Some days, depression actually makes me wake up crying. Sometimes the crying is a few minutes after waking up and sometimes it is mere seconds. I have even woken up in the morning with tears on my face. I don’t know how these things are possible. I don’t know how depression can make me cry when I wake up before thoughts are even produced – I only know that it can.
Waking Up Crying Because of Depression
I suppose some people don’t believe that you can wake up crying because of depression. Others may think I’m being dramatic. This just isn’t true — ask my Kleenex boxes. (One of which sit by my bed and one of which sits by me in the living room. They get a lot of use.) I understand other people may have never experienced anything like this, but that doesn’t make it any less real for me.
The Problem with Depression and Waking Up Crying
And it’s just the worse feeling to be depressed and wake up crying. What chance do I have of having a good day when I wake like that? And it’s not like I’m just crying. It’s not just a physical thing. It’s a sense of hopelessness, darkness and deep, deep sadness. These feelings aren’t mine, they are the depression’s, but they certainly overwhelm me when I wake up crying.
It’s an amazing thing. Even though I try to separate my sick, depressed brain from my human mind, my illness is still quite capable of overwhelming this separation and making it feel like it doesn’t exist at all. Waking up crying because of depression makes me feel like I am depression. It makes me feel like depression is all that I am. It makes me feel like my being is controlled by this illness.
Dealing with Depression and Waking Up Crying
Look, I don’t know the best way for anyone to deal with overwhelming emotions that occur without even thought. This is a very difficult question to which I don’t believe anyone has the answer.
Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean this brutal depression symptom is not worth fighting. All the self-help skills you have should be thrown at it. Nothing may stick, honestly, but the fight is still worth it.
For me, logic is always my go-to depression self-help skill. I try to separate myself from the illness even though it is overwhelming and wants me to surrender. I always tell myself that how I feel because of depression isn’t really me. I always tell myself that the suffering is real, but that I can breathe through it. I have done it a million times before and I can do it again today.
So yeah, while waking up crying because of depression is a good way to ruin a theoretically good day, the fighting of it reminds me of my strength. I may still be unbelievably depressed, but at least there is that.
Image by Flickr user Maria Morri.
Thanks for writing that.
I wake up crying at least 2-3 times a week. It sets the tone for the entire day. I felt I was the only one this happened too. I woke up crying today again. I always try to understand why this is happening to me. So do searches in hopes of finding some answers. It seems there aren’t any. It’s the worst fucking feeling ever…..I can’t wait until I die, so I won’t ever have to be depressed or bipolar or bother anyone with my sadness again.
Hello,
Please email me shauna_allsop@hotmail.co.uk. I hate you feel like this and would like to help. Xx
As far as crying goes,1) I’ve proof my eyes are red + swollen .
Hard to open,on only ably able still w one eye.
It’s so swollen & useless.
So of course,I teally cried a lot last nite.
My lt eye is totatally vision screwed ex any typos can’t help it.
I hate depression so flicking muchj!!!!!’
That’s one reason no friends other mania still trigger.
I’m so siick of feeling liike shit,plus weight gain.
See my psych 27 th
Feb going to ask to ask for med ( ap) reductions ……as most clothes don’t fit.
Or are really tight WHICH I HATE)
30 lbs up last times ( Jan I think) prob more!!!!!
I actally was interested why my eyeys were red & red swollen looked like I smoked pot
I don’t )
First I thought allergies,cat hair could all be too.p
As this post maybe hard to read as I’m typing w one hand using one eye
The left eye still very painful
Ex typos
Sandra in bipolarspace
it occurs to me that i haven’t been tearfully depressed in a long time — years? decades? in this way i’m an example of something, eg, that it gets better, that sooner or later you find effective meds. i know that incapacitating depression is out there, in this way i will always live in bipolar’s shadow; but i suppose i’ve become more confident in my ability to manage. the name of the game is survival.
1999 – 2001 was perhaps my most life-threatening depression. long depressions are the worst, since at some point you wonder if they will ever end. i suppose i was able to keep going by continually putting off the question of suicide.
the end was quite sudden when it came… on a weekend with my children (which usually was hard for me…. trying to pretend like i was okay) we spent the day sledding on a local hill; i had to hike back to find lost mittens, and suddenly i was aware of the green pine trees and blue sky. a bright piece of litter caught my eye like a gemstone. i could hear the breeze through the treetops, the sound of distant water, children’s voices.
the only thing i can think to compare the experience would be lsd back in college — it’s imperceptibly gradual until all at once it’s sudden. my life was still ashes, of course, but i felt as if i was able to begin to heal. i felt as i was back.
i write this comment because i recall the crying jags; in retrospect, the tearfulness and fearfulness marked the bottom. it’s better to cry than to be dead apathetic. focus on surviving one day to the next: hold out for that unexpected moment when everything changes.
I’m not sure anymore. The knock-on effect of the BP also affects my family and I end up fighting them as well as the BP! I am so very tired of fighting. Just brief respite. Decades of it with no end in sight. I don’t want to fight anymore.
I’m not bipolar, but my mother was and my spouse is. This post is makes me so sad, but is one of the reasons I’m such a huge fan of Natasha. She gives those of us without bipolar a glimpse into her world and helps us understand a little better. BTW, I HAVE woken up crying before when I was pregnant I’ve often mentioned it to friends when they get pregnant so they won’t be taken by surprise by the myriad of ways in which hormones can wreak havoc on a person. So while I can’t relate to a lot of what you write about, I can this. There’s something about it that just seems so unfair… you can fight depressive thoughts during the day with logic, but when it sneaks in at night in your dreams when you’re supposed to be recovering from whatever ordeals the day has brought, it just sucks. So, thanks again for sharing a piece of your struggles. You’re amazing.
I used to wake up crying once in a while from a sad dream. Maybe that was triggered by bipolar, possibly.