Don’t get me wrong, most of the feedback I receive for writing the Bipolar Burble blog and elsewhere is positive. People, mostly, appreciate what I do and how I do it.
Nevertheless, some people, not so much. Today I received this regarding my writing:
I hope this individual kills herself for writing this bullshit.
Go fuck yourself you ugly bitch.
This comment never made it online, for obvious reasons, but as I’m the moderator, I see it nonetheless.
Intelligence and Bipolar Disorder
This comment was in regards to this post I wrote on the intelligence of people with bipolar disorder.
In the post, I point out that people with bipolar disorder are not, in fact, more intelligent than the average person and, actually, exhibit cognitive deficits. You can go read the post for details, but basically, people with bipolar disorder suffer from a variety of cognitive deficits which may factor into your definition of intelligence. (You’ll note that, in the article, each cognitive deficit contains a link to the source for the information. You’ll also note that I never said anything about creativity. It may be the case that people with bipolar disorder do show more creativity.)
And boy, do people take offence to that fact. There is this prevalent myth out there that people with bipolar disorder are somehow brilliant and that’s a good part of having bipolar disorder.
Um, no.
It’s Okay to Admit to the Disabilities that Come with Bipolar Disorder
Some people with bipolar disorder are brilliant and some are not – kind of like the rest of the population – and I don’t see anything wrong with saying so. I also don’t see anything wrong in admitting to cognitive deficits that have proven to exist. There’s nothing wrong with admitting to the negatives. There’s nothing wrong with admitting to the imperfections. There’s nothing wrong with admitting to the disabilities. It’s just part and parcel of having a sick brain. Why is it so wrong to claim the truth just because the truth isn’t what we would choose? And to will my suicide? Really? Seems a touch extreme.
But even if you don’t find yourself willing my death, you still may find that comments on our intelligence rub you the wrong way, and I understand that. But people, we need to get a handle on the truth because that’s the only way to successfully deal with it. If, for example, you note that memory is one of the things that is impaired (and it is) then you can take steps to counteract that, like, say, writing things down, entering appointments into your phone and so on. It’s not the end of the world to admit that you don’t remember things as well as other people. I mean, really.
People may argue that this gives other people more of a reason to discriminate against us. Well, that’s not my problem. If speaking the truth gives people an excuse to be small-minded bigots, then so be it.
The Truth about Bipolar Disorder Matters
But if we can’t admit to the truth, if we can’t deal with how things really are then we are no better than them. Because it is our job to stand up for what really is. It’s our job to stand up, claim the truth and force people to face it. And by running away or denying it, it diminishes us as a whole.
So, I certainly will not kill myself for writing about the verifiable facts. I certainly will not kill myself for saying things that are unpopular. I certainly will not kill myself simply because others have a problem with the truth. If anything, I will stand taller and I will yell louder. Because that’s just the kind of writer I am.
Yes indeed, correct again you are (Yoda). I would suspect that people with bipolar disorder fall along a bell curve for intelligence, just as people with any other illness fall along that bell curve. I’ve noticed with my illness that my memory is impaired, along with other cognitive functions. I would imagine my IQ has gone down (whatever IQ actually means, if anything!). So, it’s better to face the truth and adjust one’s life accordingly. Reduce pressure, live healthy, get sleep (all the usual good practices).
Is it wrong of me to think that my brain isn’t “sick?” I mean, it’s been dropped 45-feet, hammered by a crossing arm, abused by an evil parent for years, and it’s just “different,” not “sick.” Am I in denial, or are the differences in terms academic?
l feel my memory is impaired by all of my meds.
l am only a genius when l am mainc or hypomanic.
l think l am at least.
l am no better than the next person.
l feel bipolar is a curse that l have had to live with and endure.
l am almost 60 and have still not got the right medication combination.
lt is so incredibly hard
Hi Shelly,
Your memory can be impacted by your medications, but if you haven’t found a combination that’s helping your bipolar disorder, then it’s like the bipolar disorder itself that’s hurting your memory (this happens especially in depression).
It is so incredibly hard. You’ll get no argument from me there.
– Natasha Tracy
Thank you.
That’s all. Just wanted to say thank you for writing so honestly. I always appreciate your perspective. It helps me understand my own.
xoxo.
Bipolar is the new black. Everybody wants it because they want to be seen as mad geniuses. Paticularly movie stars and other famous people. It’s also an excuse for silly behaviour. For those of us who really have it . It is a crippling disease especially for people who hallucinate like hearing voices and seeing scary things that aren’t there like me.
I think people who are snobby about other people’s intelligence are dopes. Everyone is intelligent in their own way. Some people haven’t had the same opportunities than others. They have no money. People from ghettos and rural backwaters would probably get university degrees if they had been taught properly.
God created us in different ways on a large spectrum. They diagnosed me with bipolar and this medication makes me feel dumber than I was before i started taking it. I feel like the medicine they gave me brought me more problems. I just take it now because the way it affected my brain now my brain has to be treated. I used to be very bright smart all the character. Now i feel like i should just take my meds and keep my mouth shut. I hate what its done to me. Funny because in other countries they dont have such a thing as a mental illness. Its all about how we treat eachother.
I run my own business with around 50 employees. Most of the time is overwhelming with all the stress of answering. Decision making and demands of even normal situations that for me seem like an unclimbable mountain. At work I am mostly under control since I’ve learned to control myself of manic episodes such as firing people for a mistake or felling so bored that I don’t know how to start a task that I need to complete. At home I am mostly on the down side; lots of crying and guilt feeling that I am putting my family guru this roller coaster of my life. After all said, I would say I am more on the down side the the up side. Is there any advise as to what Meds should I ask my Dr for.? That would help me get some pep from these down episodes
HI Cesar,
You poor thing. You’re amazing. You run your own business and support your family, which is a pretty good achievment on it’s own. The fact that you have bipoIar makes you even more amazing. I think you need to ask for help from your family and friends. You are probably one of those stoic kinds that doesn’t ask for help and thinks they can just soldier on and get through it. Well you can’t. YOu need help.I am asuming your family love you. I’m sure they would want to support you.Don’t feel guilty. You haven’t done anything wrong. It is a real disease. It is not a weakness. It has taken me years to figure that out. I also feel bad about putting my family through it. I have four kids and a husband. I also thought that I should just pull myself together.
However luckily we live in the modern age and we have meds and we aren’t going to be burnt at the stake for being mental.
The meds that my doctor gave me are: Epiilm (4,400mg)( I have epilepsy as well so this drug also helps with that as well as another pure epileptic drug I take.) But with out epilepsy you probably only need 4,000. I also take zyprexa. I started on 10 but that doctor was rubbish and turned me into a fat zombie. So now I have a terrific doctor and he got me on to 5 mg. Eventually as you stabilize you can go down to 2.5. Something really crucial is exercise!!!! Before I was diagnosed i would have deep depression and feel like I’d fllen into a pit . I started running. It made a huge difference. It may be part of that fight or flight thing. I’m pretty lazy so when I don’t excercise I really feel the difference. It’s really worth it . It makes you feel a lot better also you will need to because the meds make you fat. I was slim before I started taking 10mg zyprexa. Now that I am on 2.5and excercise I am slim again. Also there are other health benefits.
Things to avoid: Booze, antidepressants which make you manic( it happened to me and put me in hospital) suicide. Think of your family and how it would effect them. That’s when you have to be super stoic.
Make time even though you are so busy to find something that makes you feel good. Something that interests you. I like to read and I paint.
Hang in there Cesar. You sound like an amazing man who cares very much about his family. Also what’s up with your doctor. Is he any good? He should be the one prescibing the drugs. Don’t be brave, tell him how you really feel or he won’t be able to help you. I wish you all the best.
Depakote will work to help ease your tension and relax at work. it’s a great drug and commonly used for Bi polar II.
It sounds like you just may be tiered when you get home from work and emotional from bottling up and controlling our natural ( manic) behavior. Think about it. Not only do we have to work hard, but we have to constantly be aware of our actions. It takes a lot of energy. it’s draining. So, I think if you deal with medication for your mania during the day, your “down side” will lighten in the evening leveling you which will translate into being tiered from work rather than depressed and it will lift emotions as well.
Depakote prove to be a wonder drug for me. It work within 3 days and took away that overwellming energy swirling inside me that got in the way of every thing I did. I didn’t know how manic I was and how much i continuously controlled it until after felt the results of Depakote . At any rate, Depakote lifted the tention. I think it may be a good first step for you.
By the way Cesar, you really sound like a together guy. You’re taking care of your family as a man should. You work hard and support them. At work you make sure you meet your challenges as hard as they may be. Never change and always stay as you are with a commitment to your work and to your family, in the end it will prove to be your best medicine.
Natasha,
I’m relatively new to the bipolar world (even though it seems I have been bipolar for years). I would agree with your original post…and disagree with it. I have always had a bit of a short-term memory problem but since I’ve started my mess it has become worse. It is a trade off I’m willing to make though.
Regarding overall intelligence, my option of my own intelligence often varies between “idiot” and “genius” while skewing more to the positive than negative. While I am smarter than the average bear – sometimes significantly so – it depends upon the situation, discussion, topic, etc. My wife is one of the smartest people I know and I’m blessed to have encountered a high number of them. She is an engineer with a PhD, her world is completely foreign to mine. However, when she says that I’m close to being a genius, I tend to believe her. I tend to think that “my genius” comes and goes and is not constant like hers or many others in the STEM world.
The question that remains to be seen is whether my brain function as related to intelligence is a matter of direct genetics (Dad + Mom) or a due to being bipolar. I tend to believe the former more than the latter for a variety of reasons.
Regardless, the fact that someone would react to your post with such vitriol is unacceptable. If we can’t talk about this with our peers, who CAN we talk about it with?
This took me for what seems like forever. I feel like I went through hell and back to just write. I’ve read so much and I connect with every single word everyone writes. I hate I cry I feel alone overwhelmed. I want to die but I don’t want to kill myself if that makes any sense. I don’t think I ever can make sense. I hate my disease…. Yes disease, rotten black shit inside me. I feel worry and sadness for my husband of 20 years. How he deals with me is so beyond me…. I guess Im pretty fucking lucky. I take my meds and still feel so broken. I feel alone… I think I said that. I see now I’m not alone, all these people here…. Thank God for finally finding a place I can turn to in some sort of way. Sometimes I think I will NEVER get out of my hole. I tend to cycle quickly or a lot. I’m out of control out of my mind. I’m a burden. No one sees my “true light “. I can feel happy be funny and I can be dark dangerous. I scare myself and I scare others. I’m confuses I think or maybe it’s my bipolarism. I have help from a good psychiatrist and psychologist but I feel I’m never better I work but am in constant danger of losing my job. I don’t know how I do it how the hell am I functioning. I need a hand here folks. I’m so sick and tired of being sad. A lot of times I long for my manic phase…I feel I do well, do a lot. I’ve been SO sad as of late. I feel unheard. Thank you all for this place and the chance to read and share.
To further acknowledge my comment below, I would like to apologize for sounding judgmental. Any writer should have their own voice. I certainly do not agree with the horrible comment that someone left you about killing yourself and do not wish to add any power to it. I actually happen to like your picture with the awesome hair color you rock. You are insightful, it’s just not my style nor belief system, and I challenge others to create their own as well. Look towards the more promising research, as it is always changing.
I think it is ironic that once again I ran into your blog and had a negative response to what you write. I honestly avoid you nowadays. It’s not just on this particular topic. it happens to be in anything I research about bipolar disorder and their goes Natasha writing about something as if she were shedding a positive, empathetic light on the subject, yet ends up sounding humorously pessimistic and blunt about things that may not necessarily even be true, but rather an opinionated voice that sadly, diagnosed bp individuals soak in when seeking guidance. Why is it that other reputable health sites have reason to believe what you are strongly opposing, such as the Daily RX where they published a study that stated, “These findings provide support for the hypothesis that exceptional intellectual ability is associated with bipolar disorder.” I’m beginning to feel that you are doing more harm then good when expressing your thoughts on a highly treatable illness. Let other writers inspire us to find a silver lining. The mind is an UNFATHOMIABLE organ. Who is to say that when someone is having a chemical imbalance, where neurons are being sparked in an “abnormal” way that it is not triggering an intelligence that the “normal” human race cannot comprehend nor is the subject when experiencing an episode; particularly during psychosis, when it may be hard to captivate all the genius fragment of thoughts, that if researched can make a hell of a good theory in an area of study. I’m not saying this is what I believe, but I much rather have this kind of opinion then downplaying my intelligence when I have no reason to believe that it has gone anywhere or is impaired in anyway. I have mood cycles that I treat with lamictal. Period.
“I will stand taller and yell louder, b/c that the kind of writer I am.”
You’re hilarious, and if I lived next you we’d be very good…maybe best friends. Here’s my take.
First of all, you’re a beautiful woman–your picture proves this. Secondly this ”bullshit’-kill yourself’ comment just had me laughing.
I almost ”know” who wrote it. Isn’t that crazy? Wel I am, so we can skip that part.
The person who wrote that isn’t necessarily bipolar so much, as she/he seems to belong to another distant sect of our collective illness. Let’s just say it’s a woman, just for arguments sake.
OH,—-is she Jealous!– She’s so effing jealous of your success, she could puke. SHE wants to be highly regarded, such as yourself. She want to have a Famous blog for bipolars b/c SHE knows more than YOU, and it looks like she thinks shes prettier, but knows she’s not. It’s eating her alive. You’re prettier, but who really cares?
She does.
Like calling you an ”ugly bitch” at this point in your life, is REALLY going to bother you! ha! Most people LOVE you much more than the measly few who might dislike you.
And the ”go kill yourelf”’ part–. please. Who do people like this think they’re talking too?
It’s just another post, reminding you just how really sick ”people” can be.
Actually, how really JEALOUS some people can be. Nothing in that remark could EVER bother me.
I know the insane world just a tad too much already.
xoxoxo rock on Natasha!
A lot of comments are made regarding mental disorders and IQ scores. My experience has been that, even though I’ve been this way since I was 8, I consistently scored 140-150 on any of the tests I took. Since I finally hit the skids a few months ago, I now sit somewhere just below average. The strange thing is, except for memory, I feel the same as I ever did.
I’ve been keeping a journal for the past several months, and as I read it, I find that I express myself completely differently depending on whether I’m manic, depressed, or just have the attention span of a housefly.
My reason for saying this is, don’t treat IQ, or any other testing framework, as a “definition” of you. Your ability to solve problems, and just plain live, can be hampered or enhanced, depending on how well your abilities are engaged with whatever you’re doing. Don’t let testing frameworks such as cognitive skills, be the only description of you. This is a complex illness, and the many comments people write on this blog reflect that. I try to remind myself of that when I need to, and whenever I find myself in one extreme or the other.
Bipolar disorder may interfere with cognitive abilities. Specifically, anxiety can and does both come with being Bipolar and serves to distract from cognitive tasks. By the way, since there’s no real operational definition of the word “intelligence” then the entire conversation is moot.
Amen to that! I am a highly functioning, graduate degree blah blah blah educated person and I find myself spaced out, forgetting things I don’t write down, and sometimes confused. Sometimes I also have trouble finding the words to express myself. Sometimes I am sharp as a tack and very keen in my perceptions. Other times I am a blubbering idiot in a cloud of fog, unable to focus (reading the same line over and over again and unable to understand it) , unable understand what someone is saying, or sometimes too impatient to listen and understand!
sorry you had to read such an awful comment. Anyone writing such abuse just shows themselves for what they are – pig ignorant. I think we do not display our true intelligence when depressed but we can be brilliant when we are in elevated mood. Certainly I remember much more and use higher level language when I am hypomanic or even just below that state. I have to say that at the moment I am on a Living with Bi-Polar Disorder course and every one of the participants is what I consider to be highly intelligent. The level of discourse demonstrates this and we have been told my the co-ordinator that ours is a ‘very intellectual group’. It is stimulating and very helpful. I hope some of your followers can benefit from such courses. The first one changed my life.
What works for me: when I am at my lowest and I envision myself putting that rope around my neck and in the after math, my ex saying to my daughter: “See, I told you the b…ch was crazy.” Hell no! I’m not gonna give him that satisfaction. I’m gonna keep on living and prove him wrong and I’m still here, EVERY DAY IM ALIVE IS A VICTORY!
Bloody hell., what a bastard. Don’t just survive. Get some help. Do stuff that you love to do and have some fun.
Most people simply don’t understand what it’s like to live with a mental / emotional condition that is crippling. And bipolar disorder and its attending symptoms of depression and anxiety can absolutely cripple us. If you’ve never felt the kind of depression that makes it impossible to get out of bed, you just don’t get it. It’s so easy to judge on the outside, and so hard to cope with on the inside.
It’s part of human nature to fear and attack things we don’t understand. We are tribal creatures with a basic us / them mentality. And mental health sufferers are still very much part of “them” in our “us” oriented society of “normal people.” Whatever that means.
Perfect response, Natasha, to this ugly type of criticism. Oh, and I’d also like to add, f**k them.
I can be a very sharp and extremely intelligent person most of the time. I am also an artist and a very creative individual. Sometimes I can do beautiful art. Also other times I can be slow, have panic attacks and be unable to finish any task, let alone do art or hold an quality conversation with another adult. It really depends of how low or severe my mood is. Sometimes being Bipolar can truly be a disability for me. I find nothing wrong in acknodledging that. And to be honest I still think you can be brilliant in many different ways and have cognitive deficiencies.
And Im truly sorry you had to read such a hateful, distasteful comment which was obviously made only to hurt your feelings.
I’ve only recently started following your blogs, but I have found them to be the most honest and factual out of many Bipolar and mental health blogs, support pages and organisation pages. Every piece has a personal account from experience, as well as being objective and stating all sides of each topic. No two people with Bipolar disorder experience the same things ever! And you brilliantly state that every time you post. I 100% agree with you on the need for Bipolar sufferers to face the difficulties that we all experience, that in many ways disable us physically, mentally & emotionally. I don’t see myself as a disabled person, but I’ve certainly felt disabled during specific peaks, lows and episodes. Are we all so brainwashed by society’s stigma on Bipolar that even the sufferers are prejudice? I mean, anyone diagnosed & receiving treatment surely understands it’s a mood disorder that inhibits cognitive response in the brain?
As for the narrow minded comment you received, I think those few words display the “disability” you’ve described. And fantastic response too. We could all take a leaf from you in the way we choose to respond to idiotic and downright dangerous comments or attacks.
Well done and I look forward to reading more from you!
I’m so sorry that someone said that. But so love your response. :) I would like to point out that one of the symptoms of a mood disorder can be inflated or grandiose ideas of self—definitely something I’ve struggled with. I am AMAZING and all the other humans are just not as driven, powerful, or have as good of ideas as I do. This has gotten me into so much trouble, burned so many bridges. I’m tired of thinking this way, because it turns out it’s not a good thing to have inflated views of yourself. In fact, it makes a lot of things very difficult, and in general is hard to live in a world where you have to face the fact that it is not true.
Thank you for your posts—they are such an encouragement to me!
Well said, Natasha! It is very unfortunate some sicko would write such a thing to you or anyone else for having an illness or disagreeing. I do have a good mind, and I also have many cognitive deficits, memory being one as you mentioned; I sometimes describe my memory as a sieve made out of sponge because some things get absorbed and stick while others just flow through the holes without slowing, and I seem to have little control over which is which. We take abuse for many things, and the last thing we need to do is abuse ourselves or each other because of how we are different.
I’m going through a really tough depressive phase stimulated by circumstance. I know some people out there will give the usual “stop being lazy” or “boot strap” comments for it, and that is their ignorance or projecting their own abilities onto someone else, which is foolish. I still know I can do some things well on my worst day that other people can do on their absolute worst day. Simple, mundane things can be more difficult than climbing Mount Everest wearing scuba gear with no oxygen tanks, and some difficult tasks very easy. I’m human. This is part of what that means.
Kudos to many of the comments I see as well. I have only read a few today, and they are positive. Sometimes when people get angry it means they are stuck thinking, and other times it simply is a sign that they are afraid to challenge themselves.
Keep up the good work! :) Even if we don’t always agree. LOL
I took a few online IQ tests because I felt that I wasn’t quite making the connections I should be and was feeling, well, cognitively challenged. I scored an average. I am not “brilliant”, I have my moments. I USED to be very creative, until I required med’s to function and unfortunately, my creativity has gone away for the most part as well. But I agree – having a Bipolar Disorder does not preclude one from being of average intelligence, having cognitive issues OR from being brilliant – or anywhere in between. Shame on the person who would use such destructive and lowbrow, nasty language as “go kill yourself…” Perhaps it is a result of symptoms the person is experiencing, though.
I don’t know you personally, but I’m guessing this isn’t the first insult you have ever encountered-and won’t be the last.
In my opinion it is much ado about nothing. I don’t care -who calls me what. Pretty–ugly? (Let’s see a picture of you cupcake.)
My first inclination was that a bipolar or non-bipolar joker was trolling around here, and he/she just felt like insulting you and your looks. Mouth rage. Your skin is tougher than those pathetic, mindless comments. They’re only words.
I guess you made the point, that all of us are subject to ridicule, but more so that mental illness can be cruel, outspokenly rude and may often arrive ingonito. Many hidden bipolars, or garden variety sick people, are all around us, and know that something is ‘wrong’ w/ them, but choose to either self medicate, or do nothing about their ‘crazy’ symptoms.
And we get the residue.
You are beautiful, articulate, and very kind. You have made it your business to inform us, and to let others join in, to tell their own stories. Thank you for that.
Words, can and do- make one ugly. Many an other wise attractive person, can open their mouth, and become an ugly sore. And here we are, givng this pig air time.
I luck out with being told to kill myself because I only get manic and the only time suicide is a possible risk is when the lack of sleep from being possessed, like the Dark Phoenix. Everything gushes out and then I start hearing everyone I said anything with FBI agents screaming through the wall. I have high intelligence and little to no creativity. I grew up learning German and English and then Farsi at age 8 and since have learned Spanish, Italian and French. Drawing or painting is of no interest to me.
My mania is seasonal and lasts between the summer and a couple years, if I get black market antidepressants or cocaine. I am also severely hyperactive and take dexedrine at a high dose and those will make me sleeo.
I guess a negative aspect of creativity in respect to mania is probably present without mania. I think I have some leftover manic issues that manifest themselves in a narcissistic PD fashion. I have the guilt, shame and empathy and am secure with myself but if someone really starts a potentially life damaging conflict with their bullying or personality disorder based callous behavior, I become unbearable to them, literally terrorize the hell out of them, worse than they can imagine to me. Counter bullying is no better than bullying but I have gotten some toxic people that way. I have also had my reputation ruined because narcissistic and borderline personality sufferers tend to get some sort of satisfaction out of ruining other peoples lives with their threats, games, lies… etc
Just read your article on intelligence & it’s really good. I wasn’t surprised a all to find there were cognitive problems with memory. I’ve noticed them myself as I grow older with this disease. Glad there’s research out there to verify what I already new.
I’ve read a few of your posts with mixed feelings. Iv’e suffered from depression for years and about a year ago I had my first “manic” episode where I believed I had gained divine insights from the universe and now had “awakened” to the truth of my existence – so I checked my self into therapy and my psychologist after the second session said I might be bipolar. But after many hours of therapy she concluded I seem to be mentally sound but show signs of anxiety and depression. But her solution was to put me on some sort of medication which I have refused. But since then I’ve done a lot of introspection and trying to really understand what is happening when I swing from a low to a high. And I would explain “bipolar” as a form of anxiety, where the sufferer spends most of their life with intrusive negative thoughts, which is like a heavy weight which causes an obscured version of reality, and then occasionally have a window period of clarity, where they are free from that hold of negative thoughts, and have a rush of creativity, extreme emotions and high functioning mental capacity to grasp complex ideas – only to crash again into depression. So I don’t see bipolar as an illness, only if you don’t understand what is happening, then you’ll label yourself as sick. But if you see that your mind is incredibly powerful, and in those moments of not having the weight of your ego, your negative thinking suppressing your true potential – then you will see it’s all about controlling thoughts. Medication just doesn’t work, unless you are ready to face the CAUSE of your negative thinking. Once you address this, the highs and lows will become less, and you’ll be more of your true self, and true happiness. Without the drugs, without the therapy. It’s all about introspection. So if you think you are bipolar, and the next time you feel “manic” pay attention to how your thoughts are working, pay attention to how your thoughts working during a depressive phase, and find that root cause of these thoughts, and let it go. You create your own reality, so don’t believe you are sick, see that you are fighting your own thoughts and learn that you are in control and it’s your responsibility to fix your own mind. Don’t let your mind run wild, learn to practice mindfulness. And just know that this is a learning experience to grow and find true happiness.
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
“medication doesn’t work”–yes it does. It doen’t CURE but it can work–or help.
hmmm causes of our negative feelings? Got a few years? Or..wanna check my endorpphin levels out?
”you create your own reality” No, we don’t. it’s what actually goes on in our sober lives that creates reality,
and how we each see things differently.
“I don’t see bipolar as an illness”.”it’s all about controlling thought’s”
I suggest you look into schizophrenia, grandiose thinking or borderline personality disorder, or the life of Houdini.
And obviously, you’ve never been manic. “pay attention to your thought’s”
Can’t. Too fast for me to catch or remember them. whizzzzzzzzz
Thank you for writing about this unfortunate disorder. I am with my husband that is bipolar for 23 years. After numerous hospitalizations and the highs and lows of dealing with his illness, i have finally decided to have him leave the marital home. He used to be this powerhouse of a man. Outgoing , smart, funny, explosive, abusive etc. all the dynamics a bipolar person suffers from. We have an autistic son that i am basically raising myself. My husband no longer has the manic end of bolar but struggles with endless depression. I do it all, the cleaning, cooking, I work and take care of my son, while he lies in bed. I hate how he manipulates me. I have finally decided to break free from HIS illness. If I stay, he will continue to break me down. I lost the man I married years ago. Although I dont miss the volatility, i hate living with the depression. For all those out there that compare this do a medical condition that is curable, they have no clue how bipolar ruins everyone around the person that has it. It took so many years to get to this point. I never would have even thought about leaving him 6 years ago. I am suffering. I am losing myself in his sickness. It is my choice to break frree from this quicksand I am sinking in. I must do it for my sanity and to be an even better parent for my son.
Natasha, you know that 99.9999% of us love you. That other whatever % is just nuts.
Keep in mind that research findings do several things – it can state a result, disprove a result, or open up a discussion. I read some of the links (btw, some of them no longer work), and it says that some bp folks suffer from cognitive dysfunction, some worse than others. But this does not necessarily mean you are less intelligent because of it, nor does this confirm whether it is due to medication or not. Overall, these findings can get therapists and pdocs thinking about how to help patients deal with these deficits.
Personally, I don’t find this offensive. It is worse to believe that lapses of memory is due to who you are as opposed to an illness. I’ve read several books about living with bipolar, and these deficits are also noted in the books, and how to deal with them and it has been helpful. I also know that I have strengths in areas that others don’t.
Finally, if the info in this blog is not helpful to you, there are many others that will be. I don’t necessarily agree with everything Natasha says, but some of the info is good. Educate yourself with as many sources as possible.
Hey Natasha,
So sorry to see you have been on the receiving end of somebody’s episode! I hope they feel better, and I hope it didn’t send you into any dark waters.
That said, I realize that it is hard to hear that we are cognitively dysfunctional as a whole- Really, it is bad enough that we are impaired at such a fundamental emotional level, and now on top of that they are taking our intelligence away to!
Obviously, the ‘they’ is impersonal, really the only thing changing is our own perception of our intelligence. All the same, it hurts quite keenly, particularly for those of us who consider intelligence one of our redeeming qualities. We’re wildly different, with various strengths and weaknesses. You, for example, write beautifully, while others can paint vividly or string out their emotions upon sound waves. So for somebody who is clawing onto any self-worth they can, having it demonstrated that they have no reason to believe themselves particularly intelligent, on top of being less effective, more likely to hurt those they love… well, it isn’t hard to see where the pain that sparked that comment came from.
For me, I don’t know what I have left to be proud of. Not really depressed enough right now to hate myself or anything, but I certainly feel something has been taken from me by reading this blog. I’m not sure I’m in any better a position to understand my illness now either…
Farewell
Stormgoat Battlebeard
Hi i feel so sad, hearing you have a sense of loss. The way we measure and define intelligence is always changing. Standardised tests of cognitive function are hopelessly inadequate to capture our brilliant brains. Think of your stereotypical absent minded professor. He is brilliant but would fail tests of memory and other cognitive functions. It is not possible to say that because someone is experiencing cognitive problems that means they are less intelligent. Natasha has defined intelligence very narrowly here.
Yesterday was the first day of reading/ devouring your site and actually listening in a way I have never done being there is so much babble out there with PEOPLE WHO KNOW about Bi-polar. I read and read and last night was the calmest night I have had in months. Still pretty bad every so often but calm compared to what I am used to. I am calm today. I asked my wife to read some of your blog posts about issues that after years she still doesn’t quite understand. She got it loud and clear. Interesting. I was calm and she got ill. It finally sunk in and I talked to her today about issues that we used to fight about. I kept on saying “You just dont understand”. I thank you with all my heart for your words and whats behind those words. I live another day feeling that I am not a liar or making things up. Bless you.
The truth NEEDS to be told! Please never stop being honest. I have learned so much about my husband’s bipolar disorder through reading your writing. At times it has been a comfort, and at other times it has been a sad dash of reality. In the end, though, it is the reality that speaks the loudest. To know that he is not alone in what he is experiencing and to see that others can lead productive, happy lives is ultimately a comfort as well. We can’t end the stigma if we continue to cover up the truth. Part of what my husband experiences is serious lapses in memory. He is judged for that, but as friends and family start to understand that it is part of the disorder, we have been able to help him to compensate and to handle this. I have also learned to tell that my husband’s medication is off or he is becoming symptomatic again by the way his memory works. Again, important information. Don’t ever stop sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly of this disorder. It may not be pleasant, but the truth is our only weapon to true understanding.
Hi Natasha just wanted to say Well Done to your well written article and info on BIPOLAR. I came on to just say how much I admire your STAND for Bipolar and helping bring Awareness to others . Keep up the Great work you are doing and to Vile ATTACKS you receive shows how ignorant and low intelligence many Bullys suffer with. I to have had the same in my FIGHT for Justice and CHANGES to our so called SYSTEM in STOPPING CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE and LOSS of any more INNOCENT CHILDREN by these MONSTERS allowed to keep Walking our Streets. This is in Honour of my DAUGHTER who took her LIFE last year due to her ABUSE and LACK OF JUSTICE AND SUPPORT. AND then to be BULLIED Emotionally into SUICIDING. So many THANKS to YOU and what you STAND UP FOR. Valuable CREDIT for Others.
Hi Natasha, while it’s unfortunate you received the comment, I think you’re in a better place than most people to appreciate the many factors that may have been behind it, including the possibility of the commenter suffering from an illness.
I only skimmed the original article, but I didn’t notice it talk about intelligence of different populations as a range. So e.g. if intelligence followed a normal distribution, and you plotted the intelligence of a bipolar population vs. a non-bipolar population, you’d have the curve shifted to the left. But still, that doesn’t say anything about a particular person’s intelligence, bipolar or otherwise.
You then did a great job of covering the various deficits that would explain why the curve is shifted.
I could see why some people could get their back up a bit if they read it as “all people with bipolar have less intelligence than all people without bipolar”.
Keep up the great writing!
I do not hesitate to censor abusive hate speech on my FB page. Whatever you have to say can be expressed in non-abusive language and ad hominem attacks shouldn’t be tolerated. Common decency demands it, and everybody knows what is respectful and what is not. The Internet does not have to be a cesspool of hatred and disrespect in the name of “free speech.”
About the cognitive deficits: I think it is difficult for some people to accept the reality of cognitive deficits because they clearly remember a time when they did not have them, Their illness had a definite point of onset (unlike mine). ….And it often seems that the cognitive problems result from meds, not from the disorder itself. Also, aging is a factor in cognitive functioning. Overall, it’s a complicated picture, with multiple causes, and since your article did not cover those other factors, it got misinterpreted by some people.
Your blog is ALWAYS informative, extremely well researched, well written and respectful of different points of view. It’s not too much to ask your readers to be too. Thanks for setting a standard.
So sad :(
I have been BP since it was referred to as melancholia. I am also gifted and use those gifts to live with my condition – they are not a cure, just a gentle enjoyable distraction. In my opinion there is no cure, only chemical crutches that get some people through the day. I still think a proper joint is a good solution, but I’m sure you won’t print that. Anything that makes you feel good and is not a felony should be acceptable medication. I write with tongue in cheek, you can take this seriously or not. However don’t take your person to seriously, its not worth the pain. Please to try love. If you have the inclination share the love. Give people a reason to smile, not apologize.
I am sorry that you received this kind of a comment. Nobody deserves an abusive message like that. I am really glad that you moderate your comments. Comments like that are disrespectful and distracting and should not be allowed on a blog that you spend so much time working on. Your blog helps a lot of people. Thanks for taking so much of your time to help others.
\yours is one of the bp blogs to which I refer others and which I use myself as an excellent source of information. You have helped me by being a reliable source of information and your English is exceptionally clear and readable by a global subscribers. If the C4 protect happens I will if asked cite this site as one of my primary sources of information about the reality of the whole manic depression spectrum.
Keep up the good work for as long as you are able and still enjoy doing it :)
I hope that your recent abuser is aware that the is essentially no anonymity on the internet. identifying and locating the source of any internet transaction. Surely none is so dumb(US usage) that s/he is not traceable?
With continuing, gratitude and respect,
David
As an aside, if we want all the truth you do know that all comments should be allowed and not wait for moderation. The good bad and ugly is what social media is about. Social media 101.
I don’t know…I am all for free speech, but some people use these comments section to spew their hate and rage, or worse – myths and misconceptions.
If you have the means, moderate away! I liken hate comments to virtual graffiti. If there is no art to it, it just trashes the neighborhood.
Finally a blog post that I truly appreciate. I was very intelligent. Some people still think I am, but I know better . My COGNITIVE defects are really disturbing. Getting worse. People post about how they love the mania part because they become so artistic, etc. I say bullshit. Get me out of hell. I will learn to paint some other time. I can go on and on. Many of us are kidding ourselves maybe to just make the day better. I am co-morbid with anxiety. BP has destroyed my life and my family, my finances and my future. What future. A future living like this? Give me my past back. I am disabled, and cry every day. For some it seems like having BP is a badge of courage. For me its all about surviving the next days horror. Mania for me is just a better depressive day and we talk about medications as if they were candy in a store. Lets face it. We are in trouble. The medications alone are destroying us. Yes, Mrs. Smith, we finally got the right medicine cocktail for your husband and he did well for 2 days but now he died of renal failure as a result. Give me a break. I wish the best to those who are in denial mode. I dont embrace BP for all the good (yeah right) , It embraces me. AN article worth reading over and over with your loved one, if you have one.
Just wanted to say how grateful I am for all the work that you do. Keep it up, and please don’t EVER commit suicide because we need you!!
This is disgusting trash!
Verbal abuse?
Due to an informative article,to a woman whose BP,plus gifted writer?
Wtf??????
Yes,absolute utter rubbish!
I’ve been abused..it hurts & breeds negative energy,I hope you can not ( so hard to do) let it effect your health or work…I must say,I’ve had a almost identical verbal abuse story,but the abuser was a physiscian….
Best wishes,:) try start the day over again! Ciao..hugs.
I went to see Dr. Kay Jamison talk this past year, and she stated that there was a higher incidence of bipolar in people with certain types of intelligence and participating in fields we consider “creative,” however this also held true for 1st degree relatives. And I think her point was that while bipolar itself was not adaptive, that people who have the full blown disease are not functioning well- whatever intelligence- but that having some of these genes around at the population level, such as in relatives, may be a good thing.
Tracy: The voice of reason is often attacked from both sides. It has been noted by many observers that we live in a time of uncommon incivility. For the last couple of hundred years educated people have gone to great lengths to promote common discourse by observing some rules, like not resorting to vulgarity and invective because someone has a view with which you disagree. It makes good sense to use restraint in attacking others in the hope that they will do the same in return. It also make good sense to use restraint in the hope that it will lead to more people participating in the conversation which may lead to actually hearing something useful. Keep up the good work and may the critics hoist themselves by their own petards.
Dear Natasha,
I apologize. Lack of sleep is catching up to me.
I happened to see someone post a comment and addressed “Tracy” and I simply was careless, tired and mistakenly took that name knowing “Tracy” was your name only your last and not the first name.
This incident kind of reminds me of the comedian Achmed Achmed who got thrown of the plane twice.
I apologize too for my email address error. Thanks for bringing that to my attention too. I shall try to be more attentive in the future and comment when more awake.
Anyway, you do an outstanding service, in my opinion, so continue your good work and pay no heed to the garbage.
Sincerely,
Herb
http://www.vnstherapy-herb.blogspot.com
http://vnstherapy.wordpress.com/
“Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed: everything else is public relations.” ― George Orwell
Keep up the good work.
Brian,
That is just the _best_ quote. Thanks.
– Natasha Tracy
I’m sorry you were the recipient of such trash. Thank you for doing what you do.
The person who wrote those things may just be a crummy person. Nothing more than that!
Since my son’s suicide I have read every one of your blogs. They have helped me understand what my son may have been dealing with that lead him to his decision. Must have been way beyond dreadful for him.
Thank you so much for opening your heart up and sharing with us. Sometimes it must be very personal and very difficult for you. It is very much appreciated though.
It’s great how you take something ugly and turn it into something brilliant.
I personally don’t see what the problem is with a person having a few cognitive deficits. After all, people deliberately drink to get themselves in a state of cognitive stupor.
And so what if it takes me an extra couple of minutes to find my keys? Does it make me less loveable?
Natasha, I am so sorry you were the recipient of that crap. We all are so blessed to have your insights into this disorder. <3
Well they could have said “I disagree” or even “I strongly disagree” that would have done, and some thoughts to back it up as well would have been nice.
I like your stuff and read it regularly, some of it I agree with some I don’t. But I don’t find the need to urge your early self induced demise. Maybe we can guess the person was high or low or drunk or something , or even anti-psychiatric. Its fair to assume they were angry so maybe they deserve pity because being that angry all day long is a sh*t place to be.
As to the article, that’s interesting and I haven’t read anything that addresses the problem of cognitive dysfunction so succinctly. I’m fairly intelligent (although that has reduced) but my father is intelligent , a civil engineer no less but I don’t inherit the bipolar history from him. So I’m intelligent anyway. I have problems speaking quite often, I claw for words that used to come fluently. My short term memory is crap and I have to leave notes in my diary and make other adjustments like putting my daughter’s uniform and satchel in exactly the same place in preparation for morning otherwise I’ll forget where they are. There are patches of the history of my marriage that I just do not recall at all though I often pretend to and my attention span is a lot shorter than it used to be. I don’t know the complete cause of these problems, is it medication? my history of drug and mainly alcohol abuse? or as my psychiatrist suggested the result of prolonged untreated bipolar episodes. Either way I’m quite sure I couldn’t crack the degree I obtained 20 years ago if I attempted it now. To be honest I had actually accepted the myth of bipolar super intelligence. Now I can say I am clever in my own right.
However I’m still open to the hypothesis that bipolar gives creativity as a side effect or even a capability to do more stuff quicker , I don’t know. But I haven’t as yet seen any argument beyond “well Beethoven and Van Gogh had it so…”
But even if I’m left with at worst “mmm yeah maybe” after reading your article I wouldn’t even wish getting short changed upon you for it.
And no you’re not ugly – they got that wrong too
People can be cruel, way to brush off the harsh words. I’ve never gotten anything harsh like that on my blog, but I’m small time stuff. I’m anxiously awaiting your bipolar and creativity post, lol. I always thought those with bipolar disorder were usually more intellectual, and my anecdotal evidence supports that. Those I know with it, including myself are quite bright, but statistics (usually) beat out anecdotal evidence. I didn’t check your sources (don’t have time at the moment), but it was a decent read. Nothing in there struck me as needing to create a comment like that anyway.
Hi all,
Herb – no problem with the link but please don’t post your email address.
All – it’s actually Natasha.
Thanks.
– Natasha Tracy
Dear Tracy,
I’m truly sorry you have to endure such disrespectful comments such as those you posted. Welcome to the sometimes wacky world of blogging and the often dysfunctional remarks of those lacking self-control and/or the ability to respectfully respond with a differing position.
Anyway, I appreciated your writings for a number of years now and I hope you continue in the same vain without taking those kinds of remarks to heart. They are hurtful but do understand from where they come and in many instances anonymously.
I do want to share with you and yours readers, especially those here in the U.S., a major victory I’ve just recently accomplished after 4 months 24/7 advocating for all VNS patients implanted for depression before May 4, 2007. I’ve been able to finally obtain assistance in securing health insurance coverage for these patients.
I hope you don’t mind me sharing a link to the information:
http://www.vnstherapy-herb.blogspot.com/2013/09/vns-therapy-for-depression-good-news.html
Please continue your outstanding blogging, advocating and sharing of information. No one tackles difficult subject matter like you, in my opinion.
Sincerely,
Herb
http://www.vnstherapy-herb.blogspot.com
http://vnstherapy.wordpress.com/
Tracy
That’s like the myth that brilliance is somehow close to insanity. I am troubled by a trend I see more often lately; people who spew hate if you don’t conform to their ideas. Its rather like road rage on the internet (cyber rage?) and its really sad to see how extreme people get merely because you have an opinion. I had a guy attack me on Twitter because I took a stand against domestic violence! I think its a sign we are making a difference. You are. Keep up your valuable and great work!
As usual, a very well written, informative article. I agree that bipolar disorder does cause impairment in mental processing, but (even though I’m not bipolar) I contend that there is some benefit other than creativity. Perhaps it’s the ability to think “outside the box”, which may be construed as creative. Either way, thank you, Tracy, for putting yourself in the line of fire in order to help others. Yours is the most comprehensive, informative source of information I’ve found for bipolar disorder. While doctors are great, it’s not the same as living it first hand. Your intelligence and experiences that you share have been a great source of inspiration and help for many of us. Thanks again!