I wish people would take responsibility for their feelings and not blame me for them. Somehow, it’s my problem, as a writer, if my piece makes other people feel something that they don’t want to feel. Trigger warnings are supposed to mitigate this but you wouldn’t believe what I get crap for writing. In short, I wish people would learn to take responsibility for their feelings and not place the responsibility on me — a stranger.
Not Taking Responsibility for Feelings in Mental Illness
Recently a woman contacted me on Facebook and said she was triggered because of an article I had written on bipolar disorder and comorbid borderline personality disorder. (This is when a person with bipolar disorder also has borderline personality disorder.) She had bipolar disorder herself and was “alarmed” and “upset” about the article. She wanted to know the source of this information. I never mind people looking for this information. (For the record, though, sources are always linked to either in the article or at the bottom. Sources are medical in nature — I never pull anything out of my ass, in case you were wondering.)
I asked for a link to the article. This is because I have written more than 1000 articles, and I need a link to know exactly where the information that was upsetting her was.
She decided not to give it and instead said:
“This confusion between bp and borderline is bad for people. I have bp not borderline. . . The last thing I need is more speculation. I do not have a personality disorder and don’t want to be influenced by any article that I have. . . . such an article is damaging to my mental health.”
In a later message, she explicitly said my “frightening” article had “triggered” her.
Well, I found the article in question. It was from 2013. I had written that borderline personality disorder is comorbid to bipolar disorder in 40% of people with bipolar disorder. This statistic surprised me (which I said in the article) but it came directly from a study. It was thoughts to be accurate at the time.
In this case, the source link no longer went to anywhere useful (six years will do that) so I resourced the information. In a newer study, it said that 20% of people with bipolar disorder type II have comorbid borderline personality disorder while about 10% of people with bipolar type I do. (This seems more reasonable but still quite high. I have now updated the original article with that information and its source.)
Feelings in Mental Illness Stemming from My Bipolar Writings
All of this is barely relevant. What’s relevant is that some woman decided to take out her feelings on me. And this is not a rare thing. People do this a lot. People complain about what I write. People say I contribute to stigma just by writing about the truth. People say I trigger others by writing the way I do. People say I don’t use trigger warnings enough. People say I’m negative and don’t bring hope to others. Some people have said that I out and out lie about my own experiences.
Sigh.
That’s the life of a writer, I suppose. Some people are always going to be jackasses.
But here’s the thing:
- Complaining about what I write — This is your prerogative.
- On contributing to stigma — The truth may be uncomfortable but if we need to hide it to “fight stigma” then we’re not doing our job and we’re being dishonest.
- Triggering others — I can’t anticipate what will trigger every reader, it’s impossible. I don’t go out attempting to trigger anyone, but evoking an emotional reaction, in general, is the work of a writer.
- Trigger warnings — This blog is for adults. I trust that adults can take care of themselves. If my title has the word “suicide” in it and that’s a trigger for you, you might want to avoid it. It’s that simple. I promise not to have a title like “My Slippers Are Cozy” and then talk about suicide. (If I did, then yes, I would use a trigger warning.)
- Negativity — I’m not a negative person, I’m a realist. My reality often sucks. That’s just the truth.
- Hope — I’m sorry if you don’t find my work hopeful but what I know is that many people find my online writings hopeful and many people find my book very hopeful. Not everyone is the same, however.
- Lies? — Yeah, I won’t dignify that with an answer.
There are even more complaints that people have about my work, and that’s okay. People are allowed to discuss and people are allowed to complain. My issue is that people blame me for the feelings my writing evokes in them.
Please Take Responsibility for Your Feelings
On the other hand, yes, my work evokes feelings — I guess you can blame that on me if you want. But here’s the thing: you’re an adult; no one made you read it; you read it of your own volition — take responsibility for that. When I see a movie and it makes me cry, I don’t get mad at the actors and directors — even if something sad happened that I wasn’t anticipating.
And what we should surely understand is that those of us with mental illness are more prone to more feelings than the average person. We all need to take responsibility for our feelings, particularly in mental illness.
It is completely unreasonable to blame content producers for what goes on in your head. It’s your head. It didn’t reach in there and cause the pain. It is not up to me to save you from yourself (not that I could) and it is not up to me to fix the pain you may feel either.
So please, act like an adult. If you have a strong reaction to my work, use your coping skills and deal with it. Talk to a therapist. Talk to your doctor. Talk to a friend. But realize that your feelings are your problem, not mine.
Remember, thousands and thousands of people read these articles and I can’t possibly anticipate what each person is going to feel and I certainly can’t write with regards to that. You’re the only one who knows what is going on for you. Take responsibility and do what you need to do — for you.
[This, by the way, goes for reactions in general. You can blame others for “making” you react in a certain way but that is unfair and wrong. No one “makes” you react — you have control over that. Don’t give your control to words on a page or to the world around you. Claim your power, as any adult should, and take responsibility for yourself]
Image from Wikipedia.
I have found out so much about myself from your blogs and your book, thank you for putting yourself out there. I was also told by a new psychiatrist that it sounds more like B P D than Bi-Polar and having been diagnosed with Bi-Polar for the past 20 years, I was so upset, she saw my reaction on my face and said I am not saying it is so, as only meeting with you for 30 mins but maybe just take a look at the comparisons, I never was rude to her, but since seeing her and reading more on B P D I can see the similarities, and then you giving the percentages, makes me want to eat humble pie, also I have been talking to a close friend that I never knew had both, just something we never really went into details about. I am always up to learning new things about myself and yes I still react when I don’t like the answers but I have learnt over my many years it’s no ones fault, it just is what it is.
Thanks again
I agree with you wholeheartedly, Natasha. Adults have the ability to control and choose how they respond to situations they encounter rather than react with a knee-jerk reaction. This is a skill we should be teaching our children. It allows us to examine the situation and our feelings about it in a responsible and level-headed manner. I have bipolar II and It takes good coping skills, especially when deep seated emotions are stirred up. If I am overwhelmed or triggered by something then I know I need to discuss it with my husband (who was a counselor and is very level headed) or with my therapist (yes, I do have one) or my psychiatrist. They are the people who I look to to give me a well thought out reflection of myself and some good ideas for expanding my coping skills toolbox. If you or someone else says something that triggers or overwhelms me, Natasha (and you never have), it is my problem. It’s an indicator to me that something within me needs to be dealt with and I need to learn to cope with it. It is a tremendous opportunity to learn more about myself and become stronger. The things I learn, I can then use to help others. I co-lead a group on depression every winter for nine weeks. I have been able to share my experiences and see others learn to cope and realize they have great worth. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to get so much negative feedback but know this: The majority of your readers appreciate you, your honesty and the information you share. And if we disagree on an issue, that’s okay. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I like to hear both sides and learn how and why other people think the way they do. So, thank you, Natasha, for writing from your heart and sharing what you have learned. Be encouraged–you are doing good.
~ Negative responses to your articles is bullshit. If anyone doesn’t like your (great/interesting/beneficial) articles; stop reading them. Duh!
Thank you so much for all your writings. I thoroughly resonate to what you say and to blame you for any emotions stirred up in me is absurd. Like looking at a painting which makes you feel a certain way and to say the artist should take responsibility for this.
i love your book and your blog. keep writing. you inspire me. x
I love how you said that! We don’t blame artists or actors in a movie! Good thought!
Hi Natasha
I’ve been reading your articles every day for years. I love them. I want you to know that this bipolar women appreciates your voice. You’ve helped me A LOT. Hang tough girl, haters gonna hate.
Love
Melissa
I’ve been reading for six years. Before I started reading your blog I thought bipolar illness was a burden and traumatic and something I had very little control over.
I couldn’t see the triggers or differentiate between a bipolar episode mood or a normal feeling.
Imagine my surprise and freedom to learn I had a lot to do with how long my moods lasted, how to fend off an episode, take care of myself so that I could hear my body during an episode, also pack my tool box with all the relevant tools and get rid of the old things that weren’t tools anymore!
You’ve been a treasure for me. What I like about your articles is exactly what this person was complaining about: your honesty. I don’t want to live with rose colored glasses on or hey, how about living with negativity and not seeing it for what it is?!
Keep it up please, you’ve changed my life. I have been episode free for three years! I never thought it was possible. But with the right support, using the right tools, staying on the right medication and yes, reading your articles and putting them to practice has cleared my foggy vision!
I now SEE bipolar symptoms and deal with them as best I can no matter how devastating your article may feel at the time.
It’s all good my dear blogger friend; I appreciate you!
With so much gratitude you have no idea how much you help! I should have told you this years ago.
Beth
Good one!
I have a situation where my current girlfriend, it feels like, has no empathy towards me.
Can I pass a situation by you?
I met this girl on Tinder, we hooked up day one. It was nice. We continued to do it. Eventually we started doing more than just hooking up. We’d go on dates, go out to eat, met each other’s friends, day hikes, hammocking, etc. Then one day she writes me what is pretty close to a love letter. She tells me no one has ever made her feel this way before, or treated her this well or taken her to do such fun outdoor things. It meant a lot to me.
After reading the letter I told her that I felt the same way, and that I’m not dating anyone else. She took a moment and then said “I’m not dating anyone else either.”
The following weekend, I go to make Saturday plans with her and she says that Jason is coming into town, and they had already made a pre-arranged date to meet up in a hotel room… She looks at me when she says it, and explains softly that it was already planned. She tells me there’s no emotional connection with him, just physical. But the way I see it is she told me she’s not dating anyone, and yet she’s set up a DATE with Jason.
So she does her fucking or whatever, and then I see her on Monday. I am hurt and feel betrayed, but I kinda don’t know what’s going on. So then I ask her if we are official. She says that yes she wants to be official. But when I bring up what she did with Jason she completely disregards my emotions and says that what she did was not wrong because we were not in an official relationship. This is true… factual. But she still refuses to acknowledge that I have emotions, and in fact calls me a jealous and possessive asshole.
Am I in the wrong here? Am I in a good or bad relationship? What the fuck do I do?
I hear you! If I snap at a clerk in a coffee shop because I feel I’ve waited too long, ( sadly this did happen years ago) I went right back in the next day and told her it wasn’t her fault, I reacted just because I was impatient. I had no reason to do that, I took full responsibility and I’m sorry.
If I snap at my husband because I’m irritable, or do something that I didn’t realize hurt him, I go to him no matter the time or place and let him know how sorry I was.
I’d like to caution you here. Be very careful with your heart. Right now she doesn’t think she did anything wrong and upon hearing you were hurt, didn’t take responsibility.
I may be misinterpreting your story but if I’m not…this love she says she has for you would dictate that she cancel the visit with Jason. At the very least she could have changed the plans to meet him in the lobby and tell him about you and apologize that she has to cancel and possibly hurt him. But you come first. Having the date set up before you were a couple means nothing when it comes to your relationship!!
Stand up for yourself and be careful about reaffirming your love. She cheated on you. Plain and simple.
Try to remember this; “true love isn’t a hard job”. Yes sometimes you have issues to clear up with the one you love. But true love is free, is giving not 50/50 but 100/100. Do not sell yourself cheaply. What she did was a huge identifier for you to know what kind of person she is.
I hope this helps you! Good luck.
Well said, Natasha. I for one very much appreciate the truth you write. (And I don’t have a bias against people with borderline either!)
The theme of taking responsibility has always fascinated me. I have done some bad things during bipolar episodes. But I strongly believe that I am responsible not just for my feelings, but the actions I take during my episodes. If something gets broken I try to fix it. If someone is harmed I do my darnedest to make it up to them. After all, who else is to blame? A writer? My condition? No, it’s me. I never asked for bipolar, but I’ve got it. So I deal with it.
Hi Paul,
Thank you. I’m completely on your side about responsibility. There are times when we do things with very little control because of an illness but it’s still up to us to fix the damage. Who else will?
– Natasha Tracy
Thank you! So well said. I’m with you there also. People that don’t take responsibility are destined for lonely lives. We have the illness, we screw up, we patch it up or we will be lonely.
People that won’t take responsibility give us bipolar survivors a bad rep.