Real, Tough Men Cry Too

Today’s guest post is by Conor Bezane, an author with bipolar disorder. More about Conor at the bottom.

Do you think “real” men cry? What do you think “real” men are like? I’m a man and I say tough guys are sensitive and real guys cry too.

‘Real Man,’ ‘Tough Guy’ Messages

Be a tough guy. When you’re a kid, play with toy guns, Tonka trucks, and G.I. Joes. Have the know-how to be a Mr. Fix-it when you grow up. Get your hands dirty. Drink beer. Watch football. Play violent video games. If you have kids, be the disciplinarian. Take the driver’s seat when you cart your family around, and definitely don’t ask for directions no matter how lost you are. Play it cool. Hide your feelings.

And above all, never let anyone see you cry.

That’s the message we males get from our androcentric culture from the earliest stages of our lives. Those are the things “tough” guys do.

I’m here to tell you that being a real tough guy is totally different. By these definitions, I definitely don’t qualify as a “tough guy” in the traditional sense of the word.

In my opinion, tough guys do cry. Real men cry.

You Are a Real, Tough Man Even If You Cry in Depression

As I chronicled in my memoir The Bipolar Addict, the last time I had a major depressive episode was 12 years ago. Because of my bipolar disorder, I cried every day for a year, oftentimes for no reason at all. Sometimes I sobbed, and other times I cried hysterically.

Sticking it out and not attempting suicide despite the bipolar horror I experienced every day is about as tough as it gets.

‘Real Man’ Messages Are Changing

In the wake of #MeToo and the dislike of President Trump, the definition of masculinity is changing. Today, real men respect women. They go to the women’s march. They vote for female candidates. They don’t brag about grabbing women “by the pussy.”

Real, Tough Men Can Cry and Be Sensitive

We are real men and our numbers are growing. Real men aren’t afraid to cry or get emotional. They like what they want regardless of what they’re “supposed” to like. And more and more fathers are deciding to be stay-at-home dads.

“Tough guys” may balk at the idea of wearing a mask during this pandemic. But wearing a mask is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength.

I encourage you to liberate yourselves from all social constructs. Be tough. Really tough — in the newest sense of the word.