I hate it when people say you need bad times to appreciate the good times. You need darkness to appreciate the light. You need the pain to appreciate the pleasure. This is such nonsense. I have had more bad, dark and painful times than anyone I know and believe me, I don’t feel the need for them — not now and not in the future. I appreciate good things. I am grateful for the light. I yearn for pleasure. But all the bad times didn’t make me appreciate the good times, I’m quite capable of doing that on my own.
Bad Times with COVID-19 to Appreciate the Good Times?
I might suggest we’re all living through a bad time right now. The novel coronavirus (COVID-19) is causing anxiety, isolation and, quite frankly, bad, painful, dark times for many. I’m one of them. I mean, my times weren’t really unicorns and rainbows before all this but being socially isolated and scared to leave my apartment definitely doesn’t help things.
But are the bad times going to make us appreciate the good?
Well, maybe.
Appreciating the Good Times After the Bad Times of the Coronavirus
I see a lot of people on social media saying that they’ll never take for granted again simple interactions with people now that they’ve experienced what it’s like to have had them taken away. That’s good. We should all appreciate the interactions with have with our loved ones. So in the case of these people, these bad times might make them appreciate the good times.
But are the bad times really necessary for that? And if they’re necessary for the above people, are they necessary for everyone?
I would argue, no, it’s not necessary to be put in social isolation to appreciate brunch with friends. I loved that every time I brunched before this. Maybe this makes me unique, I don’t know, but I don’t think you need bad times to appreciate the good times.
What Does It Take to Appreciate the Good Times?
Honestly, I think it takes insight to appreciate the good times. Bad times might lend itself to the finding of insight, but it’s insight itself that you need, not the “bad time” per se.
So if you’re in a good time right now (or, more likely, when the good times return), hopefully, you can retain the insight you found during the bad times. If not, then I guess bad times really are necessary for you to appreciate the good times.
Why Do People Say You Need Bad Times to Appreciate the Good Times?
What it really comes down to for me, is that even if this is true for a segment of people, it’s a trite platitude to offer during a difficult time. What, you need your mother to die to appreciate your father? You need to lose an arm to appreciate your legs? You need to lose our sight to appreciate your hearing? Are we really signing up for that ridiculous logic?
What people who are saying this are trying to do is put a shiny, happy spin on something really crappy. I hate it when people try to do this; it’s just another example of toxic positivity. If something is really crappy, it’s okay to say it’s really crappy! It’s not a positive coping skill to just sweep it under the rug and color over it with a rainbow. Life is not a rainbow. Life is lightness and darkness and rainstorms and lightning and drizzle and everything else. And it’s okay to say it. It’s okay to say everything is hard and painful and awful right now. Really. You’re not doing yourself any favors by denying it and no one is doing anyone any favors by insisting that others live in their denial either.
When we get out of all this crap, I really hope we experience some glorious, sunny days, and I really hope we greatly appreciate them. Until then, though, I refuse to feel bad because I feel bad. If trite platitudes help you, I’m not going to stop you from using them as a mantra, but I would request that you stop heaving them on the rest of us. We’re doing the best we can — just like you — it just so happens that we deal with reality in a different way.
We’re all different I guess. What works for one may not work for another. Sometimes I think attitude can make a big difference, how you choose to look at things, especially the difficult stuff of life. CBT is a bit like that too. Personally my cell phone is full of bucket loads of positive images and wise sayings I’ve pulled from the internet (1000’s of them in fact) to inspire and lift me up. For me it’s a lot healthier than all that negative shit I used to feed off of and dwell on every day. All that did was cause me to spiral even further down my big black hole and SEAL THE LID with crazy glue! Garbage in = garbage out I say. Music is another thing I find can definitely affect my emotions and frame of mine, probably more than anything. I recently came across the song “Rise Up” on the internet by Andra Day https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kNKu1uNBVkU It’s also sung by the beautiful Phillipino singer Morissette Amon
who has an absolutely amazing voice and vocal range much like Maria Carey or Whitney Houston.
Viva la difference!
There is a natural human tendency to rescue something from a bad experience by reframing it in different terms or reinterpreting it. I say this as someone with 46 years of bipolar. There is no”glory” about it as Sean says. You do not need to have been hated or to hate in order to love. You do not need to have been sad to be happy. Experience of the opposite isn’t necessary.
Our experience is what it is : to reconstrue it after the fact is to engage in a bit of self-deception.
I’m with you on this one! Things can suck just because they suck, no silver lining required! (And history says everyone will be taking things for granted again roughly five minutes after this is over). Good for the people finding positives in this, and good for everyone doing what’s right for them. Keep hanging in there (your way)..
I firmly disagree with this. As a person who has lived with this condition for 43yrs, i can distinctly say that without knowing one and all of its ‘glory’, u will not be able to know the opposing one in all its ‘glory’. You cannot pretend to love if you have not experienced the hate, and vice versa. You wouldnt know the word happy, without the word sad. This is a given in life, the ying and yang, the balance factor we all live. To deny one is to also deny the other. Embrace what is given to you, be it love or hate. Learn to appreciate that with one, comes the other.