I know people are trying to help when they say to a person with bipolar, “God tests those he loves,” but, here’s the thing, it doesn’t help. It doesn’t help at all. All it makes me think is, “Is there some way I can make this god of yours hate me?”
Why “God Tests Those He Loves” with Bipolar Is So Upsetting
If I really thought some “god” guy did this to me, I’d be endlessly pissed. Like, seriously. I’d get PIs and bloodhounds and hackers and I’d search for this sadist all day. If I thought there was actually someone to blame, it would consume me.
Not only would it really piss me off thinking that someone did this to me, but I would be incredibly hurt. I would wonder what I had done to make some “god” guy single me out and “give me” bipolar disorder. And I guarantee that “love” would not be the conclusion I would come to.
God Tests Those He Loves with Bipolar Is Insulting
Like I said, I know these people are trying to help, but I have no idea why people who have certain belief systems feel it’s helpful to thrust these belief systems on others. No, I don’t believe in your god. No, I never will. And no, I’m not going to hell because of it.
And I’m incredibly insulted that people are trying to tie a bow around the most horrific thing that has ever happened to me. While I know that “looking on the bright side” can be beneficial and while I know that some people consider bipolar disorder a gift, I sure the hell don’t. I consider it a curse. And I’m incredibly insulted that some people are trying to wrap my curse in a bow. There is no “good side” to living a life in hell.
The Test of Bipolar from God
Bipolar is not a test, bipolar is a brain disorder. It’s like epilepsy. While those with epilepsy used to be thought of as being possessed by demons while in a seizure by those with certain belief systems, this is no truer than god bequeathing us bipolar disorder as some sort of test. We have come to understand and treat epilepsy as the brain disorder it is, and bipolar disorder is exactly that. Superstitions did not help people with epilepsy, and, in fact, harmed them, and superstitions don’t help people with bipolar disorder either.
If you believe bipolar disorder is a test from a god and this helps you, you are welcome to this belief. I’m not about telling people what to think. What I would say though, is keep it to yourself and others like you. I’m not about taking away your coping techniques but I am about not thrusting such personal beliefs on others. Leave those of us with different versions of a higher power (or no higher power) alone. We’re happy to do the same for you.
Banner image by Awara Rezhaw (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0], via Wikimedia Commons.
Interesting article and comments. I grew up in a Christian home but walked away from it after getting on my own but about 10 years ago came back to it, but it was different than before. Before it was trying to be “good” and follow the rules even though I didn’t really believe the message or really understand it. After an encounter with God, I started to believe and have a relationship with a Heavenly Father that I knew loved me. I’m confident that my changed heart and new faith is a gift from God and I gratefully accept it. I am afflicted with bipolar 2 and life can be quite miserable at times because of it. As much as I hate this illness, I also see it as my “thorn in the side” and know that it has only strengthened my hope in God over time. I am confident that the way things in this world aren’t right. We all know it. There’s sickness, suffering, death and evil all around us and in our very nature. The world is in a fallen state and no one can honestly deny it. God could have just walked away from his fallen creation or completely destroyed it, but he didn’t. He cared so much and loved so much that he sent his only Son to redeem and save. It was at great cost to himself and great suffering that God did this great thing. Those who believe are not guaranteed health and wealth in this life, but for those who persevere to the end, there will be salvation and eternal life. This life is but a blip on the radar compared to the eternity to come. Best wishes and blessings to all of you.
I find it odd that others offer me ”permission” to believe what I already do.
I definitely feel that there is a faint link between epilepsy and bipolar..
I totally believe with all my heart that there is a devil working feverishly in EVERY sick person-
AND his greatest feat is getting YOU to believe he doesn’t exist. The devil IS sickness itself…. ~surprise!
Whether it be bipolar, heart disease, brain cancer, MS, amputee, diabetes, lymphoma, blindness — on & on
No one is getting out of this world alive anyway,..
Satan Loves misery, don’t blame God. Satan wants us to rot and suffer. Insanity is his specialty.
It is no ”test” for us, to be given any illness to see if we remain steadfast believers..
but rather a test for Others who do not yet know sufferings, to see how they react to sick people around them.
Therein lies the rub..
I developed BPII in my early 40’s. When I believed that God and Jesus loved me, cared for me, listened to my prayers; all the usual tripe the preacher and blind sheep believers tell you. My symptoms kept getting worse, deepening and more prolonged depressive episodes, total inability to feel anything; except dead in side. All this in spite of one med cocktail after another. But I kept praying, trusting, God will help me. Yeah, he helped me alright. He helped my wife to leave me because she was tired of my symptoms. Helped me lose my job because I could not function. Helped my ex to take 1/2 my retirement. Helped me send my son to live with his mom because I could barely take care of myself. Helped me lose my house and helped me into bankruptcy. And because he was just testing me, he decided it would be a great time for my mom to die. I couldn’t take any more emotional or mental pain. Thoughts of suicide continually flooded my mind. I had prayed not to lose my wife, my job, house etc. No help there. Now I was praying for him to save my life.On my knees pleading and crying for hours. Nothing. No sense of his presence. No lightening of the load or any ease from the pain. Not a damn thing for the all loving, compassionate god who wants only good things for his children. If jesus “my friend” was around, he wasn’t walking with me or letting me know he was around. He was hiding in the bushes, laughing his ass off of what a ruin dad had made of my life and the pain he was giving me. What kind of sadistic, depraved earthly father would intentionally torment a child he “loves” like he did me? “Oh, but you can’t blame God,” You are right. I just woke up one day and thought “I wonder what is the most horrific way I can ruin my life?” And then I did it. Or Satan said “Hey God. See that guy down there who believes in and all that crap. I am going to destroy his life until he commits suicide.” And god said “Sure, go for it. I’ll just watch. This should be cool.” Why should we arrest parents that beat their kids half to death and put out cigarettes on their backs? God does far worse things than that to his kids. 100,000’s of his precious little ones starve every day. Thousands of kids die of cancer each year. All types of monstrously deformed babies are born each year. “There is a reason known only to god. Your mind cannot grasp his. He is infinitely good and you cannot judge what he does.” And that let’s him off the hook? If I smack ya in the nose and you say “Why did you do that?” I will just say “Because it was the right thing to do. Your mind cannot understand why I do the things I do. The reasons are known only to me.” Then we are good, right? God sounds like a sociopath defending the things he does. I tried suicide. Took enough narcotics to be lethal X 10 said my good doc. Heart stopped and they had to start it back up 10 times in 90 seconds. Some other nasty stuff went down. I was given a 3% chance to live through the night. If nobody would have prayed for me, I would still have been one of the lucky 3. If everybody in the world would have prayed for me to die, I’d still have been 1 out of the 3. Maybe the 97% that died just had the wrong people praying the wrong way? God answers prayers ya know. Just ask the big guys son “Ask anything in my name and it will be given unto you.” I’m still waiting on that chocolate shake I prayed for an hour ago. “God cares no more for the life of a man than he does for the life of an oyster.” David Hume
Thank you for this reply. You described where I was at right before I became an atheist… almost to a T. Take care and hang in there.
When my son wanted to translate the Bible from Greek to English so he could truly understand God’s word, I thought it was weird. Not what a 20 year old should be doing with his summer. I talked to him about it and he said “Mom, I don’t drink, smoke, do drugs. You have a problem with this?” He had a point.
Six years later he committed suicide. When we got into his computer we found that he thought God was sending him messages through Nissan Z sports cars.
I haven’t been to church since. I can’t sit and listen to God’s promises knowing what I know now. Strangely enough, I still believe in God. I’ve just stopped trying to figure anything out. It’s out of my hands and I just try to accept life as graciously as possible. There is nothing I can do anyway.
Mary Ann, I’m so sorry for your loss. I can totally relate. After being a Christian for almost 40 years, I stopped trying to figure things out about 7 years ago, at which time I thought about it, and came to the conclusion that sh** happens to everyone, “saved” or not. I’ve had so many problems, including “strange” illnesses that “God” didn’t heal me of, and I stopped believing altogether. But that’s just me. I’m much more at peace now than ever before. No more guilt. No more judgmental-ism. I wish you well.
No person on this earth does not go through turmoil from time to time…Its called life.. If you decide to do life without God the Father ,the Son and the Holy Spirit it is indeed your choice but boy…. are you missing out !
This world is so very far from perfect , as are its people. If this is all there was ,how very sad.
While here we experience little bits of hell but certainly also bits of heaven ,and it’s the heaven parts that keep me going , and the knowledge of eternity being Heaven. How awesome !
My faith is by Grace , not in my own strength .I hold on but sometimes my hand slips….Then He grasps it.
In my opinion at first place god has nothing to do with what has happened to us. It’s our karmas which caused all this miseries in our lives. Our past deeds are responsible for our present situation. All god can do is help us in this situation but one thing is sure he never gives pain to his children forget about bipolar
Amy, best wishes on the tests you’ll be facing – I hope it goes well.
Thank you. I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me. Phil 4:13
First of all, that is an Islamic quote. “Allah tests those who he loves.” If you are talking about the God of the Bible, that is a somewhat different story. Yes, God, Yaweh, tests us not to see how strong we are but for US to see how strong we are. The Bible says in the New Testament that God will not put on us more than we can bear. The God of the Bible did test his chosen people. When we are tested, our faith is refined like gold in a fire. The fire burns off all the impurities from the gold (us). The testing shows just how deep your faith is.
The one thing I love about God (you know, God, Jesus and Holy Spirit), is that He is going to be there with me when I am “tested”. He will walk with me the entire way. He just might chose to take you out of the test. I know that I can do all things through Jesus Christ who gives me strength. Phil. 4:13 WHATEVER it is, a test whether physical, mental or spiritual, I have the strength from God to handle it.
This weekend I will be “tested”. I just began a new med, Adderall for my ADHD and narcolepsy symptoms. I have been suffering for a long time with these two “tests”. Adderall has changed my life. Due to circumstances out of my control, I am going to run out of this medicine. I am afraid to go into this weekend for the simple fact that I will not be on those meds.
It is going to be difficult. My husband is used to the NEW me. I will probably go right back to the old me. Just put me in bed and pull the cover over my head and shut the door when you leave. But I shouldn’t do that! I need to gather up my supernatural strength and be ready to fight. After all, I have the God who commands legions of angels on my side.
What if I fall, you say? Have you heard of God’s grace? He has extended grace to me so many times for “falling” that I knew I had worn Him out. But God has an infinite supply of grace.
By the way in case anyone is intrested I’m now into Buddhism!
Also firmly believe too in reincarnation !
Yes I’m still on MY MEDS!!”
I chant,meditate,use crystals…..to try & achieve more peace in life.
Plus when possible,in early evenings take nature walks ( beautiful trail near my place)
Keep positive energy flowing not negative energy ! The only coping tool ever helped ME
LET IT BE……
Well spoken Natasha.
All of us were raised with different belief systems,just because I’m different ….
Doesn’t mean I will or should critique others on here ….
That’s wrong,end of.
Yes,it may indeed help them cope.
That’s great ( for them)
Of course bipolar isn’t demonic possession.
It’s chemical imbalance in ones brain as you ( & all my psychs explained)
There’s sure fire way to have issues with ppl speak of religion,or politics!!!!
Of which I just say NO COMMENT THANKS!
We all have free will to do that!
I reside in Canada,I’m unsure where most all ppl are from that comment/ post.
This will be it.
iPad needs a good charge.
Stay well Natasha
Yours in bipolar cyberspace Sandra
Tabby, thanks for adding your perspective. Do you remember the title of the “evangelical book” you mentioned that you read?
“Bipolar disorder is a test from a god.” I don’t know anyone whose ignorance would allow them to say that. I know people who are religious who believe in mercy and wouldn’t allow me the discomfort. Besides these same people avoid my verbal wrath and keep unconscionable comments to themselves. Crazy has its advantages~
Oh, all the god stuff in relation to Bipolar, it makes me boil. My sister, a ‘born again Christian’ was visibly shocked when I told her I was bipolar. And her explanation? God had given me bipolar disorder so that I would understand it and be able to help others with bipolar disorder …. Errr, god, if you wanted to help people with bipolar, wouldn’y it be a whole lot easier not to give it to them in the first place?
Me, I’m agnostic, but if when I die I find there’s a heaven and he’s there, I shall punch god on the nose for all the pain is caused
I’m interested to know your sources as I’ve never come across anybody saying that Bipolar Disorder has been given to them as a test.
Hello. I can speak from personal experience that a lot of christians believe and “teach” this as fact. Of course, this is SO WRONG.
Anything that is difficult could be considered adversarial or a “test”. The Apostle Paul in scripture had what he called a “thorn in his side”. He asked God to take it from him. God did not. It actually humbled Paul. 2 Cor. 12 In that same chapter God says my power is made perfect in weakness. Whether or not you believe that you are being tested, the fact still remains that God will walk with you every step of the way. Psalm 23
Hi Rachel-
I believe that it’s becoming more accepted that bipolar disorder and God are two unrelated things because I don’t hear it as much as I used to during my 20s and 30s, but in my 46 years, I have had many people say that to me, usually in the form of “God only gives you what you can handle” or worse, “God has given you a gift of creativity through bipolar disorder”, which really irritated me, because if I had to be hospitalized for it, which I did-5 times, and if I had to have a hysterectomy in the hopes the hormones from peri-menipause would settle and stop my rapid-cycling and suicidal impulses (it worked), that pretty much shows that I no, it’s no gift, and no, I can’t handle it.
Choosing to believe in God is an extremely difficult path to stay on. My therapist says we cannot know the mind of God. In addition, she says human are nothing like God, which explains why we’re constantly struggling to have faith and hope in the face of what happens on this broken planet. I’m wondering if belief in God helps a lot of people to cope with the symptoms of bipolar. If this is true, as I think it might be, then why not give it a go ? Is believing in God an unhealthy coping technique, particularly when it’s a personal relationship that hurts no one ?
Hi Elizabeth,
I think it depends on the person and possibly in which way they have been exposed (or not) to religion and other circumstances. My two sisters also have bipolar disorder, one less severe than I, and one has severe schizoaffective disorder. I am the oldest. Though we grew up with no religious training, my younger sisters found comfort in their respective religions (one is Lutheran, one is Pentacostal), but after 46 years of soul-searching, I am perfectly happy with my friends and family, my dogs and my gardens, and no God. :)
P.S. I don’t think believing in God is an uhealthy coping technique, since studies have shown that people with depression do better if they believe in a higher power.
Well.. I am a Christian. I’ve been one all me life and that is a long life. I am not a GOOD Christian, but a Christian all the same. I also have Bipolar and Epilepsy and a few other maladies squirreling about and within me.
I actually became quite suicidal not too many years ago when I read a passage in some evangelical’s book that God afflicts His children on purpose as to deepen their faith and reliance on him. We are to give up everything and anything to rely solely on Him to provide and direct. If we don’t; then he tests us and lays afflictions upon us and allows things to occur to see how we do….
BTW.. there are still some, within our society, who feel Mental Illness and Epilepsy are still “not biological”.
Now.. there is this NEW thing rolling about that nothing in our lives happen at random. Whatever happens is pre-ordained and determined. WE are the ones that muck it all up because we don’t believe enough… we don’t lean on Him enough… and that He accepts all things as equal and wonderful… which is odd and contradictory
You’ve been on this kick before… I get it… you do not believe and yet, you lash out to and upon those who do….
Won’t try to convert you… it’s not worth my effort.
The ones who may have said this to you; most likely did not mean it from a harsh black cold place. This is what they believe and likely felt it would assist.
It hasn’t and it doesn’t…. any more than it doesn’t help me. It doesn’t help me by the way… I struggle mightily with the pain of someone telling me that God purposefully hurts me and places things in my path to cripple me to see whether I’ll break or bend…. I’d really hate to think that He does
Just keep on keeping on…
neuro-science has made great strides over the last 75 years in regards to mental illness and epilepsy and yes, I am linking the 2…. my opinion is that mental illness and epilepsy are very much entwined in a bed of short-knowledge of how the organ, known as the brain, actually works or doesn’t…
many with mental illness have symptoms that manifest as seizures and many with seizures have long bouts of diagnosed mental illness symptoms (anxiety, depression, etc.)….
you’d think the 2 sciences would actually merge themselves and act in the better good of the whole…. but I’ve digressed and ran off the track…
ironically, ya know. Natasha.. you may be seen as a blessing to many.
To be one would mean that something higher than you has used you as a vessel or means to help those surrounding you that are suffering as you.
I know, too much there….
but still, there is a reason you have the rewards and awards for your blog that you do have… the opportunity to reach out to 100’s if not 1000’s in all the avenues that you have available….
not all with mental illness and/or epilepsy have this ability or have been given so many platforms to advocate for themselves and for those equally or moreso, suffering… ya know, to connect with so many suffering and to perhaps explain really what is happening and what further scientific strides or naturalistic strides are occurring to help alleviate or eradicate….
granted, you’ve worked very hard to get where you are in this social media world…. but “windows” have been opened and you’ve passed thru them…
I know… you don’t believe
Peace!
People say lots of things about God and they do not really think about what they are saying.
I will never try to convert someone to my belief in a God.
But, like you it pisses me off that they cannot use the brain they were given to realize the God they paint is not one anyone would wish to know.
He is angry, arrogant, and unloving and candor would make me admit like most of his so called followers.
I can tell you they do not see it.
They do believe they are being helpful, but the stubbornness of their religion gets in the way
Just as you have trouble reigning in your thoughts because of the bipolar they have trouble fixing their thoughts anywhere but what they have been taught all their lives.
I wish you well and sorry that people can be so unwilling to try and see another’s point of view.
Amen!
Natasha, this is one of the best articles by you that I’ve read up to this point. I was a christian for almost 40 years, and I was in bondage the whole time. That’s because I greatly suffered from GAD, and eventually bipolar. Nowadays, even believing in a god just complicates things. Back in the ’80s I did a lot of research on GAD and it being a physiological disorder. It’s amazing how I found out that Xanax, for example, fits like a puzzle piece in our brain. I’m no longer taking X, but my bipolar meds are working great. Thanks for the great article!
Disclaimer: If religion helps you, great, fantastic, I’m not trying to change anyone’s beliefs. This is just my personal, 46-year journey! Religion (Christianity) made me miserable for 40 years. I never really believed in it, even as a child I’d read Bible stories and think “What a crock!”, but at age 40, I gave myself permission to stop pretending like I believed and oh MAN, did my life change for the better! I no longer have the guilt associated with not going to church and not really believing, and I no longer feel forced to forgive everyone who treats me badly. I’d already sort of ghosted a few friends who insisted that “God only gives you what you can handle (same people tried to tell me it was my medications making me sick), and I had a couple of family members who I finally put at arms’ length (both were fervid Christians, both mentally ill and both skilled at gaslighting). My life has become much less stressful, and MUCH more peaceful. My husband and children have a happier wife and mother because I take care of myself now. I could go on, but suffice it to say, my being “born again” is the opposite of what many people think it should be. I’ve had more happiness in the past 6 years, than I had in the 40 years prior.
>>>I no longer have the guilt associated with not going to church and not really believing, and I no longer feel forced to forgive everyone who treats me badly.<<<
Ain't it nice? You took the words right out of my mouth. No more guilt and/or pressure to please a god. And I, also, am more at peace than I think I've ever been, short of when I was a kid. Heck, maybe even then.
It didn't help that I was "taught" by Christians that medicines are against faith, and that my illnesses are a result of me not paying enough tithe, or having a grudge against a "brother" or "sister", or maybe a hidden, unconfessed sin, etc, etc. That's enough to trigger a bout of depression all by itself! If there is a god, then I'll thank him for getting me out of religion.
I hope this doesn't offend any Christians, religious people, etc. I, also, think it's okay if religion is helping you.