I think it’s important to mourn a life with a disability like bipolar disorder. Not everyone with bipolar disorder is disabled, of course, there is a range of functionalities associated with bipolar disorder, but for those for whom it is a disability, mourning it is part of the bipolar diagnosis acceptance process. Unfortunately, this is rarely focused on or even discussed by healthcare professionals. This doesn’t make it unimportant, however. I believe mourning a bipolar disability is actually something that can improve one’s mental health.

Mourning Is Normal

It’s normal to mourn a major loss in life. This is accepted in some instances like that of a death, but is overlooked in other major losses. We seem to focus on “moving on” and “focusing on the positive” and don’t recognize that those things aren’t necessarily possible without a grieving, mourning stage.

Bipolar as a Disability

I have bipolar disorder and I am disabled by bipolar disorder. This is a truism. It’s not that I don’t try to improve — I try every day. But after many years I can say that my functioning is severely lacking and improvement may or may not be in the cards for me. It’s a long-term bipolar disability that I’m looking at. I’m looking at a life that has been and will be drastically altered by a serious mental illness. My goals, my dreams, my everyday existence is hampered by an illness that just won’t leave.

In some ways, this is worse than a death. It’s like experiencing a death every day. It’s waking up and discovering that part of your life is gone, every day. At least when dealing with a death, you eventually get back to normal. At least when dealing with a death, that pain eventually transforms. My pain is there every. single. day. I have to fight pain every. single. day. Looking at a life of that is almost unfathomable. Looking at a life of that would make anyone depressed — you know, if the illness didn’t already do that.

Think it’s not the same as a physical disability like being paraplegic? I beg to differ. When you lose the use of two limbs, everything in your world changes. Your goals, your dreams and your every day are altered. You lose part of you. You lose part of what you were expecting out of life. If you were to mourn that, people would understand. And that’s exactly what I face every day; and there are no accommodations like elevators in multi-floor buildings that make it a whit better.

How to Mourn a Bipolar Disability

If you’re disabled by bipolar, mourning it is reasonable and natural. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t feel what you’re feeling and you can’t process it in the way that makes sense for you. If mourning is a part of your process, I suggest you embrace it so that you can work through it. Ignoring it will just make that grief grow in the dark.

Tips for mourning a bipolar disability:

  • Admit that you need to mourn. It’s okay to admit this. It’s okay to do this. Seek out people who will support you during this time and not judge your bipolar disability.
  • Make time and space for mourning. Mourning won’t last forever, but it will take time. The longer you ignore it, the longer it will stick around.
  • Learn about the mourning, grieving process. The traditional wisdom is that there are five steps (denial, bargaining, anger, sadness, acceptance) to getting to acceptance, so don’t be surprised if you experience them, but you may find your own way with a different number.
  • Contact a therapist for additional help. While mourning is normal, that doesn’t make it easy. Sometimes you may need professional support to get through the process.

And remember, going through a bipolar disability mourning process doesn’t make you deficient, doesn’t make you be a person who “focuses on the negative” and doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. It just means you’re a human being mourning a huge loss. Welcome to the club.