Do you have a regular GP you can go and see? If not, maybe try a mental health organisation in your area. I went through the same thing! When I woke up I also cried because I was so depressed that I woke up, and the aftermath is so scary, uncertain and guilt ridden. Please try and seek help from a professional to help you deal with the feelings por guilt and anger. I don’t really know what advice to give you but I just wanted to reach out and tell you that you are not alone.
Thanks so much for this post. This is exactly my experience when I tried…which has put me off attempting again…but it doesn’t make the feelings go away and I become really obsessive and tell myself that a song is about suicide and will listen to it over and over and over all day and night (when I can). Sometimes I feel stuck like I want to kill myself because I’m çrazy’but I can’t because people get angry…and then when I talk about it I mustn’t be ás sick’as other people and I’m expected to ‘pull myself together’but it’s so hard! I really do try! I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I want to be normal, not extreme.
I tried to tell a friend about all of this and she tells me to think a different way. It brushes off how I feel, because I’ve tried so hard and so long to stop my crazy thoughts. It’s almost like people think I haven’t tried and makes me feel like I’m just weak because maybe I’m not sick and I’m just unable to cope in life.
I’ve basically accepted that there is a more or less one hundred percent chance that I will die by suicide. It’s been such a part of my life for so long that it doesn’t bother me anymore. I have requested to be buried at sea.
Hey Natasha , first off, I love your postings. It is comforting to know I am not alone with bipolar disorder. I seem to always relate to your posts. Second, in regard to this post, the last suicied attempt I made was with a rifle under my chin. I was hospitalized for about three weeks and was not able to be placed in a physiatric hospital. My jaws were wired shut and I had a tracheostomy. None of the physiatric hospitals would accept me stating they had no wound care. Basically I think they were scared I would rip open my trach or take the wire out of my mouth and do something. Well the only option The hospital had was to release me. Beleave me, I was confused over this one and the fact that the resident physiatrist aproved my release. Needless to say I am in a better place but I honestly think I should have been committed due to the fact that I definitely tried to take my own life.
Sure is confusing, fix ya up and toss you out . .. they do that often with people who od, but I have never heard of someone blowing off a part of the face/throat and then sent home. Amazing you are still here! How do you feel about still being here? May I ask, what is life like now for you? You are in a better place you said. I hope it is MUCH better.
Life is good and yes, I am glad to be here. As far as being in a better place, I am stable. I have found that that is all I can hope to be. Yes, I have a ton of medical bills and what not, but that is not my number one priority. I am not neglecting them, it is that I come first before anything or any one. Yes, I know that sounds selfish. It is. However, that is the bane of bipolar. Selfishness. Or what normal people thing of us. You see, I now have a good open and honest relationship with my doctor. In order to be honest with my doctor I pay close attention to myself and let him know of any changes in mood that I might notice. Just recently I discussed with him of how I felt that I was becoming more hyper manic. He work with me in adjusting my meds in order to stop a full blown manic state were I would ultimately crash. I am compliant with my meds. Even took my evening dose of Depakote and Seroquel. I am know divorced twice over. I have no plans to ever marry again, marriage dose not work for me. My first marriage ended because of my bipolar, even though I did not know it then. By my second marriage, I had been diagnosed with bipolar I rapid cycling. I did tell my second wife about my disorder before we were married. She had said that it was no big deal and she could handle it. Well, long story short, she could not handle it. She was pretty clueless to what it ment to be bipolar. To be honest I was still naive myself. Anyway, urging my second marriage is when I made my two suicied attempts. The first was a bottle of Klonopin, the second a rifle. Both times I was off my meds. We were faced with financial troubles so the first thing to go was my medication. That is until something happened and I ended up in a psych ward and put back on my meds, Anyway, I have come to accept being alone. Would I like a relationship, yes. However, I am more wiser and know that my disorder will put a strain on any relationship. So, to answer your question, yes I am glad I am here and content with the cards that have been dealt me. I have lost a good paying job, but find the job I have now is way less stressful then what I had. I look at it as it was meant to be. I pretty much take it day by day. I no longer dwell on the past, nor fret over the future. I stay focused on the hear and now. Any way, I hope this answers your question. Also, please forgive me for being so long winded, you just caught me in a typing mood tonight.
Thank you Chris for your detailed answer, I really like that. It shows your authenticity. The medical community still just blows my effing mind. I am glad you are at a place of acceptance. Yes, we have to practice good self care i.e.”selfish” to a high degree if we are to survive this planet. Keep on hangin in there!
Maybe if people stopped getting “involved” in each other’s lives, people would ignore these “suicide” attempts. I understand somebody being crippled by their mental illness, but the person should not care what they look like i.e. if they look mad, are a raving lunatic and yelling, as long as they are not making threats or endangering somebody, one should not be hauled off to the mental hospital. If the police are called, and somebody is fighting their mental illness instead of just giving in to it, they can explain that to the police. Of course this case was different. He was acting out. However, if that guy couldn’t handle work, became homeless, and looked and acted like a lunatic to survive, he would eventually stabilize because he’s fighting with everything he’s got and to hell with everybody else.
This is a very insensitive post and ignores the fact that hospitalization after a suicide attempt can be traumatic, and there can be serious repercussions of being hospitalized. The first time I was hospitalized was as a teenager. I was sexually assaulted by staff members there and still suffer nightmares from it.
The second time I called a suicide hotline, and they tracked down the number, sent police to knock down my door (why couldn’t they simply have knocked to see if I would let them in?), and took me away in handcuffs with other people in the complex watching. My landlord evicted me when I got back from the hospital.
The third time I voluntarily admitted myself to the hospital. I didn’t have the number of my employer, and I didn’t have any visitors, so I couldn’t contact the office until I was released from the hospital. I lost my job for not showing up at work. To make matters worse, I was left with a $7500 bill for three nights/four days (and no job).
I will never admit myself to the hospital again after this.
oh MM I am soooo sorry for the pain you have endured. There is no excuse for what happened to you (and unfortunately many others).
There is so much learning that needs to happen in the police force and laws to protect people from getting evicted. in my state, a new law was just past to protect woman in domestic violence situations from getting evicted or fired because of the perpetrators causing trouble. We need that to protect people with diseases they have no control over. I hope the person who sexually assaulted you was reported too. I am really sorry. That is a HUGE trauma.
I have been fortunate that I have had good treatment in the hospitals, all but once but i wish they’d find other ways of “helping” besides lock-down. It is like jail and we have not committed a crime unless being depressed is now a crime. I wonder if they had a place for people to go, free of charge, 24/7 to just go and talk about their upset and give us a CHOICE in staying or not. They have no idea how hard it is on us when we are forced to be away from home, our pets, our clothes, soap, little comforts that we never think about. No one has any idea how much worse it makes us when we are locked up. I have thought often of suicide, but the only time i seriously attempted was after I had been forced to stay in the hospital for over a week. After the serious attempt, they tried to send me out on the street without shoes or money for a bus. I had been in ICU for 4 days and could hardly stand. THAT is a time I SHOULD have been locked up! Not the other times!
Although I’ve not done this long, it has helped me and hope that maybe you can research it in you area, it is called, “Trauma Yoga”. The book that goes with the class is called “Overcoming Trauma through Yoga ~ Reclaiming Your Body” by David Emerson and Elizabeth Hopper.
I have been doing it for a little while now in conjunction with therapy, no drugs (so for depression) have ever helped me but trauma yoga is. Daily function is easier and the PTSD has lessened some. Still have a ways to go. I hope you can look into it and find some help for all the hell you have been through. Best wishes
I think you’ve expressed things really well. The hospitals I’ve been in have all not really been therapeutic places. It does feel like a prison, except that you don’t get billed a few thousand a night in prison.
Some of the staff were really caring and compassionate, and that helped a lot. But at each one there was at least one staff member who was plain mean.
A lot of things you do are met with suspicion or disdain. I peeked at my chart, and it said, “Asks too many questions.” Well duh! I was in an unfamiliar environment with people I didn’t know, a doctor I never met, and a history of trauma from hospitalization.
The upside is that two of the three times I was hospitalized, I found it liberating and therapeutic to talk with the other patients. For the first time, I felt totally open discussing my treatment history, medications, etc. with non-medical people.
As for the sexual assault, I was only 16 and too traumatized by the experience to report it. Even now, I don’t think I would report it because it sets you up for being called a liar–I saw a patient being called a liar because she said she didn’t get her dinner–and the staff members have the power to retaliate against you. Also, I question whether the hospital would have done anything about it. It’s difficult for me to believe that they didn’t know it happened to at least a few people. In no way do I think I was the only one to be sexually assaulted by them.
I just went through the same thing with a family member. I was appalled that they let her leave. Not only did they let her leave, but they did not tell us that she had attampted suicide. We all thought someone had slipped her a date rape drug. And YES she did tell the hospital what she had done. Her doctor asked her if she still felt sad, and they discharged her. No psych consult was ever called, not one bit of info on where to get help was given. Negligence, pure and simple. How on Earth can they expect someone who tried to kill themselves to be fine 12 hrs later? Does her life really mean that little to them?
every time i think about the times i was in hospital for just saying i wanted to die, they kept me there for over a week, but the time i actually attempted and was in icu is when they tossed me out on the street., when i was really most vulnerable.
i have found though that being in hospital makes me worse. it is like i suddenly change and want to be out of there and will do ANYTHING to make them think I am fine. so it is not the answer (for me), it is a stopgap. thankfully for now i have therapy. when medicare kicks in, i might not be able to afford it.
plus i moved thinking it would be better here, but it is not much different, the judgement is still out there. i am to the point that i won’t talk to anyone about my mi except here.
I sure appreciate everyone’s comments and suggestions.
When I woke from ICU 4 days later, the nurse said to me, “you just wasted a hundred grand”. “I didn’t ask you to save me did I?” I said. She gave me a dirty look and they discharged me. They said “the bus is a block across the street” and sent me on my way. I told them I didn’t know how to catch it and they rolled their eyes like I was a stupid piece of S**T. I asked ,”can you send me a cab, I have no money?”. Another eye roll. I could barely walk or make it up my three flights of stairs and slept for 3 days following. My dog was left with a neighbor but when I came home she was angry at me for trying to die. She told all my neighbors about what happened and now they all stare at me and never say hi anymore. 5 months later, my gf killed herself in my apartment. My husband died in my arms almost 3 years ago and another gf died if cancer a year after my husband. I am so alone. I wish the hospital had not saved me. I wish I’d not been found. I am so sad. I don’t want to be alive anymore. I wish someone would love my dog so I could go.
I want to die~~but I want to live too. So if a decide to go to the hospital to try and stay alive, what do i do with my dog if i go to the hospital? I don’t want to die here and have her watch and be traumatized, and I can’t go to the hospital if no one can watch her. Any ideas? I don’t know anyone as I am new to this city and I am too poor to pay $40.00 a day for in home care.
Hi Denise,
Congratulations on deciding to reach out. That’s what you need to do to get better.
I understand what you’re saying your dog – I have cats and I feel the same way.
What I recommend is that you contact local animal charities (SPCA?) and tell them you need to be in the hospital and need help taking care of your dog while you’re there. You don’t have to tell anyone why you’re going to the hospital, but they should understand that it’s quite a reasonable situation to be in. You’re certainly not the first. (They may be able to board the animal, provide it with a temporary home, or even get someone to come by your house to feed your dog.)
If, for some reason that doesn’t work (and it should), you could reach out to a local mental health support group and I’m sure someone would agree to help you there.
It’s wonderful that you love your dog but you don’t want that to stop you from getting better.
– Natasha Tracy
thank you, those are good ideas.
Turn you dog into the SPCA. They will find a new home for him and it won’t cost you anything. You’ve got to get to a treatment center that will keep you for months, not days. Many of them have halfway houses to stay in and work after you are discharged from treatment center until you feel you can live safely on your own again. Maybe a state psychiatric hospital. Good luck.
jude, my dog is the reason i am alive, if i give her away, then i have NOTHING left to live for. think if i want to be hopeful i will find her a temporary place, but thank you, you may have a good idea there, i think staying somewhere for a while may be the best thing, but not sure it is an option. thank you for the idea, i will run it by my therapist. i know my dog is concerned for me, when i have flashbacks, she seems to know at least an hour before them and stays very close to me for the duration. we are connected at the hip so to speak. she has to stay in my life, i have had too much loss. sorry if i am confusing, trying to stay alive and wanting to be dead all at the same time. such a dichotomy! there are more issues to deal with then just the bipolar so i am trying to be patient with my me.
jude,
also, the cost is great~it will cost me my heart. if i give her up, then for sure i will die, i am as close to death as a person can be. in hte last three years, my heart has been broken by too many cancer deaths and suicides of people i love. if i am to have a reason to live it is her. she is all i have left in this world.
Actually, if you look at the statistics, if you turn your pet into the SPCA, there is a greater chance they will kill it than find it a new home.
I agree 100 % the mental health “CARE” ( lol )system in this country is a crock of shit. If you don’t have family or friends for backup and you don’t have the mental energy to make it happen you are up the proverbial shit creek without a paddle. The part that really puzzles me (and I have confronted many “experts” on the subject) If they obviously despise their work and their “patients” so much why don’t they do themselves and us a big favor and change jobs? I just don’t get it. Are THEY that weak they don’t have the balls to change? All I want is to find out what meds {could care less what it is if it keeps me alive and out of the pits of hell in a tortured brain) WORK and be very cautious with the “latest thing” Old sawbones gets a nice kickback for every script he writes.If it is dangerous that usually takes years and lawsuits to expose that, trust me. You have to do what it takes for you. If you depend on “them” to do it well good luck to you One of the funniest (to me) commercials on tv is for any antidepressant and I am not implying some have not saved many lives because they have but YOU have to find what works for you , it’s how the commercial leads you to believe a caring and sincere doc is just a phone call away. It doesn’t work that way. You have to be ready to stand up and defend your rights. Most could care less if you live or die and that is the sad truth.
In December 2010 I attempted to overdose. I ended up in the ER, where I had to drink charcoal (which, btw, is an absolutely miserable experience). I was then admitted to ICU for a few nights. This particular hospital didn’t actually have a psych unit, and the psychiatrist on call? He said I could make an appointment with his office and see him in 2 weeks, after the holidays. The hospital didn’t even do a psych eval of any sort, not by a psychiatrist at least. After a few days in ICU, they discharged me.
I was still hopeless, depressed, and in a very bad place. Luckily, my mom was my advocate. She and a friend I grew up with drove me to the local psych hospital. They admitted me and were shocked by the behavior of the hospital. I spent the next 5 days there, where I was able to get back on meds.
I’m still shocked by how that psychiatrist treated me, how the hospital staff treated me. I also overheard nurses say something about how it wasn’t a “real” suicide attempt. And in my chart, they even had the wrong medication written down that I tried to overdose with.
sarah,
i feel so sad to see such a beautiful young girl like you feeling so badly. you are at time in life that should be happy and carefree; i am so very sorry it is not. i wish your hospital experience surprised me but it does not. how can people who save lives talk like that?! i wonder if they’d say that to their own child or their mom! i am glad you have a mom and friend who care about you and i also hope you can find a reason to keep trying.
d
Hey Natasha,
I just stumbled upon your site and thought I would give my input as well. In July 2010, I attempted suicide by way of overdose. I was found unconscious by my mom. She said she had to literally smack me around to get me to wake up. I had been there for over 12 hours. I was taken to the hospital where I was basically looked over in the ER. It was too late to pump my stomach or anything like that, so I was sent to ICU to monitor my heart and such. Never was I asked if I felt like harming myself again or anything like that.
When asked my I tried to kill myself my answer was simple; I would either die, or I wouldn’t be in pain anymore. Win, win! I have several other medical problems that were piling up. You can imagine the shock that my mother and I both had when the doctor told me that I was just being a wuss by taking the easy way out. There was nothing easy about that time in my life!
After two days in ICU, I was sent to an inpatient behavioral health facility. That sounds like I got help, right? No, I found that meant I was going to a Motel 8 with babysitters. I spent the weekend there literally watching tv with all the other patients. Then, I was released on a Monday with an appointment to see a psychiatrist three months later. THREE MONTHS!! I know all too well how the system lets us down. :(
Attempted with an overdose a week and a half ago. Spent the whole day in ICU barely conscious, had a crisis nurse put me on a form then tell me I was going to psych, which I fully expected and was fine to go along with. Then the psych said I was fine and sent me home. Now I’m sitting here so depressed wanting to do it again, can’t sleep to save my life can’t shut my brain off, the walls are freaking talking to me telling me my family is conspiring against me. I’m losing my fucking mind and I can’t function anymore. I can’t function in life I’ve been living on disability and in and out of hospitals since I was 14 couldn’t even finish high school. What’s the point anymore. Nobody really cares in the end
Hi Shane,
I’m so sorry you are in that situation. You don’t deserve to be. You deserve help.
As I said, when a friend of mine attempted suicide, he was released too but I made him go back and get help and you should too. What they did was wrong but you can correct it by standing up for yourself and demanding what you need. I can certainly understand if this is hard, or even seems impossible, but call a friend to be your support when you go so that another can express what might be difficult for you to.
I understand your frustration and hopelessness. I have felt that way so many times. But I haven’t given up and neither have you. And it’s not fair to say that people don’t care. There are people who _do_ care. Many of us care whether you live or die. Your life matters. Just like mine. Just like everyone’s.
What I can tell you is to take baby steps. Step one, get some help. Then maybe consider changing doctors to get a new perspective on treatment. Then maybe try a new psychotherapy like DBT (if you haven’t already) or consider a treatment like ECT. It’s completely up to you, but if you’ve been so sick for so long, maybe a new approach is called for.
But for now, just focus on continuing to breathe. Stay alive. Those other things will work but you have to live in order to give them a chance.
Here are the helplines to get help: https://natashatracy.com/get-mental-illness-help/
And you might want to read this: https://natashatracy.com/bipolar-disorder/im-tired-fighting-bipolar-disorder/
So many have felt too tired and too unloved sometimes. But we continue. And you can too.
– Natasha Tracy
This is an all too familiar subject. I live in New Zealand and the help available to those suffering from mental illness is shocking.I’ve been hospitalised quite a few times for depression usually after a failed suicide attempt.I live in a town of about 40 ,000 people and our local psychiatric ward has just spent millions ‘improving’ the facility when all they really did was downsize the ward from a 21 bed unit to 12 beds
Mental illness is not on the decrease, so why are they cutting a much needed resource? MONEY. Its happening all over the world. Its frustrating to see people who need to be admitted for their own safety being turned away as the ward is full.It is not fair on the individual or their family and friends,watch the person they care about suffer.No wonder so many people experiencing some sort of about mental illness keep it to themselves,because even if they do Speak up and ask for help,the help available is so scarce for this supposed ‘modern illness’.
I have just been sent home after a suicide attempt. Life just feels so empty at the moment. It was my first attempt and I’d like to say my last but I really can’t be that certain. I’m scared, lonely and absolutely worn out, in every way. I’ve been told to see my doctor within 7 days of my treatment and told to double my antidepressants! I wish they could’ve kept me in where I felt safe and cared for! I don’t abuse alcohol or drugs and believe I am just another failed suicide patient. :-(
Been hospitalized 7 times. Each 1 was terrorizing. In last hospital was gang raped. Will never go to a hospital again. I’d rather die.
I was sexually assaulted by staff members (plural). I was 16 or 17. There is zero chance that I’m the only one they did it to. Psychiatric patients probably are treated with less humanity than any other patients.
The first two times I attempted suicide, I went from the ER to ICU to the psychiatric hospital. The third time I attempted suicide, in the same way- by an overdose, I was in the ER long enough to be stabilized and then I was let go.
tonight, i reached out to a friend (who is aware of my mental illness and my desire to die) … this has taken a couple of weeks of withdrawal to reach out to, and fortunately she agreed to meet up with me. i told her how yesterday i felt so suicidal i was going to take myself to the hospital, given we live in a small community, and everyone knows me, im in a position of where my job means i should be ‘happy’ … so, i didnt. i fought and fought and fought and spent most of the day, and today, in bed, with my head in a jumble. this morning all i wanted to do was selfinjure – this is normally a good release, and yet some innate self told me i cant because others would judge. and i got through. but a big part of me, even now, wishes i just ‘could’ and all would be ok.
i felt *this episode* (which is how most psyches call it) strengthening over a couple of weeks, but you know what, that terminology makes me mad because the feeling actually never goes away, just sometimes i can cope with it better than other times. its not ‘an episode’. anyway. she said she was glad i didnt go, and i ‘must have just been wanting attention’ :( sadly. i nodded and said, “yeah, maybe i must have been after attention.” but i know thats not true. but that made sense to her so i simply agreed, for i also know, she was trying to understand. so at that point i realised i couldnt tell her how i really felt as she isnt the person designed to have to understand. we were then interupted by someone else, so she held conversation with them and i just withdrew till she eventually said to the person well we better be heading off. by that time i had withdrawn and wasnt going to continue our conversation. our walk back to her place i was simply quiet. i understand it must be difficult for someone in that position, and we put our loved ones there a lot. it takes a long long time till i reach out, i deal with myself at home, alone, for weeks fighting the battle of why do i live. before i would reach out. yesterday i fought through it again. today has been an exception. i reached. she tried. but i didnt really get anywhere. and the hospital, i still wish i could go to.
I tryed my 30th attempt yesterday and they still haven helped me i have no clue what to do now
It is true hospitals sometimes give you the help you need. Every individual has certain needs, it is difficult when you can’t seem to find your own advice from your self, sometimes, as they say, you drive your self crazy (but what is crazy to you). What is your own mistake-value-system for your own well being health wise? I personally believe if you feel doomed umay have either made a dip in your lifes choices that later on will unfold thaf the way your were able to Handel your self under such conditions made you a Brett person and that life does actually change your perspctive. Or something that you cannot explain is changing your lifes circumstances to the piont in which you need more comfy cozy which u may not understand at that piont so u search for the help
i’ve been hospitalized 5 times within the last 25 years and only once, did I really get any help (was admitted for 28 days due to full on psychosis)
i checked myself in, each time and except for the one – where I was for 28 days – they (the hospital) let me go within 4-5 days due to INSURANCE or lack thereof
now, i’ve gone to the hospital and NOT been admitted because of my insurance, or because they didn’t have any beds available – handed scripts – and told to check in with a psych provider within 2 days and their own psych service would follow up by calling me in 2 days
really, i could’ve been dead in 2 days… alas, i’m not cause i’m here but really?
I have actually gotten WORSE after coming home from a 4-5 day hospital stay and one time, my younger sister wrestled me to the floor of my bedroom and pried the bottle of pills out of my hand… kicking and swinging at me to get me to let go of the damn bottle… i had just returned home the day prior
no… i have no desire of returning to a psych hospital for help… you do not get help
you get loaded down with pills, patted on your head, and sent out back to the world from whence you came in 4-5 days… and told to follow up with your psych provider or if you have none, find yourself one (that happened with 1 of my stays, I had to find my OWN provider)
never mind the financial devastation it causes when you are already poor and unable to pay bills… and then you lose your job because you were out and guess why? (lost 2 jobs because I had a restriction and signed by a psychiatrist after a hospitalization. when I returned from the restriction, they let me go).
UNTIL the psychiatric is treated equally with the medical in the United States and seen as such… the psychiatric is treated with however much money, or lack thereof – or compassion, or lack thereof… one can find.
Hey all, after reading a lot of the comments here it took me back to a very dark place, after years of sexual and physical abuse by my uncle and years of neglect by my mother I too felt there was only one way out. I wanted to be dead. I even wished my abuser would kill me, end the pain. But for some reason I could never bring myself to attempt suicide. But now I know why. I am living a good life, I have 2 pain in the backside but wonderful boys. I am back at college. I’ve dealt with my past. Took my uncle to court where he was found guilty. And although none of this can undo the pain I suffered i’m feeling great about myself. I cannot change my past. But the mistake I made was thinking I could make the physical and mental scars go away. Now I realise I have to deal with them, learn from them and wear my scars with pride. As although my scars do not break me they do not make me. My strength to move on is what makes me. It’s in there, you just have to find it. Xx
After reading this I’m very grateful that I received very good care when I went to the hospital after a suicide attempt. I was very out of it for the first couple of days but when I realized where I was I had been put in the pediatric psych ward until a spot opened up in either the adult or adolescent ward. I was there for a week and a half before I got a spot in the adolescent ward and got really good care there. They kept me there for nearly 2 months and then sent me to a group home for another few months that was linked with the adolescent program. I could have got out sooner but I self harmed a few times while I was inpatient.
If I had just been released after getting stabilized because there wasn’t a bed for me, I would have just gotten worse and tried again. I know that for sure, I can’t believe they just let people go home after an attempt.
I was 15 when I had a rather bloody suicide attempt that hospitalized me for a month almost… But no they never even asked much about it. Its pretty pitiful, our system just isn’t set up to handle mental health.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2012-08-21/doctor-concedes-errors-ahead-of-mans-suicide/4212754
I have attempted suicide 5 times by various means… and they were all within a fairly short period of time… ended up in the hospital every time… and NOT ONCE did they keep me there… health professionals are useless and don’t give a shit.
I’m going to kill myself
Hi Kristin,
I’ve written a lot about suicide here and I’ll include some links in a minute, but the overarching thing is this – this is not the end. You are not alone here. You may be in tremendous pain, but you are not alone and people want to help.
I urge you, please, please, if not for your sake than for mine, and for the sake of everyone who reads this, please call a helpline now: https://natashatracy.com/get-mental-illness-help/
And if you like, read why it’s important to keep fighting: https://natashatracy.com/mental-illness/depression/continue-fight-pain-depression/
I don’t know your circumstances and I don’t know what’s driving you to suicide, but believe me, you don’t want to die, you just want an end to the pain. I completely understand that, but believe me, there are other ways to make that happen.
Again, please call a helpline or go and see a professional like a doctor as soon as possible. I don’t know you, but I know you are worth that.
– Natasha Tracy
I attempted suicide when I was 8, I’m 51 years old. I was physically, verbally, and mentally abused for 11 years by(except for my Mother) by my so-called family. I was married for 14, but my husband died in my arms. I went to 10 churches and ALL OF THEM!! They slammed the door in my face(because I was poor) I’ve been called ugly for a long time and I tried dating and the 6 dating services call me ugly. I ran out of home when my BEAUTIFUL SISTER was born. I no longer have hope, if God was with me He should’ve stopped the abuse!!! What did an 8 year-old do to derserve to get threatened with death? He Turned his back on me a long time ago and to kill myself will be sweet relief to me! No one to call me ugly! And Please do not use OUT-DATED saying like where there is life there is hope, or Count your blessings!! THAT MAKES ME SICK!!! The sooner I kill myself, the better!!
Hi Terry,
Well, I won’t use the outdated sayings, as you say.
But I will say this, if you’re 51 years old, there are doubts in your heart about committing suicide. That doesn’t mean you won’t follow through, of course, but I think it’s clear that you _have_ lived a life in spite of how hard it has been for you. You actually know hope. I know it might not feel like it, but you do.
And in all those horrible things that have happened to you, I’m sure there have been joys as well. Sunrises. Moments. Chocolate cakes. Togetherness. Things that make sense for you. Things that have made 51 years worthwhile.
So, no, I won’t remind you of hope, but I will say there will be more of those moments in the future and I will say is that we don’t know what the future holds.
I recommend you see a therapist, as they can help you through so many of those past wrongs.
– Natasha Tracy
51? I hope I am dead by that point. If the woman wants to die. She should have that right. Damn, you mental health professionals are psychotic. There needs to be legalized suicide. Perhaps there should be a court process to determine and grant them this right. But at least you could pay someone for a painless death. I don’t think it should be such a taboo thing anymore. There are legit reasons for it. What if you’re like me? I lost my entire family, my friends, my home, most of my material possessions. I have nothing to live for. My 20s have been wasted. I expected this to happen to me later on in life. Its hard enough to live through a day.
I went to the ER at my local hospital for help when I was thinking of killing myself (it was a weekend). It would have been my 5th attempt. They told me that they couldn’t help me. I had to go through my own Doctor to get a referral. I went to a friend who was good enough to help me through the weekend and then I went and saw my Doctor the following Monday.
That was January of 2011. I didn’t get to go to the hospital for my treatment until August of 2011. I’m in a great program now, but the process was long and hard to go through to get the help that I needed. I hope that the provincial and federal governments can get together and form some sort of program to speed things up.
Just think what would have happened if I hadn’t of been brave enough to seek out a friend that was strong enough to help me for a whole weekend.
It is disgusting I didn’t want to go into help I just kept commiting it took me 12 attempts for them to drag me in ( I can overlook it now as my cry for help but back then I was serious ) and the first place I went to made me worse. It’s ridiculous
Hi, i stumbled onto this site today while searching for help myself. I’m ashamed to admit that i am someone who has attempted suicide recently. This will make 8 attempts in total for me. I hate that i feel this way. and i dont know how to feel any other way. I asked my doctor 2 years ago for some help. it had taken me awhile before that to muster the courage to ask. it’s 2 years later he has not been able to help me. i’ve now been told that if i need it i have to pay 150$ an hour for help. becuz of my mental health i cant even keep down a job. im currently unemployed and cant even afford my meds. after my last attempt i mustered the courage to go to the hospital to tell them what happened. in hopes they could keep me safe. Much to my horror they sent me home. saying its probably just an episode of depression. horrified at sit at home falling deeper and deeper into a depressive state. i feel completely helpless. i have no idea what to do anymore. i read what you wrote about your friend. about making the hospital help. how do you do that if they just keep sending you home. and the only way to stay is to attempt suicide and hope they take u seriously. i’ve never told complete stranger on the internet about this before, but at this point what the hell right. so i cant recieve help. and i cant afford my medication. what does someone like me do at this point? and they wonder why people like me end up dead.
honestly i dont want to end up another failed girl…
Hi Mandi,
I’m sorry you’re experiencing such difficulty right now. If it helps, you should know that many people have been where you are. It’s not easy but people do survive it. You can too. You did the right thing by reaching out.
I know how horrible the system is and how desperate it can make you. What I can tell you is a few things.
1. Call a hotline any time. If you’re feeling suicidal and need help, there are always people on the phone who want to talk to you. Plus, even if you’re not acutely suicidal at that moment, they can refer you to other resources.
2. Use the mental health services resource locator to find resources in your area. It may list resources that you can access for free or on a sliding scale (you pay less if you make less).
You can find links and numbers here: https://natashatracy.com/get-mental-illness-help/
3. Contact a local mental health group like NAMI or the DBSA (just Google them). A local group will know more about the services available in your local area.
Don’t give up. I know you don’t want to, that’s why you’re talking to me. So now reach out to one of the above sources. Keep reaching out until you get the help you deserve.
(And by the way, it often takes people with serious mental illnesses years to find the right combination of medication. You might just be difficult to treat. That’s OK. Many people are.)
– Natasha Tracy
My sister Holly asked the homeless shelter she was living at if she could stay 2 extra nights as she was returning to work in 2 days but her assigned social worker & Ms. Grace who runs the shelter said no & put her out on the street knowing of her previous suicide attempts her last Aug 26 2010. Holly was put out Sept 6 2010 & found deceased Sept 8 2010. I believe her civil rights were violated & she was failed, not protected.
Julie, she certainly sounds failed to me. I can’t comment on civil rights, but a lawyer might be able to help you with that or the ACLU: http://www.aclu.org/
– Natasha Tracy
Natasha thanks for responding & for this wonderful site for all to share, learn, comfort as I share some of these topics among my airline friends whose lives were deeply affected because of another 911 September 11 2001 which started the decline of my Sisters health as she was working inflight that tradgic day. In my advocacy to help others, those with mental illness I have learned many things about the state of Virginia I live in which ranks #3 as one of the most corrupt states out of 50. Virginia has No Transparency on many policies & procedures that citizens are not alllowed to view & corruption in the Judicial system was noted as being very high as there is no accountability group to oversee these departments. teachers in Va have SOL’s an accountability group that oversees teachers & they are doing there jobs. I would like to propose the same for L.enforcement such as SOS, Standards of Safety a committee that would make sure policy & procedure are being followed as we all have to be accountable in whatever type of job we may have. Thanks also on the tip of not using all capital letters when I type, will my words flow better by not using the capital letters?
Hi Julie,
Thanks for the update on what you’re working on. Unfortunately, I believe that many people’s mental health declined after 9/11. That one event affected many even if they were only vaguely touched by it.
Your quest for transparency and oversight is admirable. It seems like it would be a pretty tough quest, but I wish you the best with it.
Yes, your words flow much better :) Thanks :)
– Natasha Tracy
Hi Everyone I Would Like To Start With Thanking Each One Of You Who Share Your Stories Of Hope,Pain,Support,Ect.. I Think All Of You Are Brave & I Appreciate Your Posts Of Life & Mental Illness. I Am Still Advocating On Accountability In L.Enforcement Rapid Response Time Responding To A 911 Reported Suicide In Progress & Technology Used To Locate The Person In Crisis As Some May Know It Would Be Over 7 Hours Untill My Sister Would Be Found Laying Beside Her Cell Phone Tower & She Had Set Her Gps Location To E911 As She Was Crying Out For Help Once Again, Her 5th 911 Reported Suicide Attempt Atleast & An Extensive Prior Known History With L.Enforcement. Paranoid Schizophrenic,PTSD,Ect.. She TRUSTED, Felt Compassion & Understanding From L.Enforcement As She & Most P.Schizophrenics Trust NO One. Would Also Like To Open Up Communication Between L.Enforcement & Families Of Those With Mental Illness As Officers Involved In The 7 Hour Search Of My Sister Refused To Answer My Questions, Told I Shouldnt Have Any. Wth?
Hi Julie,
I think it’s quite reasonable to have questions, but there may not be any answers that will satisfy. Unfortunately, life is like that. Suicide isn’t something that makes sense and even when people do everything they can, including law enforcement, it doesn’t mean things will end well. I’m truly sorry about what happened and I hope you find some closure for yourself.
(As an aside, if you could not type a capital letter at the beginning of every word it would really improve the readability of your comments.)
– Natasha Tracy
Hi i was setting a therapist and was cutting pretty regular at the time. He knew it but told me as long as i was coming to see him he felt i wanted help and of course i didn’t want hospitalization. He also made his self available to me twentyfour seven.i live elsewhere but am still deeply depressed but no self injury at the moment.
Does anyone know any suicide help-lines that are available 24/7. My friend wants to commit suicide, and I don’t know what I can do to help her. Is there anything else that I can do to help her besides giving her the helpline number. She doesn’t want to talk to me about it because I got tired of her always messaging me that I told her that I didn’t care. I didn’t mean that, and I really wish she would talk, but she won’t to anyone, and I’m scared for her safety.
Hi David,
My link here will provide hotline numbers and most are 24-hours-a-day.
https://natashatracy.com/get-mental-illness-help/
– Natasha Tracy
This post and the string of comments is mind boggling to me. I was just hospitalized last week for suicidal thoughts, and was not allowed to leave the hospital once I mentioned I had such. I was there 4 days. I cannot fathom people who attempted being allowed to go home!
I had a friend who survived multiple attempts of suicide. She was a very fun-loving person who was very kind and good to me. She and I was roommates….
The last time she was hospitalized at the VA (she was a veteran) she was very much psychotic and depressed. The day she came back out of the psychosis, she asked for her belt back. The nursing staff gave it to her. Sadly, she went into the bathroom and hung herself.
That happened in 1995. To this day, I still grieve for her. My life hasn’t been the same since. Yes, I have attempted suicide multiple times. I have been involuntarily committed multiple times—after about 15 days of inpatient I was released most of the time.
I finally figured it out. One truly has to have good therapy and has to have the guts to face their issues….to which I am working on. It’s not easy cause there are not many therapists in my area….and I am so lucky to be working with a psychologist …..
She will let me “vent” my negative feelings–to which in the past, if there even was one hint of suicide attempt–off to the psych hospital I would go. Finally, after hearing the “click” of the lock and realizing that I wasn’t free …..I have begun the road to healing all the pain that I have been handed.
It’s not easy. Not to say life is easy. Cause it certainly isn’t. I have a few friends who truly know the “real me”…..
The last attempt I had….I overdosed on an anti-anxiety drug. I was unconscious for several days. I accidentally sent a friend of mine an email—she picked up on it immediately cause my words were misspelled…..didn’t make sense…..
Anyways, I contacted my mental health professionals after the fact, and they let me make the decision to go inpatient. I know how much I can take, and for the most part they are willing to let me go when I tell them I need to go.
In other words, I work diligently to keep myself healthy–or as “healthy” as I can be…..by being honest with my healthcare team I have built up trust with them.
Hi Natasha, Still Trying To Understand The Treatment Or Lack Of Given to Those Who Attempt Suicide, A Cry For Help, In The Public Safety Sector,Doctors,Hospitals, Ect. Those Who Attempt Suicide Need Immediate & Extended Care & After Care Once Released By Public Safety or Medical Professionals As Suicide Is 100% Preventable. Those Who Are Suffering In Pain Need To Know They Are Not Alone, Cared About, Hopefully How Ever Long That May Take & With Family & Friends Included. Im Still Searching for Answers,Improvement,Transparency On Immediate Response Times To Locate A 911 Reported Suicide In Progress By Use Of Technology & Cell Phone GPS To Track The Suicidal Individual Who Is Known To L.Enforcement Because of Atleast 5 Prior Suicide Attempts & Was Homeless. The Homeless Shelter Put This Individual Out As Their Allotted Time Was Up & The Individual Just Needed To Stay 2 More Nights As They Were Returning To Work After Their Company Doctor Released Them To Work. The Case Worker For This Individual Knew Of This
I hope you read this, Alexandria. I dont really know what to say to you that might help you feel better. i dont even know how to make myself feel better. what I do know is that I have a glimmer of hope that there is still joy to be had in this life. I cant remember the last day that I wouldnt rather be dead. But, what I can tell you is I am comforted when I realize I have somehow touched another life for good. evenin the simplest way. i know that your life makes a difference to more people than you can imagine. and tbere are myriads of people that you havent even met that you will be able to influence for good….to improve their life…please stick around. Im trying to muddle through….lets try to figure this out together.
I want to die. I don’t want to live anymore.
Hi Alexandria,
Thank-you for reaching out tonight. Thank-you for coming here and writing that. Thank-you for asking for help.
I know, it might not feel like that’s what you did, but it is. You asked me for help. And I’m going to tell you this: you need to live.
I understand the desire to die. I really do. I have felt it so many times that I can’t count that high. But life matters beyond the mere wanting of death. Life goes beyond that. Life is long and life can change.
I don’t know you but I know that you matter to someone and I know that someone matters to you. Maybe you can’t feel it right now, that’s OK. You’ll just have to take my word for it – that caring matters.
Please, please, read this: https://natashatracy.com/mental-illness/depression/continue-fight-pain-depression/
In short, I can hear that you’re in pain. I feel for you. And so do others. I know that my readers would reach right through this screen and hold you if they could, as would I. Your voice matters. Your comment here matters. You are not alone.
Please get help. I want to see you back here. I want you tell me how bad it was. I want you to tell us all that you survived. You can do it.
Call these people now: https://natashatracy.com/get-mental-illness-help/
Again, thank-you for coming here and commenting.
– Natasha Tracy
Obviously I don’t know you Alexandria but I want very much for you to live. I want this thread of people reaching to help, even if only slightly, absorb some of your pain. I have been there also. I know though that EVERYTHING CHANGES. It is always changing. And although that may mean learning to hold on to even just a few hopeful, kind words at a time like this, it will change. You will feel some relief sooner than you may imagine. And that is what will allow you to keep moving forward, learning to either crawl or claw your way past these agonizing feelings that are leaving you so distraught right now. We have to help each other learn to ride the waves of our deep and strong emotions.
I will be thinking of YOU this evening Alexandria. You matter. Please follow Natasha’s links for further help. I look forward to seeing you post again.
Alexandria,
I’m so sorry you feel so down that you want to die. I’ve felt that way too…so many times. I’ve been through so much that made me feel that way, most notably the death of my fiance. Grief from losing the person you love the most is hell on earth, and so many times all I wanted to do was join him. But you know what has kept me going? First, the thought that no matter how much pain I was in, I could NEVER put those who care about me through that kind of hell (only worse). And there ARE people who care. You might not believe that right now, and I get that. It’s OK; we’ll believe it for ya. Second, my antidepressant. In other words, I sought medical attention. Third, my fellow grievers. In other words I sought support from othes who were going through what I was. When others actually do understand, because they truly have been there, you realize you’re not alone, and that creates a powerful bond. That’s what has helped me…I hope my story can help you. Please: seek medical attention–now. *HUGS*
I want to die. I can’t live anymore.
Alexandria, I know that you must feel very scared and in pain right now. Trust me we have all been there before. We are here to talk about this because we chose to live. You too could be a help to someone in this forum as you know exactly what it is like to be in that dark place. You have made the first step please do what Natasha says and call these people right away https://natashatracy.com/get-mental-illness-help/
Judging by the responses I can only imagine how many people this must effect! Seriously, there must be enough people to cause a movement to make hospitals sit up and take notice. To create a mandatory treatment for all people who are lucky enough to find their way to the hospital and a way to enforce it. Who do these doctors think they are playing God! That one person is suicidal and one is just “faking” because they want attention.
I’m so frustrated…this is so sad!
It may have been already talked about but it would take a long time to go back through all the comments. Lol. I’m curious if its because we are not taken serious. Sometimes they think people are just wanting attention. To me I really don’t think it should matter. If someone is thinking it for real or whatever it should be addressed. When we have a mental illness they should recognize we are not stable at that moment. Most people don’t reach out because they think it’s the only way out and when/if they do seek help and they are sent home…. What does that say to them? Exactly what they were already thinking. We almost always here after that signs were given but never noticed by loved ones or taken serious. I have an agreement with my loved ones if I ever reach that point but honestly if Im there would I say anything? As stated earlier that feeling/thoughts don’t go away in a day and they didn’t get there in a day.
Hi Wendy,
Well I’ve definitely talked about this. I’m with you – whether a person supposedly does it for “attention” or not, it should be taken seriously because one must consider how horrible a place one would have to be in to want such attention. Obviously that person needs help too.
Now, I know that in rare instances there are people who probably are best served by giving their behavior as little attention as possible as they really are _just_ attention-seeking but this is so the exception.
And all that being said, _most_ people are _very_ serious about a suicide attempt, no matter how close to successful it is.
And I also agree it sends an incredibly bad message to the person who is already suicidal. It’s criminal, in my opinion.
Yes, it’s more than tragic when a person does commit suicide and people saw the warnings ahead of time – and there usually are warnings when a person is sick. (To be clear, maybe not warnings of suicide, but warnings of sickness.)
I think it’s deplorable how we treat people in this situation and I would absolutely change it if I could.
– Natasha Tracy
Natasha I Agree With You 100% That Ignoring A Person That Is Talking About Suicide, Who Is Suicidal Is Criminal. Some Friends,1st Responders,EMT’s Get Tired Of Responding To “Frequent Flyers” & Some May Feel If There That Miserable Let Them Complete Their Attempt & Many Of The Above Feel Those Who Attempt Suicide Are Selfish As It Hurts Loved Ones Of The Mentally Ill Who Are Lost & Left On Earth Trying To Understand Why? Those Who Attempt Suicide Are In A Very Dark & Lonley Place Suffering In Severe Pain & Not Pretending Or Acting To Get Attention. I Have Done Alot Of Reading On Mental Illness & Suicide Since My Sisters Death On September 8 2010 Her Last Cry For Help To 911 @ 11:00a.m.,Her Phones Gps Location Was Set To E911 & She Waited For Help To Arrive Sitting Beside Her Cell Tower But Help Didnt Arrive For Over 7 Hours Even Though P.Safety Had Her Location Provided By Her Cell Phone Carrier: Less Than .335 Of A Mile (634 Feet)From 1 Of Only 2 Towers, 2 Miles From Her Temporary Home In A Lovely Park.
This has happened to me a few times, none more confusting than in October 2007.
After a day in which I’d walked fifty kilometres, suffering from hallucinations and eating and drinking nothing in this time, I attempted to hang myself. Whilst this was happening I had been registered and investigated by police as a missing person after a suicide note (that had been described as ‘schizophrenic’) was found. As such, I was taken to the hospital in the back of a police divvy van.
Twenty minutes later, after a cursory inspection, with a rather obvious circular mark on my neck, I was discharged and sent home as being ‘fine’. At the time I was living alone on the 13th floor of an apartment building, I had no-one to turn to for support and was terrified, confused, in pain (physically and mentally) and alone.
Two weeks later I was homeless and on the streets.
I’ve never understood why I was discharged that night, and probably never will.
I am constantly in and out of A&E for either overdosing or cutting too deep and constantly sent home, I have even told the psychs that when I leave I am buying more tablets to take and they still send me home
Hi Sheriene,
I’m so sorry to hear that. It sounds to me like you’re in serious distress. Should you maybe admit yourself for help? I understand that you may feel very let down but the system – and you have every reason to feel that way – but there are people there to help you and it sounds like it’s time for you to ask for help.
See here for information on getting help: https://natashatracy.com/get-mental-illness-help/
– Natasha Tracy
Natasha I’m going to have to disagree with you on this one. I recently attempted suicide a couple of weeks ago and to be honest, I felt that hospitalization made it worse. I felt trapped. Miserable. And they wanted me to spend an even longer time; however, I went home. And when I went home, I was surprised and shocked that I was welcomed with support and love which I had never gotten much before. When I came home, we took steps on how I should get better. I’ve had depression for about 4 months. I started getting help and doing more at home that made me interact with my environment rather than being cooped up in a hospital room feeling embarrassed.
Hi Katherine,
Well, it’s completely OK to disagree with me :)
There are two issues with your comment.
1. The hospital is not a pleasant place, believe me, I know that, but it’s designed to keep you alive while the initial treatment takes place. It did that. You’re still here. Most people are not equipped to provide that kind of support at home.
2. You went home to a positive environment and I would say that’s rare. Most people who attempt suicide do _not_ go home to welcoming arms. Some do, and they are fortunate, but many go home to nothing, or people who have turned their backs on them due to their suicide attempt. For these people the hospital is a lifeline where none other exists.
I’m glad your supports welcomed you home and you’re feeling better. That is the best outcome no matter how you got there.
– Natasha Tracy
I hate hospitals too. The very last time I was inpatient, I came home sicker (physically) than when I went in. The psych doc would not LISTEN…..I was being very honest—
Coming home to a positive environment is what is needed; however, most often it is not there. I come home to the same ole environment time after time. No one is there to welcome me…no one is there asking me if I need something…..
YOU are definitely lucky! I would embrace the positive people/environment and be grateful.
People are very lax about listening to folks who are suicidal–whether it be intentional or attention seeking. I know there has been times when my attempts were INTENTIONAL and I wanted to die…..the last one was pretty intense. However, lots of mine was to say “Hey, I’m in so much pain–physical/emotional”….HELP ME…..
Good luck!
I was just in the hospital involuntarily and rather than have a therapist talk to me they just treated me for alcohol abuse. They ignored the fact that I was having suicidal thoughts and idealisations about suicide. They didn’t even try to change my medications. I am not better and now feel even more hopeless. I had wanted to be a nurse but got a Dui (risk taking of bipolar disorder) so I think that dream is gone too. Where do I go from here?
Hi Shan13,
I’m sorry to hear the hospital didn’t focus in the right area. That can be a problem. Doctors hone in on one thing and forget everything else. But please understand that this doesn’t mean that there’s no hope for you, it just means that some people didn’t do the right thing.
When they released you, did they give you a plan? Perhaps someone, like a therapist, to contact once you got out? Do you have a psychiatrist? These are your sources of help. If they are not working for you, get a referral to someone new. Remember, just because one doctor can’t find the right medication or therapy for you doesn’t mean it isn’t out there. Sometimes it takes a fresh perspective to find what you need.
I understand you must have been in a really bad place to be involuntarily admitted to the hospital but it sounds like you really want help and that a very good starting point. You can also use this mental health resources locator to find additional sources of help: https://natashatracy.com/get-mental-illness-help/
As for your dream of being a nurse – don’t give up! Many people overcome their illness and do many incredible things. But right now, make your health the priority. Once you are feeling better, then you can tackle that dream.
– Natasha Tracy
I believe it, it happened to me! I was 15 years old and nearly died. As soon as my physical condition was stabilized I was released with no follow up. I made another suicide attempt less than two years later.
Guy walked into my work, bleeding from a self-inflicted stomach wound. After calling the ambulance and cleaning up the blood, it was back to work. Policeman told me the guy was probably attention-seeking. Two days later he was wandering around the streets again. He came in to apologise for the mess. I said I was glad to see him alive and well and I was glad he came in the first place. He didn’t really take it on board. I’d say he was still very, very depressed.
Hi Sarah,
That’s horrific. I wish we could handle such situations better.
– Natasha
I was also not hospitalized after my suicide attempt. Although I wasn’t very conscious I remember the doctor suggesting to my father that I stay the night. I was asked if I wanted to and I mumbled “No”. My father said that he would just take me home.
My mother would tell me much later that she felt I was never taken seriously at the hospital. i can’t help but think that the staff thought that I was just being a silly teenager.
I’m glad that I wasn’t hospitalized because medical intervention clearly wasn’t working for me and wouldn’t work for me now but I am bothered that it wasn’t enforced.
Hi Kristen,
That sounds pretty de rigure these days. Personally, I think asking someone who just tried to kill themselves whether they “want” to stay in the hospital a bit silly. The person _wants_ to die for gosh sake. Saying yes to a hospital stay seems very unlikely.
And to be fair, had they have had a program ready for you in the hospital it might have helped. However, obviously you are still here to tell the tale so something went right for you.
– Natasha Tracy
Hi Natasha,
It’s very silly to ask someone who’s just attempted suicide if they want to stay, especially when they are still drugged!
I always seemed to hit this brick wall of “not being serious” enough. I don’t think I’ve had the luck of seeing good doctors….But yes you are right, something went right and I wish I knew what it was cause it might be something helpful to share!
Thanks for posting this!
Kristen
Hi Natasha,
Thanks for this post, I’m so glad your friend is OK.
This happened to me too (in UK). I made a suicide attempt way back in 2000 and was never hospitalised. Whilst I’m soooo grateful to the experts who saved me, I was also completely bewildered at the time as to why I wasn’t given more help. I was just packed off back home to Mum & Dad’s at that time, which was where a lot of the trouble was. I just didn’t get it. I did get to see a psychiatrist the following week, but I was in such a bad way emotionally I needed a lot more support really.
Thanks for highlighting the issue.
Rachel
Hi Rachel,
I’m sorry you had that experience but I’m glad you’re still here to tell the tale. What help did you want and what did get your through? (If you feel like sharing.)
– Natasha Tracy
Thanks for your response Natasha- wow, popular post!
You asked what help I would have liked after my suicide attempt. Well, when I lived in Leeds a year or two after the event, I was given treatment for hypomania in a day centre, which I attended voluntarily for a week.
This is the best care I have ever had and felt this would have been really helpful after my suicide attempt. We had our own support workers who were readily available if we needed them to talk to. Groups and therapies were timetabled throughout the day and we also had a couple of appointments with the psychiatrist whilst we were there. I felt supported and I think this was a great service. I’ve never come across anything similar since then.
Hi Rachel,
Thanks for your reply. It’s good to focus on solutions as well as problems :)
Day treatment, like you’re describing, is a godsend for many people. Like you said, you can feel very supported for the time when you need it the most.
– Natasha Tracy
Hi, id just like to share that in the UK things are just as bad. I live in Cornwall and for the last 10 years have been in and out of hospital due to alcohol related cutting and overdoses. I was treated really badly and it took this long (till last August) to diagnose me, finally with Bipolar, now that I know why I go from Steady and calm to in my opinion till recently a Raving Lunatic at 300 miles per hour I can now learn how to manage my symptoms. Prior to diagnosis I went through several years of self loathing, self punishment, beating myself up, physically and mentally to now saying to myself “this will pass and I will come through this phase”. I am so grateful to come accross sites like yours Tracy as its only through people like you and the generous people who post on here that people like me learn how to cope better with Bipolar. So thank you for making me feel that Im not alone. Claire, Truro, England.
Hi Claire,
I’m sorry the road has been so long and hard for you. You’re not alone in that, but I do hope it doesn’t always have to be that way for people.
Now that you know what’s wrong you can start to heal. It’s often a watershed moment for people when they finally realize it’s not just them – they just have an illness like many others.
I’m glad I could reinforce that you’re not alone. We’re happy to have you here and I’m happy I could help.
– Natasha
I used to cut my legs a lot and on oct.5th I attempted overdose. I threw up and it made me break out in a full body rash. My mom never knew it was suicide she thought I had an allergic reaction to something and she never found out about the cuts…is stopped cutting after that but I still wanted to die. Only one friend and now currently my bf knows about this. They always watch me to make sure I’m okay and they’re the only reason I stay. My parents and school are stressful and hard on me I had so many reasons to live so I started cutting again..Not as much but I have a couple scars. On March 18 I attempted overdose again this time it failed because I threw it up (no rash) no nothing so no one at all knew about this. but before this in February I became very sick and have lost a lot of weight…I still don’t know why I got that sick and I’m still trying to recover my appetite. Once again a lot of my problems and outside stress have me completely un-emotional…my grades are dropping and my parents don’t know that either. I feel so alone and I don’t know what to do. Like I said I really love my best friend and bf because they are the only nice people to me but I’m too weak to even hold on for them. I just hate that they would have to suffer and it’s not their fault. then on march 30th I was home alone…got very depressed and I tried slitting my wrist…my parents came home while I was doing it but they never found out cause I put everything away. Not I just have this deep cut on my arm and my bracelet hides it. I feel like every time I attempt I fail but I just want to leave so badly. I think it’s time for me to ask for help because I am not physically and mentally stable and I feel like maybe I do have something to live for and I just don’t know it yet plus I can’t make a lie about why ,y grades are low and I’m grumpy al the time. I just don’t know how I should admit to my parents that I need help. Especially since they will just punish, blame, or judge me and get the completely wrong idea about everything or say that they don’t want to use a lot of money because I think help is expensive. I even want to run away. I’m so scared to admit everything but I think I really need help. How do I admit all this to them. I feel like I have a bad memory too so remembering everything that ahs happen will be hard to explain to them. Can I please have some suggestions on how to approach this?
Hi Jackie,
I have bipolar 1 disorder, and at first it was hard to tell my parents but I’m glad I did, because they have been a rock of support. It was very upsetting news for them, because when I first asked for help it was for them to drive me to the hospital and I was psychotic. However, they dealt with it practically.
Most parents are going to love their children unconditionally, even if you think they won’t. Having said that, there are some who are going to have difficult reactions and who will be more of a burden on you than a support. Only you know your parents well enough to make that call.
If you are going to tell them perhaps do it over a cup of tea or something, and give them time to absorb the information and react. Have evidence on hand such as doctors reports so that they believe you. The typical reaction to finding out that your child has a disability or major illness is just like you would react if someone died. They will go through phases such as denial, barganing, anger, depression, b efore they are able to help you.
However I would not keep the truth from them for much longer. It’s much better to deal with these things as a family. It would be worse if they found out later or during a suicide attempt or something. A family is the rock of support for the mentally ill.
Hi Jackie,
I think Sarah’s advice is good, I just have a few things to add.
Firstly, the way you have explained what has been happening to me, here, has been quite understandable and makes it really obvious that you need help. And make no mistake about it you _are_right_ you do need to reach out and you _do_ need help.
So I think it’s obvious that you _can_ explain it in a way that’s easy to understand.
I can understand, though, if you’re worried about communicating the same information to your parents. It can be a lot of pressure to explain that sort of thing to parents. I recommend writing down what you want to say before you say it that way you keep things straight and don’t forget anything.
If you’re really concerned, you could always consider writing your parents a letter rather than speaking to them directly. That gives them the opportunity for them to adjust to the information without you sitting right in front of them because, as Sarah said, they will go through a range of emotions when they find out you are sick.
And remember, even if your parents initially react poorly (mine did) it doesn’t mean they always will. They may just need some time. I know it can be really hard to give them that time right now, but it may be what they need to see things from your perspective.
Also, remember that right now you _do_ need help and if your parents aren’t prepared to get it for you, many people will. I have lots of resources that can help you listed here: https://natashatracy.com/get-mental-illness-help/
Don’t be afraid to reach out if you need to.
And just to reiterate what Sarah said, your parents may be your biggest supporters, but you need to give them a chance to be. Please feel free to come back here any time and talk. You’re not alone. Whether the discussion with your parents goes well or not, remember, there are many people who want to help you.
Good luck.
– Natasha Tracy
I had a suicide attempt April of 2011, no one (myself included due to manic /mixed episodes) knew I needed hospitalization until November of 2011. I encourage hospitals whenever anyone needs them. They aren’t always fun (except craft time), but they truly can keep you safe.
By the way, I am glad I found your blog though bipolargnomes.com. I like your style.
Hi Synna,
Thanks. Nice to have you.
Did people not know of your suicide attempt then or were they aware but felt you didn’t need hospitalization?
Personally, I didn’t like craft time. I felt infantilized. But that’s me. It’s good that other people find it a useful outlet, however.
– Natasha Tracy
They weren’t aware and the hospital was too stupid to realize it. My heart was beating 156bpm. It was crazy, but all attempts are.
It’s that, “hospital was too stupid to realize it,” thing that ticks me off. They’re professionals and it’s their job to recognize mental illness when they see it. Darnit.
I’m glad you did get help eventually.
– Natasha Tracy
Hi I read the above comments and found very interesting, two years ago I went to jump and ended up in hospital for over 1 month.
and crisis team daily for a month on leaving and then under mental health.
two years later I am not under them and have not comitted suricide , or self harming.
I still have a community mental health worker weekly who I talk too.
I cannot free myself of that day I went to jump, the day it happened, just like that.
I had years ago overdosed and ended up in hospital, plus many year eating disordered anorixia, hospitalised for a good year and then outpatinet,
I work in mental health now and look to all that I am proffeseional but deep inside I just cant be free of the two years ago, is this normal, I just cant be free
Hi Amylee,
I’m sorry to hear you have gone through such struggles – but you have come out the other side, which is positive.
I can’t say what is normal for you but I can say that attempting to take your own life is a very traumatic experience. I think it takes a long time and possibly a lot of therapy to get over that. Or maybe, having that in the back of your mind keeps you from trying again. And maybe that is positive.
Don’t give up on freedom. We’ve all done things we wish we could forget, and one day it will seem more like a memory than reality. Maybe you just need a bit more time and a bit more help to make it that way.
– Natasha Tracy
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harold_A._Sackeim
I attempted suicide on the 30th of December, do I need to go a mental hospital? I’m thirteen, by the way.
Elizabeth,
Yes, you absolutely need help _right_now_. Talk to someone you trust or call a help line and they will be able to direct you further. https://natashatracy.com/get-mental-illness-help/
You are not alone. Not one of us wants to see you hurt yourself or worse. There are resources just for people your age. People can help you. You don’t have to live with that pain.
Be well and leave a comment here any time.
– Natasha
I attempted suicide if you call it that. I call it half hearted, if i truly wanted to die i could easily make it happen. Funny thing is the medication was the cause of the attempt, as it induced akasthisia, a well known reaction leading to suicide. I came off the drug and i assume a hospital would have added more, making me worse instead of better. In fact the only times i have ever overdosed was when on drugs, and doctors are at pains to deny drugs can be the problem and always blame the patient or condition. Why compel someone to seek help that may or maynot make them more likely to kill themselves, not to even delve back into the fact SSRIs are barely better than placebos.
I also notice someone posted about ECT. Yes your brain damage is from ECT, and memory problems(brain damage) are very common. I think ECT should be relegated to the dustbin of history along with labotomys, which im sure if this site existed then would defend.
This article seems similar to the forced drug treatment, it again reaks of i know best model of treatment. You should not be able to compel a patient to go to a mental institution. What if the treatment is the problem.
Ben,
I’m sorry that you attempted suicide, or self-harmed and I’m sorry if the medication was part of the problem. I’m not aware of any case where akaesthesia was a contributor to suicide, however. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001810/
Additionally, it is very well-documented that ECT does not cause brain damage: http://www.fda.gov/downloads/AdvisoryCommittees/CommitteesMeetingMaterials/MedicalDevices/MedicalDevicesAdvisoryCommittee/NeurologicalDevicesPanel/UCM240933.pdf
– Natasha Tracy
Something most remarkable and unexpected has occurred in the field of psychiatry. Lead by a lifelong defender and promoter of shock treatment, Harold Sackeim, a team of investigators has recently published a follow up study of 347 patients given the currently available methods of electroshock, including the supposedly most benign forms–and confirmed that electroshock causes permanent brain damage and dysfunction.
Based on numerous standardized psychological tests, six months after the last ECT every form of the treatment was found to cause lasting memory and mental dysfunction. In the summary words of the investigators, “Thus, adverse cognitive effects were detected six months following the acute treatment course.” They concluded, “this study provides the first evidence in a large, prospective sample that adverse cognitive effects can persist for an extended period, and that they characterize routine treatment with ECT in community settings.”
Not being aware of any case of akasthisia contibuting to suicide… now you do.
One case discussed dated back to 2001, when Dr Healy testified at a wrongful death trial in Wyoming, after a 60-year-old man on Paxil shot and killed his wife, daughter and infant granddaughter before turning the gun on himself in 1998.
At trial, the jury returned a verdict for the man’s son-in-law after Dr Healy presented the jury with a summary of an unpublished company study that found incidents of serious aggression in 80 patients on Paxil, including 25 that involved homicide, and proved that the drug maker knew about the violence and suicide risks before the 1998 shootings.
Dr Healy points out a rechallenge study by Rothschild and Locke in McLean Hospital where the authors found Prozac-induced emergent suicidality associated with akathisia in several patients. In order to test whether suicidality was coincidental or associated with Prozac, they withdrew Prozac, then re-administered it, and in all three cases, the patients experienced the exact same effect. “All three patients developed severe akathisia during treatment with fluoxetine and stated that the development of the akathisia made them feel suicidal and that it had precipitated their prior suicide attempts.”
Do you have a reference for the Sackheim information?
– Natasha Tracy
sorry posted reference further up
Thanks Ben, I’ll take a look at it when I have a chance.
– Natasha Tracy
I used to work as a crisis counselor in an emergency department. One of the most discouraging things for me working there would be suicide attempts that would be sent to ICU because of the seriousness of their attempts, and then find out the psychiatrist had shown up the next morning to evaluate them and they were released after a 15 minute eval. I’d shake my head each time. It made me so frustrated. I had to leave my job for a variety of reasons, but frustration with what was happening around me was one of the most important reasons.
Hi Melissa,
Yes, I have to think that your average doctor doesn’t take psychological illness nearly as seriously as other types of sickness. It seems they don’t even respect psychiatrists as much as they respect other types of doctors.
It’s sad that doctors perpetuate the stigma around mental illness, but they sure seem to do it.
– Natasha Tracy
“We have no beds.” It’s mostly about lack of funding.
I’ve attempted suicide and been released (“we have no beds”), have been committed under the Mental Health Act and released after a day in the ER (“we have no beds in the psych ward, it’ll be at least a five day wait”), and have been refused care in the ER more times than I can remember (“we’d like to admit you, but we have no beds available”).
Hospitals don’t have the resources to deal with suicidal people when their beds are filled with patients so ill they have to be hospitalized involuntarily. If you want help, that means you don’t need it as much as they do. So, you don’t get it.
I’ve been involved with the Canadian system a long time, and am cynical because of my experiences and the many horror stories I’ve heard from peers. Provinces just keep cutting budgets and closing beds. This is one result. Tragic, but unless we gain political will to fund services, they will remain inadequate.
Hi Sandra,
I feel similarly. I know it’s a funding problem, and I too, am jaded. (I try to be a smidge more hopeful in my writing through. Bleak doesn’t really help people (not that I’m saying you are)).
I try not to think about the politics of it. I know they’re important but I can’t fight every fight. I do what I do and alas, someone else will have to take care of the other bits. There isn’t enough of me to go around as it is :)
But no, it isn’t good enough. But there aren’t easy answers to such problems.
– Natasha Tracy
I can be awfully bleak, I know it. :) I’m glad you give people more hope.
For sure it’s complicated and there’s a lot to be done for mental health on many fronts, not just political. I’ve become more involved in the political side in recent years and it’s daunting, but I hope ultimately rewarding for a lot of people. Keep doing what you’re doing, I’ll keep at it too, and we’ll change the world.
Hi Sandra,
Well, I don’t know about changing the world, but I hope to help out a little.
– Natasha Tracy
Hi,
I doubt that the hospitals could cope if they admitted everyone who presented to the ER after a suicide attempt.
Earlier this year, I attempted suicide twice within one month. Both times I went to ER and was treated, assessed and released. I have a dissociative disorder, and both times the assessing psychiatrists mistook my dissociation for boredom and a lack of firm plans. It’s not easy to assess a level of risk – I was labelled high risk by the admitting nurse using a check sheet, but low risk by the psychiatrist. It’s not always easy to understand how serious, or not, someone is about suicide. Sometimes it isn’t about wanting help, sometimes it’s about wanting to die.
Also associated with the idea that if you presented with a suicide attempt, that you were automatically admitted… in my case, that would mean that I wouldn’t seek help. My fear of psychiatric hospitals is so great, that I would run the risk of the suicide than get help.
Regards,
CG
Hi CG,
“I doubt that the hospitals could cope if they admitted everyone who presented to the ER after a suicide attempt.”
OK, I see your point, but I’m not sure I agree with it. Many of the people here who have been responding say they were released and then attempted against. And time in the ER is some of the most expensive time you can spend in the hospital, so it seems to me that avoiding future suicide attempts would actually be a money/hospital saving strategy.
“It’s not always easy to understand how serious, or not, someone is about suicide. Sometimes it isn’t about wanting help, sometimes it’s about wanting to die.”
I completely agree (I’m writing about a study on that now.). But what we usually say is every suicide attempt should be taken seriously. It seems reasonable that if a person goes to all the trouble of dying such that they end up in the hospital, they should be taken seriously.
“Also associated with the idea that if you presented with a suicide attempt, that you were automatically admitted… in my case, that would mean that I wouldn’t seek help. My fear of psychiatric hospitals is so great, that I would run the risk of the suicide than get help.”
That’s a good point. And I hate to dispel you of the idea but realistically, when you present yourself for treatment, they could admit you on an involuntary psych hold anyway. For example, when the police bring in someone who tried to kill themselves and the person refuses treatment, they might admit that person due to imminent risk of harm.
It’s a complicated issue. I guess I just feel like if people got adequate help the first time, we might be able to avoid future suffering down the road. It’s not like hospitals guarantee this, but doing nothing sure the heck doesn’t make it better.
– Natasha Tracy
I agree that quality, on-going care is the best option. I’m sure it would save the hospital, the individual and society in the long term. However, I know from experience that the hospitals have a bed/patient capacity, and that is very quickly met within the psychiatric wards. So my first statement was about resourcing, more than anything else… the hospitals just don’t have the beds available. I think that is part of the reason why they are so quick to release people – I’ve read a few blogs written by psychiatrists who talk about resource shortages as being one of the determining factors as to who gets admitted.
I realise that I run the risk of being admitted involuntarily, and I have been once. But, I also know that my dissociation can, for want of a better word, “fool” the assessing psychiatrists. I can be in total internal chaos, but still present as functional to the outside world. This happened last year, where I was assessed for a serious suicide attempt, dissociated through the assessment, was sent home to carry out a more serious attempt within a few hours. So I’m well aware of what may happen when I’m assessed, but my experience tells me that I won’t be admitted. I also won’t get any follow-up, and the crisis team will send out the Police if you call them saying that you are suicidal… You may have picked on one aspect of the mental health system here, but the problems are fairly widespread throughout the system.
Regards,
CG
Hi CG,
I know all about bed capacity and budget making decisions over care. Sucks. But then, reality so often does. And people do get released far too soon for the same reason.
You’re right, the system has cracks all over. All we can do is try not to fall in one of them.
– Natasha Tracy
I have the dissociation thing going on too so a while back, when I was feeling well + clear headed I made a point of telling my spouse not to believe a word that comes out of my mouth when I get seriously hopeless + suicidal. I was surprised at how easy it was to convince everyone I was fine the last few times I was in the ER after a suicidal OD.
Hi Tracy,
As I’ve mentioned previously, last Christmas I attempted to take my life by overdose. When I was taken to the hospital they were going to release me as they said I could not die from Valium and didn’t take my attempt seriously to warrant hospitalisation. Had I taken another medication, I would have died. At the time I did not know what medications can/cannot kill me…I was desperate. My family convinced the hospital that it was a serious attempt as I left several suicide notes. Only then they kept me in. I was then transferred to a public psychiatric hospital…then to a private clinic where I had 12 sessions of ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy) as my suicidal thoughts and urges were still strong…despite it being the single most agonising experience of my life..it did help save it. However I tried to attempt to take my life a few times whilst hospitalised. After 9 weeks of being hospitalised and one week since my last ECT session, I was released. I was still heavily suicidal. I was lost, depressed, emotional. Everything felt like it moved/changed, except me. I returned to work one week after my last ECT. It was terrible. Work relocated our department and I was agitated and stressed. It was horrible. I was released too early but my health insurance only allows for a certain amount of time in hospital or you need to sit in front of a panel of psychiatrists to convince them you are still not well. Ridiculous really. There isn’t a time in my life where I’ll ever forget what happened. I’m different. I started to do Zumba at Rumba Studio (South Australia) and it’s helped save my life also. Exercise helps so much. No one will every understand what I went through. It feels like people around you personalise my suicide attempt like it happened to them. I’m sure it’s hard on them but it’s not about them. The lectures and over analysis, using my mental illnesses against me and so-forth. It’s horrible but I push forward. I do feel better than I’ve ever been but that’s due to exercise and medication. I’m too exhausted to work full time but I do. Basically if a hospital tries to send you home, insist on staying in as you don’t know if you’ll attempt again when release. I believe I would have attempted again if I was sent home. For me, the urges are worse after the attempt as you are more confidence to do it. Also easier when the hospital tells you what medication would work. Unbelievable that they advertise this to a suicide patient. Fight for being hospitalised if you don’t feel safe, it does help being formally diagnosed, medicated and if you require ETC, it helps…it did for me. I’m Bipolar II with severe depression.
Hi Tanya,
(Quick thing, my first name is Natasha.)
I agree, talking about which meds are lethal and which ones aren’t is ridiculous and (if you ask me) unethical. It’s practically like drawing a map to suicide.
And I’m not a fan of the she-couldn’t-really-die-from-that-so-she-must-not-be-serious thing. I feel like if you’re sick enough to OD on drugs that’s a pretty clear signal you need some professional help.
I’m extremely sorry you had to go through such rough times. Your disease was really strong. That’s horrible and painful.
“I was lost, depressed, emotional. Everything felt like it moved/changed, except me.”
I think that’s a common feeling. You can’t change, the illness won’t let you, and yet everyone is treating you like you grew a second head. It’s horribly disorienting and frightening. And it creates distance between you and everyone else.
Unfortunately some, if not most, people are released before they’re ready in the States. For eating disorders, for example, 80% of patients are released before they’re ready, mostly due to costs.
“It feels like people around you personalise my suicide attempt like it happened to them. I’m sure it’s hard on them but it’s not about them.”
Again, I agree. I know it’s hard on the people around the attempter – I know, I just went through it – but it _is_ about the person in pain and not about their loved ones. I have to shelve my feelings for a moment and help the _sick_person_. I wish more people could understand that.
“. . . if a hospital tries to send you home, insist on staying in as you don’t know if you’ll attempt again when release. I believe I would have attempted again if I was sent home. For me, the urges are worse after the attempt as you are more confidence to do it. Also easier when the hospital tells you what medication would work . . . Fight for being hospitalised if you don’t feel safe, it does help being formally diagnosed, medicated and if you require ETC, it helps…it did for me.”
Thank-you. Important words.
– Natasha Tracy
Hi Natasha,
So sorry I keep calling you Tracy!!
Thanks for your words. Yes, each day is hard and the constant reminder of what I did and went through will never leave my mind. There are still times I sit there wishing my attempt worked so I don’t have to live with the memories and constant pain. I’ve had physical pain since ECT.. I have deep bruising around my brain…the muscles and tendons. Apparently this is rare. It’s been over 5mths since I had ECT and I don’t understand why I still have pain. My memory will never be the same. I sit there trying to remember even the most simple words and I can’t. It’s quite frustrating and is a constant reminder.
Having said doing Zumba has helped with the spasms I get from Lithium. I’ve had break from Zumba and now realise how much it’s helped.
Thanks again,
Tanya
Hi Tanya,
I’m sorry you’ve had such pain with ECT. I’m not sure. I would say that physical, prolonged pain from ECT is rare. Actually, I’ve never even heard of it happening. Pain, itself is common, but people generally only find it only after the first 1-2 treatments and goes away in a day or two. (I had more pain than that, personally, but it didn’t last long after treatments ended.)
What I can tell you is that depression increases the sensation of physical pain and physical pain increases feelings of depression. One seems to feed off the other. There’s no real explanation as to why this is, but many people experience it. If you’re still having pain that’s bothering you after five months you might consider seeing a pain specialist and seeing what they have to say. Pain specialists are often better equipped to treat pain and if you can treat the pain, you may find the depression getting better too.
I know how frustrated memory issues can be. It can be from the ECT, the depression or from medication. It’s always hard to pin down exactly what causes it. I grope for words sometimes too, but you generally wouldn’t know it to speak with me. You might consider cognitive (memory) therapy. There are actually active things you can do to help your memory. I’m not well-acquainted with the techniques but it’s the kind of thing that people with brain injuries get. It really does work. A friend of mine had to learn how to walk and talk again.
But, if I may offer a ra-ra sentiment – you are making progress. You are defying the odds. You are facing you roadblocks head-on. You’re amazing. I know how hard it is, but you’re making a life for yourself anyway.
Thank-you for sharing.
– Natasha Tracy
SIgh. If only it were that easy to make doctors care for you. In a psych ward they are generally the ones with least patient contact. It seems a weird game where if you want the care you can’t get it but if you insisted you didn’t need it then they would say you had no insight and obviously needed it.
Hi MMC,
Yes, I know. “Making” doctors (and other healthcare professionals) care is no mean feat. People often need advocates for that; which is sad.
“It seems a weird game where if you want the care you can’t get it but if you insisted you didn’t need it then they would say you had no insight and obviously needed it.”
Ah irony. Where would comedy be without it?
– Natasha Tracy
I also walked right out of ER after an overdose. They left me in the waiting room for HOURS (the thing that probably saved my life is I threw a ton right before we got to the hospital) and by the time I finally woke up and realized where I was and how long I had been there I started yelling and telling them that if I was going to die I would have been dead by now so obviously I don’t need their help anymore. They shrugged and I walked out. The friend who had taken me was horrified and couldn’t believe they would just let me walk out like that. If they had at the very least put me in an ER room I probably would have gotten a little more help or maybe a suggestion to go to the psych ward. I still had more pills in my pocket!! They never checked to see or even asked me if I planned to do it again.
Hannah,
OK, _that_ is atrocious. It makes me angry (and I sense you might be a bit angry too).
– Natasha Tracy
Yes. I WANTED some kind of help. Not that I wanted to be committed, but I at least wanted to talk to somebody, anybody. My husband had moved out the day before and I told the triage nurse that, so it wasn’t like the crisis had even passed. I was left to go back to a very empty house, feeling VERY alone and very embarrassed. A coworker is who took me to the ER, when I didn’t show up to work, she showed up at my house, knowing that my husband had left and was worried about me. She went above and beyond is expected of a coworker so I already felt I had been a burden to her and didn’t want to unload more on her. But I really, really needed to talk to someone.
Hannah,
“Yes. I WANTED some kind of help.”
See, to me that’s the kicker. You actually _wanted_ help. You were reaching out. Medical professionals were in the optimum position to lead you to a new, positive place. You were willing. That put you ahead of so many people who fight every step of the way. But instead of seizing that opportunity they sunk it.
I don’t think most people _want_ admission to the hospital; they just want help and sometimes the hospital is the best place to get it.
“I was left to go back to a very empty house, feeling VERY alone and very embarrassed.”
Yes. Which is awful. Their poor care compounded the problem.
Kind of ticks me off.
– Natasha Tracy
The help me sign is a flashing neon sign. I’ve attempted suicide four times and fortunately I was committed each time – on top of five other times. Being committed isn’t about labeling anyone as being mentally Ill, it’s about getting help when it’s needed. I cannot imagine not being committed after a suicide attempt. That’s just complete malpractice as far as I’m concerned.
My son attempted suicide once, was given a leaflet at emergency psychiatric assessment and left to own devices.”he said he would seek help if felling suicidal again” Yeah right! …and 3 days later attempted again, this time needing emergency cardiothoracic surgery…then detained “for own safety” and ‘found’ fatally wounded in hospital….whilst under Enhanced observations!
Possessions sent home in bin liner marked NHS Household Waste, no police, no weapon secured, no investigation until 5 years later and now almost 6 years after son’s death the SUI Report into care and Treatment has been published (because we secured it and chased it every step of way)…..and still glaring errors and non-alignment to policy or guidance! So it will be back to PHSO to test whether with new evidence an investigation can now take place…was told no investigation because inadequate notes……isnt that the investigation?
But after four senior staff and whole Board resigned (staff moved and still in senior NHS jobs) the new management team are thankfully looking a lot more professional and willing to work with me to help improve patient safety.
Major problem with Training I feel where self harm is seen as attempted suicide or unfinished suicide…..not the cry for help that it undoubtedly is!
House of Lords debate http://news.bbc.co.uk/democracylive/hi/house_of_lords/newsid_9397000/9397016.stm VERY INTERESTING…especially ex Psychiatrist Lord Alderdice
Hi Dee,
“My son attempted suicide once, was given a leaflet at emergency psychiatric assessment and left to own devices.”he said he would seek help if felling suicidal again” Yeah right! …and 3 days later attempted again”
That is the nightmare scenario that I think we should work hard to avoid. It seems like it’s worth at least a 72-hour hold to assess the patient and do our best to ensure this doesn’t happen.
I’m sorry your son wasn’t helped they way he should have been. At least people are talking about it, and maybe something positive can come from that sadness.
– Natasha Tracy
Hi Dan,
“The help me sign is a flashing neon sign.”
I would tend to agree. I feel similarly about self-harm.
“Being committed isn’t about labeling anyone as being mentally Ill, it’s about getting help when it’s needed.”
I would also agree with this. Diagnosis really isn’t relevant, getting help is. No matter what is going on for a person, it’s clear they cannot handle it alone.
“I cannot imagine not being committed after a suicide attempt. That’s just complete malpractice as far as I’m concerned.”
Well, I hate to be so judgmental of situations where I don’t know the details, and to every rule there is an exception, but yes, in general I feel this is poor care and risks lives.
– Natasha Tracy
If someone wants to stay in hospital, it’s okay. But using force isn’t, when there is no immediate danger any more.
I’m glad I was free to go home after a suicide attempt.
Hi Sigrun,
Fair enough. Without imminent threat and involuntary psych hold doesn’t seem reasonable. However, I think it is reasonable to strongly suggest the person be hospitalized.
– Natasha Tracy
I see that you believe that suicide is some kind of illness and that psychiatric hospitals help people. Well, not all of us agree on that. Suicide may result from trauma for example, like incest. Psychiatry retraumatizes many victims, by labelling them “mentally ill”. No one should tell other people what to do.
Hi Sigrun,
Suicide isn’t an illness, it’s a symptom. More than half of all suicides are (not surprisingly) in people with depression.
And yes, I think psychiatric hospitals/treatment have a better chance of helping the person than doing nothing. If doing nothing worked, the person wouldn’t have attempted suicide.
Yes, of course, trauma can cause many things, but generally that’s referred to as PTSD and is treatable.
– Natasha Tracy
People who have suffered repeated abuse for years as children often get other labels than PTSD. PTSD reflects consequences of single traumatic events in adulthood.
Of course I want people to receive help. But there should be alternatives to main stream psychiatric hospitals.
Hi Sigrun,
I can’t comment on what diagnoses people have gotten, but PTSD is diagnosed in people who have experienced more than a single stressor. The typical example is a vet. They may never have been fired at, or fired at anyone else, but the trauma of being in a war zone for a prolonged period of time can bring about PTSD. (I edited a book on the subject.)
What would you suggest outside of a hospital where a person can be safe and receive treatment?
– Natasha Tracy
this is common practice. I had a buddy(had being the operative word) who made three attempts in the course of a year, released within 12 hours two times. Third time he did not survive trip to hospital. The system sucks.
Hi Jake,
Well, it might be common, but I’m pretty sure it isn’t right.
– Natasha Tracy
So glad to read this, Natasha. I too have seen this happen. It angers me. Not to mention that it flabbergasts me that I, having never once attempted suicide, have been involuntarily hospitalized 3 times and yet people who have made serious attempts on their lives are just being sent home with a pat on the back and the crisis hotline number.
I love your advice: go back to the hospital. It is so damned difficult to advocate for yourself when you’re ill, but it must be done.
Excellent article. I’m sharing it everywhere.
Hi Holly,
It angers me too. I sort of try to pass this sort of thing by and just think, “OK, what do we do next?” rather than focusing on what has already gone wrong. But this ticks me right off. This practice can kill people. Why don’t doctors understand that people who attempt suicide aren’t _thinking_rationally_ – otherwise they wouldn’t be in the ER in the first place. They are practically wearing a “help me” sign and yet, no help.
Thanks for your support. Always appreciated.
– Natasha Tracy
The first two times I attempted suicide, I went from the ER to ICU to the psychiatric hospital. The third time I attempted suicide, in the same way- by an overdose, I was in the ER long enough to be stabilized and then I was let go. I don’t know what the reasoning was, really, it’s all pretty vague, as it was seven years ago and one of those things that are hard to remember. That time I was obviously taken less seriously, for whatever the reason. Maybe the ER staff was tired of seeing me? I’ll never really know. I do know how surreal it felt to walk out of the hospital without even being admitted.
Hi Kelly,
“Maybe the ER staff was tired of seeing me?”
I hate to say it, but I wonder if this isn’t sometimes the case. I wonder if doctors aren’t just jaded and tired of trying to help. You’d think that the person who had just attempted suicide would be the hopeless one, but I wonder if sometimes doctors aren’t acting hopeless.
– Natasha Tracy
I’m suicide prone it comes to my thought all the time i hate life I know I need help I’m always depressed and think about killing everyone that bothers me I hate my parents and I can honeslty say I don’t care about anything I know I need a mental hospital I need to get me fixed maybe I need medicine or something I don’t know
Hi Jesus V,
There is hope for you. No matter how much suicide fills your mind, there is hope that you can come back from that. I have done it. Many others have done it. Yes, maybe you need some time in a hospital or a medical or therapy, but there _is_ help and you _can_ get better.
I’ve put together some resources on where to find help here: https://natashatracy.com/get-mental-illness-help/
Good luck. I will be thinking of you. I have been where you are and I am still here. There is hope.
– Natasha