Garden variety bipolar disorder consists of moods that typically last weeks to months if not treated. People with bipolar experience a mood and settle in for a long ride. However, people with rapid cycling bipolar disorder experience moods that typically only last weeks. People with ultra-rapid cycling bipolar disorder have moods that only last days to weeks and people who have ultradian bipolar disorder may have moods that last from hours to days.
[It worth noting that when severe moods last only for a few hours this may be considered a mixed mood episode rather than a cycler, per se.]
So, if your mood cycles quickly and spontaneously, how do you live with it?
I Have Ultra-Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder
I, personally, have ultra-rapid cycling bipolar disorder. At least, in some respects. My depressions tend to last forever by my hypomanias last for only hours or days. And within that my mood symptoms also cycle. For example, during a depression I may experience very strong, unquenchable anxiety for a week and then it will mysteriously disappear. This isn’t a formal bipolar cycle, per se, but it sure feels the same as a mood cycle to me.
The Unknowns of Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder
I think one of the things that people with bipolar have trouble with, especially those with rapid cycling variants, is that one never knows what is coming next. How will you feel this afternoon? Well, if you’re really a serious rapid cycler, then you probably don’t know. If your moods are primarily spontaneous, then you know even less. These unknowns are hard to deal with. Humans like things they can predict so they know what to expect. It’s just normal, rational, human psychology.
Treating Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder
It is critical when treating rapid cycling bipolar disorder to first treat the cycling before the mood. In other words, focus on stopping the cycling and then deal with whatever mood symtpoms still remain. In my case, this has mostly worked. I rarely cycle into hypomania now and when I do I know how to stop it before it gets unmanageable.
This means: no antidepressants for people who rapid cycle. Really. It’s not me saying that, it’s the International Society of Bipolar Disorder. In the recommendations for bipolar treatment with antidepressants they set out last year they were very clear that in people who rapid cycle and in people who were experiencing a mixed mood episode antidepressants should not be prescribed.
Mood stabilizers need to be given to people with rapid cycling bipolar disorder to stop the cycling. This may mean an antipsychotic and a mood stabilizer is needed. It varies depending on the person. And then to manage lingering symtpoms (like depression) agents that are not formal antidepressants are preferred.
How I Live with Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder
You can live with rapid cycling variants of bipolar disorder. Really. Each person is going to have their own challenges with this but one thing that plays to the advantage to someone who rapid cycles is this: the mood won’t last forever. Unlike some people who get depressed and stay that way, people who rapid cycle may cycle out of that depression quickly. This can be a source of hope when a mood feels too extreme.
Of course, always going up, down and sideways is incredibly exhausting. When I tried the EMPower Plus stuff I found that I was constantly cycling and it was brutal. For that, PRN (pro re nata (latin), meaning as needed) medication can be helpful. Some people take an antipsychotic only when they feel a hypomania coming on, for example, and then they may only need to take it for a few days to level out. People also commonly have benzodiazapines (anxiety medication) or nonbenzodiazapines (sleep medication) prescribed PRN. These can be hugely helpful when a mood suddenly appears.
Handling Rapid Cycling Moods at the Onset
For me, when I become hypomanic, I tend to do so at night. The feeling builds throughout the day until at night, I experience full, hypomanic symptoms. This is easily handled for me. While the hypomania wants to make me stay up all night, I fight that urge and take some extra sleep medication that sends me off to the land of nod. After a good night’s rest, I find the hypomania has been quelled. If, on the other hand, I hadn’t had that rest, the hypomania would have remained and likely gotten worse.
The secret to dealing with a mood swing is nipping it in the bud. The reason the above works is because I handle the mood right at the beginning of the hypomania and not after days. A similar technique can work with depression. When you feel the symptoms of depression becoming apparent, stop what you’re doing and rest for three days. That rest may be what your body needs to fight that depression.
And, of course, when you feel an extreme mood swing coming on and a quick fix doesn’t do it, call your doctor. It’s critical that he or she knows what you’re experiencing early because that is the best time to treat it.
Does Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder Get Better?
As I said, I don’t cycle so much anymore. I have daily bipolar mood cycles, which are a bit different and I do cycle occasionally but, in general, the medication keeps me pretty stable so I can say that yes, rapid cycling of moods does get better.
Additionally, as you learn about your disorder and develop better coping techniques (such as through cognitive behavioral therapy) you learn to deal with the moods and recognize them more effectively. For example, the evidence of an early hypomania or depressive episode might be hard to spot for some, but I have so much practice that it’s obvious to me. And it can be obvious to you, too, but it takes time and work.
So don’t lose hope. It may feel like hell today – I get it and that’s real – but that doesn’t mean that it will feel like that forever.
More Information on Rapid Cycling Bipolar Moods
If you’re looking for more information on rapid cycling bipolar moods, check out my masterclass on rapid cycling. It’s available live online and on-demand.
Just saw this on your Twitter feed. Lightbulb moment for yours truly. Thanks for re-share. GOT IT NOW! This is a great blog post BTW.
“So don’t lose hope. It may feel like hell today – I get it and that’s real – but that doesn’t mean that it will feel like that forever.” Agree! If you can’t hit a homer all the time, learn to slide.
I have been living with ultra-rapid cycling bipolar disorder for 23 years. I was 14 when I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and severe depression. It took my doctor at that time almost a year to diagnose me with the right bipolar disorder. I have been admitted many times for my mental disorders. After becoming pregnant with my first child and not being able to take any medications during that period I spent 1 hour a day 3 times a week talking to my psychiatrist. I also did that with my two other pregnancies. Every two years my medication is changed due to it not working. I am a single mom with three children and when I’m not having any episodes I am fine. Even though I take medicine for my disorders I still have 4 or more episodes a year. Eight years ago when I started having episodes 2 or 3 times a month and I was still on medication at that time my kids were removed from my custody. After losing my children I felt hopeless but since at that time my family and friends were very supportive I got my kids back in 3 days. The reason why they gave me my kids back was I had to file for disability that I was told by the State of Tennessee, that I qualified for and was entitled to. For five years DHS was watching me and I was also fighting all the appeals to be only be denied at the last appeal from a judge who believes once you do drugs you will always return to them. DHS finally stopped watching me when they denied me benefits at the last hearing in 2011. After finally getting my life back 3 months later on January 29, 2012 my house caught fire I was able to save my kids and dogs but my cats were lost even though I went back in the house twice. After being screwed over by State Farm homeowner’s insurance in October 2012 I moved my family into my dads who started to have health problems in May 2012. Due to all the bad stuff that was happening I was started to having episodes 3 to 5 times a month again, so my medication was doubled. Finally, after a 6 months my episodes decreased back to one a month. Right after that not even a month later I kicked my husband out of my dad’s house. The reason for that is I’ll just say no matter how drunk you are you should be able to tell the difference between someone that is 36 years or 6 years old. After that I honestly thought that I would have been admitted this time to the mental institution, but my episodes for someone reason didn’t increase. I think the reason for that was b/c of my children really needed me since they can’t see their dad. I was a stay at home mom and because I hadn’t worked in 10 years, my oldest was born profoundly death in both ears finding a sitter who knows sign language is really expensive, I went back to college. Since I was back in college my episodes started happening 2 or 3 times a month, doctor said it was the stress. Since then I have been able to keep my episodes down to 1 or two every 6 weeks or so. Finally, after having everything back too normal or so I thought I was in a major car accident. I was rear-ended by my ex-boyfriend’s mom doing about 70. Due to her speed when I was hit my SUV flipped up in the air on its nose and then started to spin and roll. This went own it seemed like forever until I landed upside down in my car. Since I was able to think fast enough by pushing my hands on the inside roof, pushing my feet down and covering my face I didn’t move but my head did. After appearing to be okay 7 hours later I was in a lot of pain. The left side of my head was swollen, my left ankle was swollen and my right hand started tingling, burning, then would go numb. So I went to the ER where they did nothing. Finally, after two days my doctor’s office told me to come in immediately so I did. I found out that my ankle was cracked, my head had a lot of bruising and about an 1/2 inch cut that wasn’t very deep but has caused short term memory loss (that was from my head hitting the driver side window and breaking the glass that is what 3 witnesses said), and my right hand has severe carpel tunnel they said which wasn’t there before the accident. Once again I am having more episodes again but I have been able to control them better now. I am doing group sessions and one on one twice a week. I am writing this because on Friday in my group session a girl stated that if all this had happened to her she would had killed herself. She asked me why I wasn’t suicidal? I told her if I didn’t have kids then yes I probably would’ve been suicidal, but ever since I had my first child when something went bad for me for the first time ever I never thought about killing myself. So I answered her by telling her it was b/c my three children that I wasn’t suicidal, at least that is what I strongly believe. I have gone through hell these last 4 years and as someone that has the worst bipolar stage you can have I want to say to others don’t give up. Finally, after all the bad that has happened to me something good has happened my uncle has given me his house and 10 acres of land in town that doesn’t even have 300 people in it. I will also be 30 minutes away from my mother and can get out of my dad’s house since my father is now an alcoholic who is verbally abusive and finally was physically abusive towards me and I recently caught my stepmother smoking CRACK. I had my stepmother removed from the house and my dad who is going through DT’s again is in the hospital. I am not going to let my kids go through another alcoholic so we are going to move to the country. When I am stable not having episodes I am smart and can learn something new in less than 2 days normally but b/c of my car accident it takes me longer now. Just remember these words NEVER GIVE UP b/c there is always someone who has gone through worse.
Virginia – I too have fast rapid cycling bipolar disorder. But when mania takes hold of me, I tend to sing now a days. Thankfully at age 60, I still have a decent voice :) when I’m done, I’m tired, fatigued, and don’t want to do anything. That’s how it’s been on medication. “Are you depressed?”, they ask. I always say I feel flat. I’m sure you all know what I mean. I keep telling them I want to be a plus one on the mania scale. To me that’s happy and so much better than being emotionally flat.
I had my first manic episode when I was in high school at age 15. It only lasted an hour or so but I always remembered the feeling of euphoria, of silliness. I was with friends at the time and yep, they thought me very silly. Next one happened at age 20. That one lasted about six hours. Euphoria, invincible, I was on top of the world with a group of friends I loved. I did some crazy fun things that night, but my friends forgave me the next day. And the thing was that some were psyc majors and not one picked up that I had a manic episode. Especially since it was so out of character of me.
Over the years, I had some small episodes, ones that lasted a few hours and for me easily controllable. But when my Doctors diagnosed me with Depression. in 2001, they placed me on Anti-depressents. You know what they do to you. I began having some short bursts of mania at work. I didn`t realize yet what they were., neither did anyone else. sometimes they]d last for hours. I`d meet men for sex – always fun when one partner was quite enthusiatic (and yes, with my husband`s consent of course}, I`d go on shopping sprees – the usual effects of a manic episode. But again, they only lasted a few hours, fortunately, I had no regret about anything I did under the influence.
Finally a new Doctor, and a new diagnosis of Type II Bipolar. We went through the regular sequence of pharmaceuticals to end up with Lamictal and Viibryd. Before that, my manic epiisodes would hit anytiime for a. couple of hours. And this time with feeling happy, I`d be singing away. They hit when i`d be driving the car, and i`d be belting out Leaving on a Jet Plane. They hit when I]m out shopping, and I`d be softly singing Up on the Roof while riding the UP Escalator. Anything could trigger it – and believe me I tried to figure out its triggers.
But once on L and V, they`ve been keeping me, and my mood stable and Flat. But I don`t really want to be empty of emotion, I don]t want to be Flat. I don`t want to be fatiqued all day. I want to have fun – I deserve it, don`t?
I think I`m going to ask my Psychiatrist to change my dosage level. I want to be a +1 or +2 mania. I want to have fun, and for others, to be fun to be with – don`t you all agree?
My bipolar ( type 2 ) is ultradian. I feel a sense of dread and depression when I first wake up in the morning. During breakfast I’m reading and then journaling, as my mood is improving. When the breakfast time is over I start moving into a low mood rather than a full out depression. Early afternoon the low mood persists. Mid afternoon I start to come up. Late afternoon I’m up higher. By evening I’m energized and happy, Happy for the first time all day and it feels great. The reason I stay up until 2am or 3am is because this is when I feel great and do not want to waste feeling great by sleeping through it. When I wake up in the morning the whole ultradian cycling begins again. I do not have an increasing hypomania as a result, just the same old routine going over and over again like a hamster on a wheel.
I have rapid cycling bi-polar. I really appreciate what Natasha Tracy says here about being able to use meds on an as needed basis. Depakote completely lowers my inhibition, it was scary the activities I was able to justify while using Depakote. Lithium removes my heart from my decision making, which is very dangerous for me and those around me. My sense of morally right and wrong is already compromised but the heart acts as a good governor. Lithium removes the heart (for me at least) – When i was on lithium I found that I only ever felt angry or paranoid, never actually good.. I can completely appreciate the value of being stabilized, but i think once it’s accomplished we shouldn’t be advised to stay on the meds. I wish the docs could see that.
I found a lot of relief with medical cannabis, specifically high CBD strains. It’s not perfect, today was a pretty bad day (I completely destroyed not one, but 2 cell phones and now i have no cell phone) but I’ve found since using cannabis that my moods don’t cycle as frequently now. The only problem is being high interferes with work almost as much as being completely discombobulated with mixed episode rage and racing thoughts.
Another thing I’ve found that helps is trying to shift focus from myself to others. When I put myself under a microscope and only think about myself and my problems, my mood tends to spiral. Sometimes if I’m feeling poorly I’ll go out and do something kind for another person – once I get my mind off of myself things tend to calm down. It takes a little practice but it’s doable.
Thanks for sharing everyone. Be well. They need people like us in the world. If your bp doesn’t include the ADD that mine does and you can read a book, check out The Unquiet Mind. This doesn’t have to be a terrible affliction – I don’t know about you, but when I’m manic I can accomplish just about anything.
Last thing – I’ve also surrounded myself with a team. they’re all aware of my issues and they know they have to pick up the slack some times. But they fell it’s worth it because when i’m on, I’m on.
peace to all of you
Thank you all for sharing your story it helps a lot!!!
I must totally agree with Natasha Tracy as I have suffered from ultra rapid cycling for my early 20’s..This condition manifests in different ways as I norm or elevated mood is not above a happy go lucky soul..There are some minute factors insomnia high energy collecting which are normal but the drops are severe and quick ..last for a day sometimes 2 then subsided and I am back to myself..Lets think of this form as a bad cold in that if you mess around with it ..it lingers or a headache..Learned from a Great Professor of Medicine a close friend that recognizing the symptoms and hitting them hard will put it in remission before it takes hold.made total sense..I find that Vistaril and Cannabis (Sativa) ease the depressive component..also as needed in the am only a small dose of dextroamphetamine works for me and I only use as needed..That’s where the Medical Community and in this case Psychiatrist does not think outside the box..This Ultra Rapid Cycling must be hit hard as if you can change the cycle and one can with hard work they can live a better quality of life.. O I forgot to mention Thyroid Meds such as Armor have also been helpful in remission..The key is more is not better its a fine line and one must experiment but this I can say after 35 years of dealing with different Variations of this illness hitting it on the onset and changing the pattern is of the utmost priority..if you wish to communicate I would embrace it.. I want to help all that suffer form of this illness..Yes it affects ones emotions but just like a diabetic there are major hormonal triggers..((dkreal))) (at)) (aol))) (dot)) (com)) until.D a v i d
I have this as well. It is so tiring. I gain friends then lose them. And there is no one to blame. It’s not their fault my mood swings all the time. Nor is it mine. No meds have ever worked for me in the long term and I’ve tried a lot of them. Most of all life feels hopeless. The hypo mania phases are the worst since you know it’s all a lie and the depression and anxiety are just around the corner. I’ve tried everything I can think of. During the depressive phases I can barely talk, I stutter and grasp for words. I sound like I’m angry too which doesn’t help. I wish there was hope but I see none.
hello dear … I might also have these symptoms of rapid cycling. One thing I do is observe myself. And yet I know the feeling of having nothing to hold on to, because what I thought was right for me will change the next minute and so I get so confused. And all these things sometimes seem right – simultaneously. But yet I still continue to observe myself, because maybe what we have is a gift of awareness – that we see things others can´t. (Although others might as well experience them but not so tense or not be aware of it, as if it would exist in them on a much deeper harder accessable level.) The Best medicine for me is to find a way to accept and observe myself. Did you find some new hint since posting? kind regards and acceptance, samantha
I NEED A MIRACLE BEFORE I END IT! I’VE TRIED EVERYTHING INCLUDING MY OWN PUBLIC HUMILIATION AND EMBARRASSMENT! SADLY THEY ALL SAID TO “DO IT ALREADY”! ITS LIKELY GONNA CAUSE MY FAMILY FINANCIAL HARDSHIP, AND I CAN’T DO THAT.
I FEEL LIKE SUICIDE COULD BE A GOOD THING FOR MY FAMILY. (“THEY CAN’T AFFORD TO SUPPORT A 30-YEAR OLD “ATTENTION SEEKER” ANYMORE).
I’M SO DEPRESSED AND SO TIRED OF LOOKING ONLINE FOR WELL-QUALIFIED (FREE REHAB OR PSYCHIATRY)…
I’M AT MY BREAKING POINT WITH IT ALL!
DISABILITY DENIED ME!
I won’t get help on my own…
My family pretty much laughs and teases that “I’m crazy” (as they say).
I’m tired of feeling like this, I want a job and a life, but these feelings aren’t allowing it.
It feels… Like a mental meltdown… Is imminent…
I’m scared of myself.
I CANNOT AFFORD ANYTHING, I’M HOMELESS!
PLEASE DON’T CUT ME DOWN IF YOU RESPOND…
I NEED HELP!
Cjh, I hope you’re there. You’re not crazy.
I don’t suffer from BP, but I was looking up symptoms because I’m 99% sure my boss does. See? She runs a department at a university. My stepdad owns an extremely successful company while suffering from BP and BPD. It’s possible, I’ve seen it done.
A hospital cannot deny you for not having insurance. You can call the suicide hotline and they may be able to recommend somewhere or someone.
But by the numerous boards I have come across while searching… I can promise you, you are not alone.
Hope to hear how you’re feeling….
hi i am diagnosed as bp1 and i ultra rapid cycle. i too lost all hope for a better life. i lost my desire to live a life of guarenteed suffering in many forms. i too lost all of my friends i realised that the sad truth is many people see us thru so much deep prejudice that they refuse to look behond our behaviour and see us as human beings intact and and have the same basic wants and needs a the do. as for suicide that only transfers suffering to those who do actually love u. i know i get laughed at, mocked, ridiculed and blamed for what i am powerless over. i also have comorbidities that intensify my symptoms. i feel i have little or no conscious ability to control my behavior now but my faith in God has shown me that this is just a lesson i need to learn and overcome i believe god has a specific purpose for everyone and everything. people like us have to find our own way meds dont work and people dont want to give us the tim of day. ok i have no clue if u wiil see this or whatever if i can help in any way i want to please respond
CJH , hope you are still there.
I want you to know that you are not alone in this fight. So don’t scare. I know . Sometimes it is like a horror film. People or families can not see that horror but only the person who suffers.
It is like being a bird in the cage. You see the freedom from inside of this cage but you cant fly. Because you are simply jailed by this illness. You probably see other people with job, relationships , etc. and you want to be like them. You want to have all those normal things in life but you cant. – This feeling that a person understands and sees the freedom but cant do anything is really painful.
I guarantee you that this illness is manageable. Just needs to be properly diagnosed and the proper medication should be taken ( life long ).
From my personal experience the most important action in this fight is recognizing the hypo-manic phase ( which is the most difficult to recognize ) – Sometimes you are even hypo-manic but you don’t feel it at all. Sometimes hypo-manic could be even unpleasant. – Many people don’t recognize when they are hypo-manic. So the first step is to ANALYZE YOUR OWN Symptoms of hypo-manic. – If you manage to control those the rest would be easier to manage.
– Just a tip from my own experience : Antipsychotic medications could manage such moments of desperate feelings. You got tired of illness? you think you are worthless? you think nobody can help you? – you think about suicide? — It is time for Antipsychotic … Ask a professional for help. Antipsychotic have many bad side effects but are doing wonder for such desperate situation i mentioned above. Paralleled Mood stabilizers should be used ( but these may need more time )
Managing the hypomanic phase is like having access to the key of this cage.
Talk with a doctor who knows about this special form of illness.
PS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHGTuqiaAYw
hello CJH :)
are you still there? ok, great – step one you still survived. ok it goes on. but I know from experience – of course it normally changes again – and that is tiring. Well – I´d be happy to have someone to talk to, since I also experience similar symptoms. And I might have some tools for you I use. hoping to hear from you.
kind regards, samantha :)
Hi
Im RAPID CYCLING BIPOLAR
PLEASE NEVER NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!
I know it’s HELL, PAINFUL ALINEATING …..
I’ve had this AS IVE FELT SINCE CHILDHOOD BUT DIAGNOSED ONLY IN MY 50s YRS TOO LATE?
NO NEVER TOO LATE!!
I’ve been on hospital 12 X you know why I’m not going to the dark b/c I want you to stay with me in the light.
No I’m not a religious freak I’m a vegatarian but that’s not what I’m going to mention to you.
I’ve been away due to not bipolar issues but medical ( gallbladder ,etc)
Look,there’s a WONDERFUL MED PARTICULARLY FOR RCBP SUFFERS LIKE US
NAME IS LATUDA…..I’m on it,girl it LITERALLY changed my LIFE….I’m not dramatizing…I’m no spokesperson.
I’m a rapid CYCLER as yourself sick of being so sick one day my psych asked this,HOW MUCH HAS MY ILLNESS EFFECTED MY LIFE? Oh shit….my eyes watered I almost felt like yelling but said…..ITS CONTROLLED EVERY SINGLE ASPECT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!
Then the brillant Dr he is wrote this script….me,asking million ??? Plus having gone off meds 2 X in the past…
But at 55 now knew shape up its time to SHUT THE F UP & FOLLOW THE TREATMENT PLAN AS I FOLLOW MY VEGANISM …….I know what may be a wonder drug for 1- may not for another but…EVERYONES NOTICED THE NEW & VASTLY IMPROVED SANDRA….LESS MOOD SWINGS even able to listen to love songs without 1- HR of tears……please! Without your HEALTH you have NOTHING. I hope this reaches you & my words are taken to heart.
well this sure sounds familiar. no wonder none of my neurotypical family members will believe i’m bipolar. i must cycle too rapidly for them to understand.
Usually i have very long periods of depression, followed by a day or a few hours of mania. now, however, i’m just Up-Down-Up-Down CONSTANTLY. Manic for a few hours, then depressed for a few hours to a week, then manic again, then depressed again. UGH.
Bipolar is hard :\
You describe exactly how I feel as well. I wish there was an easier way to explain to those I love that they shouldn’t hide from me or be mad at me, but they should hug me and tell me they are there for me. I swear I would immediately stop that manic episode and weep with joy.
I just want someone to care enough and look past my Bipolar qwerks that push everyone away!
I also think I may have this. For the past few years I considered that I possibly have some disorder. However, I started losing consideration of bipolar disorder because every time I did research I would always see that cycles might only happen as much as 4 times/year and that did not and does not match what I am experiencing. I feel like I’m “hanging in there,” but I think that sooner or later I might have a more serious problem. Currently I think I manage by staying fit/exercising, eating well, and having hope for the future (accepted to a master’s program and waiting to start this fall). However, even the walks I enjoy so much have been difficult for me to do; and I would mostly go alone and now I feel discouraged to go unless I have someone to go with. I have had a tough year being off of school for the first time in my life. At first I tried at a couple places to get a job, but I felt insecure about trying at more places… feeling like the sociability or the environment would be tough on me? Anyway, now I feel that I am at the worst point in all these past few years and that the small things that keep me positive or make me feel better temporarily aren’t being as effective, and eventually things are going to get a lot worse. When I feel better it is awesome, but in the back of my mind I feel that I’m living on the edge and can be at the brink of crying or “acting out” with a very minor experience that will just trigger it.
PossibleBPperson..
Not meant to scare you but I can cycle 2 or 3 times a day. It didnt start out that way.. Just a long series of episodes and traumas led up to it.Too much stress.. Look up ultradian cycling.. Now Anything can trigger it and I can go from one minute being fairly happy to the next minute in the fetal position crying. My wife has seen it in my face going from 1 cycle to the next over the course of a minute or so. I would suggest you write it down when you feel a change and you may see a trend.. I wish you peace.
Michael that describes the ultra rapid cycling to a tee..please read my blog above when they release it..the variations are quick but much more sever on the down side.. I have listed some methods to help with this pattern and also contact information..I truly believe this should be considered a condition in its own classification ..it does not mimic traditional bi polar 1 2 3 or in the future 5 or 6 the bottom line is one wants to feel better and its not caused because the sun did not shine or there’s rain ..its bio chemical in nature just like being a diabetic ..just like PMS (hormonal) it mimics the severity of emotions..There’s a definite link to hereditary factors..until.D a v i d
Beginning to think I may have this, Natasha. For the last 3 months, I have been mood monitoring with emoods. Its helping me to understand myself better. Time for a med change, I think. It’s been really rough lately :(
Do the physical symptoms ever feel like something buzzing in your blood or body….worsened by vibration? Edgy or jumpiness…physical pains in the body along with sudden fatigue after waking up super inspired…this is after a few days of waking up terrified….not wanting to go out…staying in bed….any of the physical descriptions…like suddenly feeling disoriented or Luke being put on an elevator with no elevator around?
Olivia
I have felt this way everyday for years. Its getting unbearable and so tiring.
What you describe is the best articulation of how I have previously felt when experiencing a dysphoric mania/mixed episode. The buzzing feeling and sound in my head, and like shaken soda bottle fizzing throughout my body …. it is the very worst of all BP states, I think – it least it has been for me.
I’m a rapid cycler…I have no control. I’m learning this. I’ve lived with bipolar for what seems like longer than I’ve been alive if that makes any sense to anyone. I’m fine one minute and out of control sad another. I have to be “babysat ” often. I have had a psychiatrist now that I like so far for about a year and a half. I’m not so sure of my meds and wonder if I should take an anti psychotic along with my mood stabilizers. I don’t sleep well. I have found myself self medicating some lately. I know this is wrong. I have a rough time trying to express this to my doc. I become delusional and I hear who I call Phyllis telling me I’m not good telling me how weak I am and I should just let her take over. Well I do believe Phyllis is dangerous although she claims to protect me. One minute I’m good the next minute I’m feeling like a pancake needing a flip but I’m left stuck to the griddle. I do believe others are triggers, situations at work are triggers. I work with the public and it’s hard on the other hand I love my job…. I am in danger of losing it.
I’m just learning this blog stuff…. I posted something earlier but I think I got it on the wrong comment place. But like I said I’m new to this. It feels good to see I’m not so alone. You all are out there and I’m seeing I have all these virtual hands to hold and I’m thankful.
i feel exactly the same. Up/down/left/right, highs, lots of lows, feeling alone, depressed, scared, tired, wired, super mad, hurt, obnoxious, hurtful – need u go on for anyone.
I only wish my family really knew what it was like to be me :-)
If you have been blessed by forgiveness or unconditional love, given or received please pass it on. My Dad always said this is what life is all about. Thank you Dad, you are with me always.
New reader here. I find your articles informational and interesting. I keep wondering where I can go to read on how to be a decent mother as I experience this illness. Suggestions such as rest for a few days are generally not helpful or possible for me as a mother of 4 children.
Monica :
In reference to your comment re anniversaries setting off a cycle…
Exactly like myself..
Particularly deaths,any loss
Upcoming well,November will be 4 th anniversary of my Dads death…
Cry all day that day….a nightmare while awake…
Plus next to no sleep.
Mums was much longer,but interestingly close December.
Worst Christmas ever,I associate the holiday with her death…
Previously,it was fun/ joyful.
Things can certainly change…
I never celebrate any holidays as they are @ my sisters.
Though it’s not a transportation issue…it’s a conditional love/ medical problems issues as well…..
Don’t feel welcome there.
At least here,yes I may cry but I’m not worried re other stuff…and of course rapid cycling,hence their non welcoming.
I’m sorry you go thru this as well.
Sux
I am a rapid cycler as well.
It’s an emotional roller coaster,my hypo manias tend to be in the morning ( later part)
As odd as it may sound with me timing is everything.
Even eating …
I go down a bit after noon meds,not severe depression,just kinda I’m so tired..
Like crashing,feeling.
Once they work…and I try my best to get few things done as necessary….I’m really whipped.
Desperate for nap ( also take meds for other medical conditions that tire me by this hr as well)
So,go for the nap.
Guaranteed feeling calmer,more in control.
Then online trying to stay educated…sometimes the internet can intensify any buried feelings of hypomania ( me)
Sometimes will go back down,think of the why me? negativity syndrome game….leading to depression…..
It’s an extremely resistant illness to treat/ live with….
Been desperately hard on my entire family…our relationships get slightly better,then back to the usual..misunderstandings & arguments .
After speaking to my Dr re this problem,he simply said you have to know when it’s time to give it up ( explaining,etc to them,sending articles via email) after all I’m 55 yrs old…
If they still fail to understand,basically,I’m wasting time & energy better put to use on more productive things….
Which made sense to me.
After all,you don’t choose your family,
They didn’t choose you.
But I sincerely don’t believe in conditional love,a deal breaker.
So be it then.
Hard & painful to truly realize it is how it is.
I ,am who,I am.
It’s a shame things are the way they are….but tomorrow is another day,& it’s been this way a long time….
Since love was unconditional ( my parents were alive )
All I can say is for those FOURTUNATE enough to be blessed with unconditional love …..you have no idea how lucky you truly are,for those are the ones that stick by you,no matter,UP/ down….Treasure that love…..
Greetings,
I have BP, and ive been experiencing rapid cycling, sometimes all in one day. Ive experienced this before, but this time i believe its all situational. My original back injury was 2 years ago, since then ive had multiple major surgeries. I found pain and pain meds play a part in my moods. Even lack of pain meds. I will never be able to go back to a job i loved and felt like i was meant to do that. The pain is increasing now when im supposed to be getting better. So stressed out my moods are up and down depending. I spend alot of time alone besides PT and drs appointments where i tend to be depresssed. My boyfriend comes home from work, and i get hypomanic. Im currently on many meds, but due to lack of sleep, i hage to take trazadone 3xs a day. I feel like in in a fog for second part of day and go to sleep which is good. But im missing out on time to spend time with boyfriend. I wake up depressed. Sometimes i just cry, sometimes i laugh so hard i cry. I never know how i will feel now per day, let alone per hour. I know why, but its still a challenge and wearing on me. Im fearful it wont stop if pain doesnt. I am always on edge latley over something. Its exhausting.
A question for you Natasha; what is the difference between ‘mixed mood’ and ‘rapid cycling’?
I am currently recovering from ‘mixed mood psychosis’ where I would change moods daily or twice daily.
I had understood this is where one has a full-blown mania, with psychosis as part of the cycling. I.e.where in the manic part of the cycle there is “a loss of contact with reality that usually includes: False beliefs about what is taking place or who one is (delusions) ; Seeing or hearing things that aren’t there (hallucinations)”
Yes that sounds about right, Harryf200. The psychosis was quite vivid and involved this time, augmented by seroquel withdrawal; but last time (some years ago) it was ‘merely’ thought disorder with the mania but some nasty delusional stuff along with the depression, exacerbated that time by taking an SSRI antidepressant.
Don’t get me wrong about the medication, because I was already becoming unwell in each case before the med. change. e.g. becoming manic leads to me dropping the medications, leads to massive psychotic episode.
Well, it is well recorded that some anti-depressants can trigger hypo and hyper mania. My first “sweet” pDoc had me taking Prozac for nigh on and while I was diagnosed with BP at the time, no one told me or – more importantly – my family doctor! It was simply reported to him and me as “clinical depression”. Oh, I felt so much better on those pills … I was buzzing along with lows and glorious highs and my productivity in work was gynormous! I would take 3 or 4 days to analyse a heap of data and write the report, a task that would have taken most mortals 3 or 4 weeks! I was ‘superman’! I was off work for a while and my biggest boss (one down from the top of the tree) sent me a card saying that he hoped I would be well soon and ‘firing on all six cylinders’ – SIX cylinders, not four! That’s how good was my productivity, although what I produced wasn’t always so good! In fact a lot of it was total BS.) Then, maybe 10 or mor years later, I was under a lot of stress at work, and it wasn’t ‘just business – it was personal! (Or atleast, it felt that way, but maybe I was paranoid.) I felt – as you can – a seriously deep depression starting. So, I asked him for a change of medication as I didn’t feel the Prozac was going to be enough to keep it in check. I forget what the name of the new anti-depressant was but, having taken it on the Friday morning, by Saturday it tripped me into the Mother of all MIxed episodes/dysphoric manias. I have never felt so bad, ever, and if I ever feel that was again … I guessed it was the meds but I had to lock myself away in a room, so I could not do anything to harm myself before Monday when I would see my family doctor. That one massive jolt was the start of a long ride of ultra ultra rapid cycling, and while I am very much better than I was, that was 8 years ago, and I’ve not had a proper job since! But it was at the first emergency consultation with a pDoc when I discovered the diagnosis that I had not been told about, and why I should have never been given the particular anti-depressant I had taken. (The family doctor was horrified when I told him and he showed me the letter he had received from the original pDoc the first time I was ill, and nowhere in it did it mention Bipolar Disorder.) So, yeah … I know what some anti-depressants can do!
THANK YOU ALL!
Oh My,you have know idea how hard it’s been to understand why my BP is so different from everyone else’s. I rapid cycle, then do the hypo and then at times do the Ultradian as well. Very rarely am I stuck with one mood for long and yup, scared to go off my meds.
I do have major trouble sleeping and know that’s bad, will show this to my Doc to see if I can get some as needed sleep aids, I have plenty of otc stuff, but… it rarely keeps me asleep for more than a few hours and I know I need sleep so stay in bed and toss and turn till I get a couple more.
I also was prescribed antidepressants but learned very quickly that was a desperate no, no!
Thanks again for making me feel…normal LOL
So, If I am depressed and then experiencing rage suddenly and then suddenly super high in one day, then have a horrible sleep and am completely flat the next day and depressed in the evening, am I rapid cycling? This is new to me in the last few months. I have Bipolar II and am on medication that allows me to be rational, until lately. I don’t know if it is my illness changing or if it’s menopause interacting with the illness or what. I wish my GP and my Psychiatrist would consult eachother.
I rapid cycle and sometimes ultra-rapid. I’m down to 3 psych meds which is better than 7. When nothing helps my anxiety I use cannabis and it is very effective. Extremely effective. I just can’t have potato chips in the apartment.
My hypomanias also hit at night. I take a high dose AAP and Melatonin and stay up 36 hours glued to my laptop. It’s like I took nothing at all. I will write 2000 word emails that take hours. Read them, delete them, start over. At one time I had 30 drafts of those emails. Nuttier than a fruitcake.
I’ve been on SSDI for a few years and it has helped me tremendously. Most of my advances have come from controlling my thoughts. If I really make someone angry, I don’t dwell. If they make me angry, I don’t dwell. I finally realized that those thoughts can be controlled and I don’t have to live with them for days. I refuse to do it.
And you’re right. When I had to put my orange ball of love tabby down I was crushed. Devastated. That was over a year ago and I still tear up when looking at his pictures.
I’ve learned to eat healthy and exercise is sort of getting there.
I didn’t want to go on disability but it is exactly what I had to do. It was the right decision for me.
Thanks for the interesting topic, Natasha. Very informative.
Hi Natasha…
Thank you for writing this. It completely answers all the questions I made in the other post.
I can feel some hope by knowing it can get better =)
Does anything external can trigger the mood swings? Just wondering…
you are amazing
Hi NewBipo,
Yes, I wrote this article in response to your comment. I do that sometimes :)
Yes, external triggers are absolutely possible. For example, if your cat died or if you got into a fight with a friend that could, quite reasonably, trigger a bipolar mood shift.
– Natasha Tracy
Anniversaries of bad things trigger me. I handle the actual event calmly. Then break down every year after.
I too have also had to deal with the Ultradian Bipolar ultra ultra cycling. Oh, what a party that is with the moods turning on a dime, and for no obvious reason. Clearly we have a club of us with it here! Having gone through various medications, one of which I’m pretty sure has caused me Type 2 Diabetes, I’m finally on a regime of … something else! There are side effects to this one as well .. blurred vision can occur, strange little pigment-less spots on the skin and … this is the killer … memory problems, the latter apparently being a rare side-effect but, hey! I don’t do things by halves! Anyway. What my doc told me was that the meds would not stop the mood swings, but would squeeze them from the poles, so they would not be as noticeably different. Seems to have worked, or at least, and for now, the swings are much less and actually, less frequent – more low-level chronic depression, but I always wonder, is this because of the meds, or in spite of them? I could always find out by stopping taking the meds, I suppose, but those of you who know what the ultra ultra rapid cycling is like will understand why I daren’t risk it! Right guys?
Hi all,
I just wanted to let everyone know that I used to feel like a lab rat (and that’s quite reasonable) but now I have found some fairly effective medications and I’m glad I stuck with it.
I’m not saying you have to, I’m just saying there can be a light at the end of the tunnel (even if the tunnel is very long).
– Natasha Tracy
I will say that after years of trying I’m mostly stable on my meds, and my rapid cycling spells come at fairly predictable intervals. Like, I’ve lost a lot of people in the month of May, and it’s always bad. So now my doctor ups my meds in April and May, I work fewer hours, and we muddle through. But the meds keep me much more stable than I was before
i HAVE WHAT IS CALLED…..Ultradian Cycling…. One minute I can be fine and the next minute I am on the floor in the fetal position.. Hard to have conversations with people because I go from OK to crying.. I have no control. I fear going to sleep because I never what the next day brings. Went to the psych doctor last night who is 75 years old and he has seen everything under the sun… Been with him for 5 years.. All he asked is would you try ECT? So , basically I am screwed and been screwed for so many years. I call my brain Joe because I feel it is no longer part of me but an entity sitting next to me and I am joes hand puppet and Joe is real mean. This is destroying not only me but my wife who is my caregiver. The meds have also done a number on my kidneys, heart and endocrine system. 24 seven ruminations… Interesting how I can get some respid when I am yelling. Too bad its at the Wrong people.I rarely leave the house. What I would give just to be a rapid cycler.
My bipolar is a little strange. I go months stable, with normal, non-bipolar, type mood changes. Then I will go 2 weeks to a month where I rapid cycle, usually between hypomania, irritable manic, occasionally delusional. My dad, husband and son are good at helping me when I’m like this, restricting my access to money and car keys, not letting me go many places alone, buffering me from people who trigger me as much as they can. Unfortunately, my mom is one of my best friends and biggest triggers. We had words this weekend, and she said she didn’t like my attitude. My 10 year old popped up, “then walk away grandma. She’s cycling and her mood and attitude will change in 15 minutes anyway.” My mom just looked shocked, and my dad and husband died laughing …and in a few minutes I joined them, because he was right. When I’m cycling I can’t feel anything, good or bad, for more than a few minutes until something else distracts me. And from personal experience, I know that antidepressants can only been used if I’m suicidal and then only for a few weeks. Antianxiety meds as needed work much better
Monica – I do much the same as you seem to, I switch back and forth several times a day on some days, with “mixed mode” in there as well. I live alone, so there’s nobody here to take my wallet or car keys away. I try not to drive when I’m like this anyway, but there’s always something new to find on Amazon. I have more books than I’ll be able to finish for the rest of my life. Hang in there!
Jeff, I feel like crap sometimes that my 10 year old has to take so much responsibility for me. My husband works 2 jobs since I haven’t found a job I can do, but don’t qualify for disability. For him, though, it’s normal. They have been learning about bullying, suicide prevention, and mental illness in health class, and he talked openly with his class about it. He said it’s just part of me, like his asthma or migraines. And he says he doesn’t mind me being crazy, because it means I’m always home when he needs me. I know that him and my amazingly patient husband do me as much good as the meds. If I want to order something online, we have to go into Walmart and put money on the prepaid card…stops impulse shopping. And I hate Walmart, so I’m not doing it unless it’s something I have to do!
You have an amazing family – so supportive!
Does your husband have a sister like him?! :)
Unfortunately no. :) But he grew up with two brothers who are untreated bipolar, and drug addicts, which makes my issues easier for him to deal with. After all, he can see I’m trying. Them, all he’s seen is hell and misery, so he helps me fight to not be them
I experience ultradian cycles. Fortunately they have been controlled by meds. I have a new doctor who is changing them as he says my future prognosis is bad if I continue this way. For the first time in my life I will not be taking an antidepressant and find it interesting that it shouldn’t have been prescribed to bipolar patients in the first place. So much has been learned over the 25 years on how to properly medicate. I feel I was a guinea pig and now hold a deep resentment. Just hope good has come out of it for others. The withdrawal symptoms are hell and if I had known about the danger of discontinuing Divalproex I would never consented to taking it in the first place. I am scared. And for the first time due to bipolar may have to be hospitalized. Wish me luck! Thanks for the informative article Natasha. Good writing. How about something regarding hospitalizations?
Med withdraws generally suck, regaurdless of the meds. Good luck…..I’ve been there before
Virginia..
I can only say I know somewhat what you are going through. I have promised myself that I will no longer be a lab rat for big pharma nor a :why dont you try this” patient for doctors… I have had it. What adds injury to insult is many pharma companies no longer will produce the real deal )because of Obama care and the insurance companies and we are being forced in to generics and I can tell the difference. I have not been hospitalized yet but am fearful of it.. My doctor who is connected with the local hospital doesn’t want to see me in it either.. He tries hard to help me and he has a heart but what can he do. He sent me home with a script for depakote and it went into a drawer. I am only on Lamictal and Klonopin and will not take anymore antipychotics because of the connection with dementia in hte later years and I am 60. . If i Knew 16 years ago that Klonopin is probably the most evil drug in the world I would have never taken but i have co-morbitdities to BP which is major depression and anxiety. Three times trying to titrate off klonopin.. very slowly like over 2 years each time and the last 1/4 mg would do me in. Rebound anxiety was beyond belief. Still on that crap… Last night was the first time I saw my wife cry and said to the doc , its over, there is nothing you can do. She cried so hard . I dont know what to do. I You and I are in the I dont what what will happen in 5 minutes club. Entrance fee low.. Exit fee? what exit? Peace to you.