It’s common for people with bipolar disorder to feel isolated. Isolation comes from the person with bipolar choosing to isolate themselves and those around them walking away and forcing isolation on them.
So I commonly tell people with bipolar disorder to reach out. It’s important to reach out to people who will be supportive – because these people do exist. And it’s important to reach out to professionals and support groups so you don’t feel so alone with, what is undoubtedly, a very scary diagnosis.
But even when a person takes that advice, even when a person gets it all together, even when a person with bipolar does find supports, it’s still lonely.
Alone with Bipolar Disorder
And I think it’s because, in the end, it’s just you and your bipolar disorder. In the dark of night, when you’re home alone, flipping through channels on the TV set, it’s just your bipolar keeping your company. It’s because after all those supportive people go home and the support groups are over, there’s still just you – alone with your bipolar disorder.
And this is a very lonely place to be.
Battling Bipolar Alone
It feels like you’re battling a powerful foe, alone. Of course, there are psychiatrists, therapists and other supports helping you, but they aren’t there 24 hours a day – only you are. They aren’t there when you wake up in the middle of the night having a panic attack. They aren’t there when the mania starts to come on and you lose control of your judgment. They aren’t there when the feelings of suicidality are unbearable.
Aren’t We All Alone?
And it’s true, everyone is alone with themselves every day. The difference is, when you have bipolar disorder, you have a constant voice in your head trying to kill you. You’re not just alone with your thoughts – you’re alone with disordered, and yes, crazy, bipolar thoughts. You aren’t just scared of what the monster under the bed will do to you; you’re scared of what an illness might actually make you do to yourself.
The fatal vice of expiation, by Benedetta.
Loneliness and Bipolar
I find this aspect of bipolar making me extremely lonely. No matter how much I explain to people and try to make them understand they don’t get the unending battle. They don’t get the 24/7 nature of it. They just don’t get what it’s like to have a loud, unending, relentless, torturous voice in your head all the time. They don’t understand that there are no breaks. They don’t understand that mental illness doesn’t relent. They don’t understand how much I have to be on guard.
The loneliness is glaciating.
The only thing to do, I think, is to step back and try to remember all those people who will be there tomorrow. They’re not there right now, but they will be, just like they were before and just like they will be again. The only thing to do is to combat the loneliness with logic. And remember that while the bipolar may last forever, the feelings of loneliness won’t.
I do talk to ,my husband but he will just say things like.. i think everyone feels confused from time to time or everyone gets sad, things like that. I don’t bother correcting him. He has no reference for the intensity of emotion i am experiencing. But he’s trying. It does make me feel isolated and even more empty of connection.
You are so amazing Natasha….
You get it. And I’ll never meet you, but knowing you are out there… another living person who hears the unrelenting, torturing voice…. those ping-pong thoughts that fly around at 7000 miles per hour, the high intelligence, the constant acting….
Is my life a lie? I hate this world so much sometimes but I have a home, a brilliant beautiful wife, and perfect daughter. I also own my company and have total work autonomy and make a LOT of money.
I’ve been in therapy 15 years, take 2 meds and medical marijuana. I exercise. I sleep well.
And still, the voice is there… goddamned red eyes and scratchy voice, whispering never ending and disgusting things about hurting others, cynicism about the world, and other dark dark things..
I yell at my illness. I rage at it in the name of God, my family, my own goodness.
I tell it: You arent going to take me today you POS. You arent sending me back to the hospital (for a 3rd time) or causing me to attempt suicide (again). or ruining another friendship (many gone).
You aren’t gonna make me swing a guitar at my buddys head. You arent gonna make me scream what a bunch of idiot time wasting boobs millenials are… You’re not gonna take away the kindness I know I have in me.
I want to address all the NON-bipolar people reading this:
The Devil’s objective is to make mankind believe that there is no light, no God, and no peace.
Bipolar has the same objective: it robs a person from his peace and his light.
It is the closest thing I’ve ever experienced to being face to face with actual evil. Not the manufactured evil you see on TV every night: movies, terrorists on the news in faraway lands you’ll never bother to see… But real evil.
Do you want to know what it looks like?
Nothing. Not dark. Beyond dark. A void. Endless. From that void spring images and sounds: sometimes whirring, spinning colors; sometimes talking numbers that describe old magics; sometimes an image of a man crushing a child’s throat, complete with soundtrack; sometimes information that later turns out true. It all comes from the most horrible, complete, silent, penetrating darkness.
That’s what the Devil looks like: nothing… and suddenly… CHAOS. Then, nothing again.
I know that every day I’m alive, I beat the Devil 3, 4 and 5 times per day. I look him in the face and see fangs and hear snarls and smell sulfur. I curse his name. I call him “liar”, “deceiver”. I do this, and I am a father, husband, manager, and sales leader for my firm. I play saxophone. I write plays that get put on by actors whove been on stages in theaters that people pay not small amounts of money to see.
Most people go to offices, and sit there, bored and uninspired and exhausted. This is their challenge.
I laugh. I really do. Not all problems are created equal, and that’s not a put-down to non-bipolars. It’s a celebration of normalcy because normalcy is peace. Normalcy is order.
I battle real demons. Their fangs sink into my neck. Their screeches plague my life, rob me of my sense of normalcy and belonging. I see you all, kind people, working hard, smiling and been friends and having nice easy talks about regular stuff, and I love you from afar. I protect you… from me… About 5 people on this Earth know the real me.
THAT is bipolar disorder’s curse: isolation from the gorgeous light you all emanate. The teamsmanship; the love of team sports; for really uncomplex music and TV…all those things are not better than me.
I just don’t understand them, so in the past, I criticized those things to make myself feel better. 20 years later, I see I just felt left out. The people who love the regular stuff life aren’t the bad guy. And neither are we bipolars.
It’s the lack of light in my mind b/c of chemical deficiencies and missing pieces in my gray matter.
I’m a car with 3 wheels, broken, and incomplete.
So, I compensated by being the best…
I am 40, trilingual, own a company that can be sold for $3M, have a hot wife with a PhD, a daughter so cute others stop their work to smile along with her. I have a better life on paper than 99% of this planet.
I am so bold about claiming these achievements bluntly and openly because bipolar…. the demons, the voices, the images… they all add up to a real handicap: I can’t ever be your friend because eventually, I am going to have a bad, sad, angry day.
And you will get scared or hurt by me. And you’ll fire me, dump me, hate me, be afraid of me…
Dont envy my wealth. Dont pity my condition.
I want you to learn ONE thing:
The Devil and his whole host of demons are not metaphorical. They are real, living, breathing things.
I meet them every morning the second my eyes open. I hear the loudly all day, but loudest around 3pm. At night, sometimes I get a 2 minute rest of clarity, so I can hold my whole body against the wall and cry, and plead and beg for freedom, sometimes throw up or bite my own lip involuntarily until I bleed.
The son of a bitch is with me right now… dead, withered face, burning red eyes, and his voice, so quiet and mocking… falsely affectionate and kind, but so convincingly so. He makes me think he has my real best interest in mind.
When I see him, I stand up, wipe the vomit from my lips, button up my shirt and tie, and say out loud “F**k off”.
I walk out of the bathroom right into a meeting room with the whole sales and marketing team and run the show for an hour.
I dont know how to end this so I am stopping.
Hi Jedi Dwight
Your comment resignated so deeply In my soul, as if I watching a heartfelt movie. It touched me on so many levels. Can I please reach out to you? Actually I need to connect with you.
YUP!!! I HAVE BROKEN NEARLY EVERY BONE IN MY BODY. NO EXAGGERATION. HUNDREDS OF STICHES. AGAIN, NO EXAGGERATION. CURRENTLY HAVE MY FRONT TOOTH YANKED OUT, DUE TO A CRACK FROM A PAST ACCIDENT. NOTHING COMPARES TO THIS CONSTANT PAIN. YOU SEE PEOPLE HAPPY AND YOUR ENVY IS SO DEEP. MENTAL PAIN IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST.
My. I have never seen a better description of my daily struggle. I always think I am a wimp. I know I am not. I am 62.
Its amazing how much torture we can put up with 24/7. No respid. I am Cycling every day. I am surprised that at age 62 with all the stress and anxiety, extreme depression, massive guilt and loneliness my heart hasn’t exploded. I have come to the realization that there is no hope and this is terminal. My spirit? What spirit? Same as it ever was.
Thanks for putting that into words
You make a great difference to the world with your insightful posts, Natasha Tracey. Thank you and I hope that maybe your bloggers can keep you company and support you. Phone counselling lines can be good too and the churches can help. My experience of mental illness (bipolar) is that ‘normal’ people don’t want to know people with mental illnesses and that is what results in the social isolation and loneliness. Local drop-in centres and mental health drop-in centres can be very supportive. Prayer has helped me enormously. More power, and good health to you, Natasha Tracy.
I suffer from Bi Polar disorder and have researched endlessly but it wasn’t until today as I was feeling my loneliest that I found this article. I did a screen shot to send to my friends who may not really understand how I feel. I know the bi polar is forever and loneliness isn’t but it hurts just the same. I know my coping skills are great because I am still here but the sadness at times is completely overwhelming
Thank you, Natasha. Every word of your post is exactly how I am feeling at this very moment.
Someone mentioned about their ex playing music all the time. The answer to why she did that was to escape from her constant tourmenting thoughts. Music makes you feel what others feel for a change. I listen to music all day I work from home. It drives everyone bonkers. It just releases me from my constant debilitating thoughts.
It was really helpful for me to read this. I have attempted suicide twice, both failures obviously. I’ve never been afraid of being alone until just recently, because I’ve been a loner my whole life. My girlfriend is leaving for two months and I’m having a really hard time kicking the bottle, as it’s been my temporary escape for so many years but too much of it only messes with my brain that much more, even to the point of psychosis. It’s just amazing to read this article and to see that I’m not alone, people try to understand but the “battle” is truly relentless. It’s a really hard balance to find. Cycling through medicines, my psychiatrist has given me olanzapine among with others and when I’m completely soccer it’s about 70% effective. Every day is a battle for my life, yet I remain hopeful as often as I can. I highly recommend if your able to work consider working only a 32 hour week, it’s added some stability to my life. Thank you all for just not making me feel alone.
I think its great to hear the truth about how hard it is cping with bi polar and i found the article helpful. What do i do to help me cope. I think of all the stuff that makes me happy.My allotment garden and nature. All the beauty there is around me every day. My dog who thinks she is the Buddha queen of our local park and bestows love on everyone,whether they want it or not! I try not to let negativity pull me down the plughole of despair ,and yes i pray alot. Presently i am sick with bronchitis and afraid i will have anouther bi polar attack but Natasha you are right.Reach out for help.i am doing that tomorrow,and it will be a great day.And i will get through this. We are not alone and i am comforted by the thought of all you couragous bi polar people out there truely winning every day.
Not the most uplifting article I have read on this subject
I have a question related to this topic. My bipolar ex-fiancee had an interesting “quirk” – she liked to play the radio all the time… a music station… with the typical comments and talk and commercials in between songs. What I found most unusual is that she liked to have it playing all night long, even while we were falling asleep… and sleeping. We found a happy medium which involved her turning down the volume and me using earplugs. Sometimes she would not play it at all… but I know she preferred to.
It always seemed so unusual to me, and I wondered why she seemed to always want the radio playing, even at night. It never became an issue between us, I just thought it was pretty unusual and didn’t understand it. When I asked her why she liked it, she basically gave me a non-answer such as “I just like it.”
Is this type of thing something which is commonly done by people with Bipolar Disorder? Do you think it was something she did, perhaps as a way to silence those “disordered, crazy bipolar thoughts” Natasha wrote about, and some others have posted about here in this thread?
That is so interesting – I do the same thing. I need to have the radio turned on, but low, or else I just can’t sleep. Having the radio on makes me feel a bit less alone, and it guides my thoughts – sometimes my dreams go along with the stories. I have found that when I don’t have the radio on, I end up having really bad dreams & nightmares, especially when my mood is unstable. I’ve had sleep problems since I was a young kid – I remember having nightmares and insomnia as early as 6 YO. Anyways, part of being bipolar is having thoughts that are out of control – whether depressed or manic. I think that having the radio on helps because it guides my thoughts for a while (which makes it easier to relax & sleep).
Ummm i have bi polar disorder and i may not be a super amazing writer or an author…….it was repetitive and the adjectives alone made me feel even MORE alone. Ya know those voices in your head that make you feel alienated….yeah well this article literally is every negative thought in my head, not exactly aspiring when i need to turn my frown upside down, you reiterated what we already think…….Really? All these people saying she’s an amazing writer……You people can relate because she’s repeating every negative thought you’ve had, almost like adding salt to the wound, there was nothing uplifting or inspiring about it, just made me feel more depressed and…….you guess it, ALONE. Thanks for stating over and over again the obvious natasha……
Jenny,
She is telling it like it is.. No magic potion , no wonder drug, no clapping of the hands whioe saying a few words and having it leave.. This is the harsh reality for many of us who truly suffer from it.. BOP in many circles has become a fad. I for one am now very realistic about my brain malady. My brain wants me dead. Simple as that. It want to harm me. its not part of me. it controls me. Cant sugar coat that. Aint no sunshine in my life. Just one storm after another. I cycle 2 or 3 times per day. Try that on for size.
I’ve enjoyed reading all your helpful comments. I have been trying to post my own reply now for nearly an hour. I can’t for the life of me get my thought in my brain transmitted here without sounding like a bubling idiot. Just one of my favorite symptoms of my illness. Being able to articulate in words what I’m thinking has become over time truly debilitating. That being said, I think I’ll continue to read the comments here and then attempt a chat room at a later date (maybe lol).
Enjoyed and understood your well written comment Kimmy, Don’t be so hard on yourself :)
This is making me cry. this is exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you.
Thank you for expressing so eloquently what I have been unable to do. I understand it completely.
hey guys, for those of you feeling lonely may I recommend bipolar chatrooms. There’s a good one at healthfulchat dot org.
You can get a lot of support from other people with the same illness. See you on the chat :)
I have suffered late onset bipolar (50 years old). It has turned my life upside down. The most recent episode resulted in about 5 months of mania followed by 13 months of major depression. I am glad to be alive.
One thing I have learned is that depression does not stick to a moving target, You have to FORCE OURSELF to get out of bed, clean up and attend a meeting or do something to move forward. You can do it. You have to do it. This disease will have you sleeping in bed 17 hours a day…at east it did for me. I implore you to get up and out…tap into a support group. If nothing is local find groups on the net. Exercise, even if that means walking a block.
We have been dealt a bad hand, but we can survive.
Roy, I can relate to much of what you said. Be honest with your doctors, they can’t help get you on the right meds unless you work with them. I was diagnosed originally with ADD, when bipolar was the main issue. I’m now on lithium and Ritalin. comment
Wow, when I was 26 years old I was diagnosed with ADD with Bipolar tendencies while I was in the Air Force and I tried to leave it at that but over the years I realized there was something more wrong with me than just lacking focus. I have been in so many failed relationships, cheated, lied compulsively, had anger issues, and hurt so many people that I cannot believe I still have friends around me. I finally met someone, at age 44, who is trying to help me but as you know it is a struggle but I am going to do my best to make myself better. Of course I know now that you just cannot heal your mental illness but you can do your best to control it. I am taking my first step on Sunday to go to a Doctor and will be honest with him rather than just telling them enough to give me the meds I have been taking for my ADD.
I was trying to explain to her how I feel and I found this article online and finally found a way to explain to someone exactly what it feels like to have a mental illness. Unfortunately my loneliness, when she is not around, has led to me making impulsive decisions that lead to me breaking her trust with another woman and hurt her. Luckily for me she believes in me and wants me to get better so I am going to do my best, not for her though but for myself because I am tired of being the person I have been for so many years. I will continue to read the articles on here as well as listen to the advice of my doctor and see where it takes me. Wish me luck :)
This is so right on! I am 26 and just was this year was d diagnosed with it. I live in Ny , a very sometimes judgemental state. It is very hard to keep relationships @ Keith. I sometimes want to be left alone because I don’t know anyone like me or even anyone who will face the fact that they are like me. I just wish I had someone to talk to who understands relates and has no ulterior motive to getting to know me. Which can be hard on the inside I’m a traumatized victim of everything and on the outside I’m everyone’s exotic sex dream. But sometimes its comforting just reading things like this to remind you that your not alone!
Thank you -thank you: that was the best way to describe my life. To add to my pain my wife left me because of my disorder. I wish I had someone to go get coffee with! I’m from nj the lonely state any takers?
” in the end, it’s just you and your bipolar disorder. In the dark of night, when you’re home alone, flipping through channels on the TV set, it’s just your bipolar keeping your company.”……….. that is so true for me it’s not funny!!! “It feels like you’re battling a powerful foe, alone. Of course, there are psychiatrists, therapists, (good friends) and other supports helping you, but they aren’t there 24 hours a day”. When i have a drink sometimes the reason for that is I feel more up and “The shy or insecure person in me gets to be more outgoing and confident. The person who’s too tightly wrapped gets to let loose and be stupid. And the person who’s chronically anxious and fearful gets to relax”. Makes you forget the battle that you are fighting day in and day out for maybe 2-4 hours “They don’t get the 24/7 nature of it.” ( some days i feel good then have 2-3 days maybe 2-5 days a week of sadness and pain is so powerful its debilitating. That can go on for 2-4/6-8 weeks. Then maybe a good week or two then it comes back again. I just go to bed and try and sleep it off. The feeling may still be their when i wake up but its not so powerful . It also takes a few days for the down/sad feeling to wear off but also you are in fear of it as you do not know when it will strike again and also in fear that it will pop up again the next day but it may not…. The worst parts the Loneliness some of it is my felt just wanting to be alone and going to bed in the morning and sleeping during the day. Also wanting to be alone in the fear that when i get these feelings of sadness and pain i never know when they are going to come on day/night or how bad they are going to be.
I’m so feeling the loneliness today….The one of no other person in my life actually understanding the torment on the inside. I’ve been crying my eyes out for an hour now with absolutely no real reason to be. My family is right here with me but I am locked in my pain. Thank u for this post today.
Really speaks to me and the comments also let me know how many of us there are.I would like to forward this to people.Sadly they don’t REALLY want to know.
Yeah I forward things like this to ppl they either don’t care or don’t understand either way it doesn’t get me anywhere and the moment after I’m still stuck here with this same void. :’-(
I wonder if this is why my teen daughter NEVER wants to be alone. Wants a friend to sleep over or to sleep over a friends or a relatives house EVERY night and when that can’t happen, she sleeps with me in the living room (her in the recliner, me on the couch) rather than in her own bed.
As a recovering BP suffer using natural methods of recovery which have really helped my condition and overall well-being, I’ve learnt that being lonely is part and parcel of the condition, and is even part of the cause. If you are uncomfortable with being lonely for a few days, you’ll need to figure out why. Ask yourself “Why can’t I just be happy alone for extended periods”. And the answer might take you way back to your childhood, you maybe have had periods where you felt abandoned. Where those who cared about you, weren’t there for you. Or they labelled you a “problem child” or gave you a sense you can’t do anything right on your own. This could well be the root cause of your negative feelings when you are feeling lonely during your adult life. It’s taking you back to a mindset, a feeling that is a trigger for your negative self image, and makes you feel depressed, out of alignment with your true sense of self, you feel like no one is there for you or you can’t function on your own and need help or attention. So my advice is see that feeling of loneliness as a time for self-reflection, feel the pain of being alone, feel the emotion, cry if you have to – let those emotions out. But keep going, be alone for weeks and face your own fear of abandonment, and I assure you will come out gaining something. Once you beat that fear, you will realize there was nothing to fear in the first place. If you can address those negative feelings, without needing to reach out to someone, you’ll earn to depend on yourself, and realize it’s just your thoughts that are making you feel that way, and you are not your thoughts. You will find out that only you are in control and responsible for how you feel. And then you will realize loneliness is just a state of mind, and you’re never lonely if you’re happy with who you are in the present moment. We also avoid people when we’re down, because we feel that others will target us, because this is exactly what some people like to do, they like to put down others or say “oh shame, Sarah is depressed again” and cast their judgements. We want to avoid people knowing that we are feeling down, because we WORRY too much how others think and perceive us. So it’s important to remember that who you are is based on what YOU think, not what others think and that everyone has their own issues even though they may not show it, it’s just that bipolar people tend to have more extreme swings of mood. So don’t avoid people, share your feelings with others who you can trust, and remember laughter is the best medicine, and letting out those emotions. Don’t hide away and keep things bottled up. Depression is a state of mind, and your emotions and listening to your feelings is key to understand how your thoughts control how you feel.
Feeling lonely is a universal thing. Sometimes I see loneliness in the faces of the most festive ones at the party. Sane or not, it strikes everyone at one point or another. This is always a reminder…
Whenever Richard Cory went down town, We people on the pavement looked at him: He was a gentleman from sole to crown, Clean favored, and imperially slim.
And he was always quietly arrayed, And he was always human when he talked; But still he fluttered pulses when he said, ‘Good-morning,’ and he glittered when he walked.
And he was rich – yes, richer than a king -And admirably schooled in every grace: In fine, we thought that he was everything To make us wish that we were in his place.
So on we worked, and waited for the light, And went without the meat, and cursed the bread; And Richard Cory, one calm summer night, Went home and put a bullet through his head.
Edwin Arlington Robinson
Thank you so much for this post im 21 and i have Bipolar disorder got it when i was in my teens about 15 its very exhausted to have it drains all my energy i try have . what it feels to have ? wow pretty much sadness lonely nobody uderstands bipolar no matter how many times i told them they dont get it . but i still live my life because its forver never going anywhere try find happeines peace and love some where dont let this bring you down . its soooooo hard to have trust me i understand its like being in boxing rind eveday fighting my damn self . i get tierd of sometimes ask why cant i just be happy ? i would love to know what that feels like sometimes . im contuie to fight this crazy bipolar . hope everyone does the same nice meet you all :) xoxo
“Aren’t We All Alone?
And it’s true, everyone is alone with themselves every day. The difference is, when you have bipolar disorder, you have a constant voice in your head trying to kill you. You’re not just alone with your thoughts – you’re alone with disordered, and yes, crazy, bipolar thoughts. You aren’t just scared of what the monster under the bed will do to you; you’re scared of what an illness might actually make you do to yourself”
“Loneliness and Bipolar
I find this aspect of bipolar making me extremely lonely. No matter how much I explain to people and try to make them understand they don’t get the unending battle. They don’t get the 24/7 nature of it. They just don’t get what it’s like to have a loud, unending, relentless, torturous voice in your head all the time. They don’t understand that there are no breaks. They don’t understand that mental illness doesn’t relent. They don’t understand how much I have to be on guard.”
Amen sister…
It is a 24/7/365 illness. To function, or more precisely, semi-function as a relative “normal” person on the outside – the surface – while the inside is fighting proverbially tooth and nail, 24/7/365 against one’s self. Cause, seriously.. I’d been dead a long long time ago, if I didn’t fight myself every day.
To have yourself fighting to get the upper hand against yourself, as to kill you….
The illness KILLS… it fights you from the inside out and for many many of us, it KILLS. If not the spirit, the life itself and it’s a very lonely existence when you do not want to be a burden on family, friends or colleagues… when you know that if you partner up with someone, they’ll just run eventually…. a very lonely existence, indeed.
To those of you who are in pain and despair right now, I hear it and I know it well. I want to tell you that (although a little manic today) I am mostly in remission, and have been for several years. Keep trying different meds, different doctors and different therapists, and you *can* find your way out of the 24/7 fight against bipolar. I know it ain’t easy, and it took me maybe 7-8 years to get there, but I did. Yeah, I could slip back too; but having gotten to where I am, I know I can get back here again.
Although there are people who would socially reject us for having bipolar, there are others who do not. Isolating myself is a behaviour that originates from bipolar.
We need to actively work against that tendency to self-isolate. Or yes, we will be lonely – which is what the bipolar wants.
Thank you for the post. Last night i tried to descibe this feeling to someone most supportive of me. I dont do that often, and it was an awakening of how horrible i feel inside but dont show. The fear, the anxitey, all of it. Its there with people, but feels bearable. After, when i am alone, it often does not seem bearable. Seems like some other part of my mind is trying to take over, break me down with depression and suicidal ideations. Its a hard fight everyday. And to me especially hard at the end, when im left alone with my completly terrifing irration thoughts. Worst to me, is begging myself for the thoughts not to become actions. I am 31 bipolar, bpd, and have pmdd.
Help will be there? Nope. It’s gone. The psychiatrist and psychiatric nurse have decided I’m stable enough to be discharged totally into thecare of my family doctor, who is no expert in mental illness for sure! But I still have mood swings – just *mostly* not as extreme as they were, and I recover from them miuch more quickly than before. (I’m not sure if that is because, or in spite, of the Lamotrigine.) This is partly due to the fact that I’m better practiced now at avoiding the triggers; and so, while I was once walking on a tight rope, and easily knocked off balance, I now balance on a “brick wall”, so to speak. It’s not terra firma and I can still be knocked off it but it’s more stable that the “tight rope”. However, I do still fall and I can still fall deep – little things can still have that effect on. Otherwise, that’s all there is, that’s all that’s left.
Im alone I think my best friend is ny bipolar I was in a mania this weekend so Im crashing Lithium level was taken yesterday so we shall wait and see meanwhile Ill hold my friends hand and sit alone once again alone Im alone I deal better that way
I don’t have bipolar disorder, but I have depression, and your writing here really resonates with me.
I’ve only been reading it for a few weeks, but I really like it (as much as you can like something that talks about the painful and horrifying thing that is mental illness). It makes me feel less alone, and that is nearly a miracle. Thank you, I wish I could do as much for you as you have done for me.
Steve. I feel the same way u do about the isolation and it sucks
U can email me at notme1213@comcast.net and we can support eachother so
We can not feel so isolated
Thanks Cheryl obrien
New jersey
Hello, Natasha
Your blog speaks of me.
I am that person you describe. I just wish I could find someone like me so we would have something in common or maybe I just feel we could understand each other.
Sad truth I do like to isolate myself and be alone? It would be nice to have someone to go out once in a while. So I sit on the side lines and wait for a miracle to happen. I am also tired. I can’t be the person I want to be. I do work and that takes an emotional drain on me but also keeps me going at the same time.
Sometimes I really just want to pull the plug if you get my drift.
I await a miracle………………. They can happen?
Steve
I pray that God show that miracle to you and help you and cure you from this decease. I am not suffering from this decease but one of my son does and we never understood it for a long time. Forgive those who do not because they do not know about it and not because they do not want to know about it. God bless you and keep the last paragraph of this article in mind “The only thing to do, I think, is to step back and try to remember all those people who will be there, tomorrow. They’re not there right now, but they will be, just like they were before and just like they will be again. The only thing to do is to combat the loneliness with logic. And remember that while the bipolar may last forever, the feelings of loneliness won’t.” Take care Steve.
Hi I’m 26 and I feel your pain….your not alone as you see.
Hi Natasha. I am new to your blog but ever so grateful to have found it. Your writings are identical to my thoughts. Things I haven’t been able to share or communicate with anyone. No one can understand the loneliness and how it feel each and every day. Some days just making it through the day alive takes everything out of you. I’m blessed to have found your blog and to know I am not alone with my crazy thoughts. So thank you.
“From childhood’s hour I have not been. As others were, I have not seen. As others saw, I could not awaken. My heart to joy at the same tone. And all I loved, I loved alone.”
― Edgar Allan Poe
The relentless nature of bipolar is challenging. I tell my therapist it’s like living a lifetime of emotions in the course of a week.
Thank you, Natasha, I can so relate. Going through terrible angst and lonliness with my bipolar brain lately, and your words help me feel better. Sometimes my brain tells me I am a freak, to blame for all that I think. I know intellectually that it is my disorder talking, but still very hard to deal with. Thank you for helping me to feel not so alone :)
A powerful and emotive blog, Natasha. Thank you once again.