The holidays are here. I know; it seems like they shouldn’t be; but all the inflatable snowmen, tacky garland and lit icicles cannot be denied – it’s holiday time.
Many of us dread the holidays, and even those who don’t can find it difficult to stay even-keeled throughout. Mood shifts are all too common this time of year and many people spend the New Year looking for ways to get back from mania (or hypomania) or depression.
So here’s my guide to staying sane, or at least dealing with bipolar, during the holidays.
Guide to Surviving the Holidays with Bipolar Disorder
1. Maintain your schedule.
If there were one thing I wish I could force people with bipolar to do it would be to keep a schedule. And, if I could, I’d force them to keep it over the holidays. In my experience, living without a schedule is just begging bipolar to come and hit you with a crazy stick. So please, please, make maintaining your schedule a priority during the holidays.
2. Take your medications as prescribed.
Part of that schedule is taking your medications. Make sure you have extra alarms or other reminders set up that will ensure you take your medications even when the holidays become very hectic.
3. Get enough sleep.
This, of course, is also part of routine, but if there is one part of the routine I think is key it is sleep. Sleep the same hours and even more if you need to rest because the holidays are so wearing emotionally.
4. Maintain your coping strategies.
If you have found things that keep your bipolar even throughout the year, now is not the time to abandon them. Now is the time to ensure you keep up with them. They are what is going to save you from a bipolar New Year.
5. Do not drink (or do drugs).
I know, people hate hearing this, and to be fair, some people can have one drink, once in a while and be OK, but the best rule is not to drink at all. Consider whether you would you consider a glass of wine with dinner worth the risk of a bipolar mood shift. It isn’t.
6. Plan time away from the bustle.
The holidays are a time of togetherness and merriment but too much of a good thing is rarely good so plan time to rest and relax between events. This can help you center before heading out into the holiday hustle again.
7. Maintain reasonable holiday expectations.
The holidays are not perfect so get over the notion that they ever could be. Accept your holiday and your family for what and who it is. Life doesn’t turn into a Norman Rockwell painting just because it’s December.
8. If something happens with your bipolar, talk to your doctor immediately.
And if, in spite of your best efforts, your bipolar flares up anyway, see a doctor as soon as possible. You may be able to head a mood shift off at the pass but not if you ignore it. Ignoring a bipolar flare up is more likely to land you at the hospital’s New Year’s Eve party.
De-stress to Keep Bipolar at Bay
And overall, just try not to stress about the holidays. Understand that your uncle Fred is going to get drunk and make an ass of himself. Understand that a moody teenager is going to sulk all through Christmas Eve. Understand that sometimes turkeys burn. None of this is something to be stressed about. Just breathe and accept what is happening. It’s all par for the course. You might want to practice yoga or meditate during this time to keep your bipolar centered.
And remember: You’ve made it through many, many holiday seasons and you’ll make it through this one too. Do your best to stay sane during the holidays with bipolar disorder and know that if worst comes to worst, you can always bow out or spend some time lying on the couch watching Cake Boss reruns.
The Golden Rule for Surviving the Holidays with Bipolar Disorder
Make mental health your priority. Eggnog, tinsel, presents, carols and gatherings just aren’t as important, as without your health, you can’t enjoy any of it.
Yes, I’m aware that the pictures aren’t super-related, but people love pet pictures. And spending time with pets isn’t such a bad coping strategy either.
I just put on my plastic face.. I suffer from fibromyalgia, so its very hard.. Daily im in pain and if im not in my bed i eat.. I get really bad pains around my chest. So for me it was very painful to act normal.. I dont even know if my family fell for it.. Lost sence of reality a long time ago. No hallucinations, just emptiness.. Its gonna kill me some day..
But i try. At least i tried.
Before my meltdown i wouldve been without pain.. And happy.. God i miss those times so much.!
Hi Natalie- I have only just stumbled upon your blog and your advice seems spot-on. I am at the early stages of diagnosis and have not yet been started on medication.
I have fallen into a hypomanic state over the Christmas period due to both, lack of a stable sleeping pattern and too much alcohol. I have only just started learning about the mood disorder but thank you in advance for your nuggets of wisdom. I am hoping with continued support I that will be able to lead a better quality of life.
I was recently diagnosed with BPII over 3 years ago. The mood I’ve been cursed with is these wonderful mixed states with extreme irritability and anger. Anyway, I just got back from a disastrous holiday trip to my wife’s parents house. Forgot to take my meds for two days and had a meltdown with her mother (whom I cannot stand). I think my wife is considering divorce (We’ve barley spoken to each other in two days). Her family is a big source of stress in my life and I never had any desire to visit. That said I feel pressured to do so. Dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t
Like your blog as a fellow BPII. Noticed that you use many pictures with large blue overtones in the colors. Not criticizing, but was thinking of the correlation between such and limiting blue light exposure in the evenings. Do you often post in the evenings?
I had a really great holiday despite a lingering depression and the demands of being a caregiver to a moody partner with dementia. Scheduling helps, so does taking tiny steps. I got the tree up, cooked a nice dinner, visited friends….mini breaks for yourself are not self indulgent! I bought one gift on Amazon and put empty boxes decorative boxes under the tree. I referred to them my feauxsants. It worked and with the money I saved I bought a rib roast. I took the time to get organized for my shopping, took advantage of price matching, coupons, etc. Mini-victories!
Thanks NT for laying out the framework. I understand more by reading than I ever did in CBT. And that’s not to say I didn’t have my moments. I accept them as part of my illness and I expect anybody who deals it’s me to understand I am ill and there’s certain things I cannot and will not do!
Happy Holidays and don’t put your health or happiness in the hands of others!
Great read. I’m having a pretty bad period of depression at the minute, and I’m forced to try and keep it hidden which is draining me emotionally. While I want the kids to have a great christmas, being around my family who are unbelievably closed minded when it comes to me and my mental health state is very destructive. How I’m pulling myself through this is beyond me, especially when the doctors have messed up with my medication too.
Hi Natasha,
Great article except I don’t think that a glass of wine would do anyone any harm at Christmas. Staying sane means you can escape the drudgery of the year as well > Maybe you could focus more on the positives of the season and enjoyment?
im trying to deal with what i am i dont no i got,no real diaginosies they say biopalar ? ADHD i was taking dexanphedain 5mg 5x day and oraxapam 30mg at nite 1 ,ive got a genuis son who is 14 also aspergus ,and ADHA ,hes 6and a half feet tall over and over 135kgs and over the top ,hes so rararararar ,im loosen it ,my best friend reakons i was differnt manic ,mind was over the top ,but im only 5feet tall and down to under 50kgs any idea ,im gunna see my shrinek on friday ,but im a bit f—en worried cause last i went off dex and the tryed other drugs i dont remember 9months i cant remember ive tryed seriqual 2 freaky fely like i was dieing ,tryed lithium ahah ,been in rehaps ,detoxs ,nut houses ,my mates worried im so so angry i could easly go over the top ,i think everyone is a wanker any idfeas thanks Alldone ,
I would be interested to hear what features you consider most important to a schedule. I mean, what “counts” as a schedule? I’m not good at them.
Hi JulieC,
A schedule is anything that you do at a specific time. So, that might be eating, sleeping, taking meds, exercising and so on. Thanks for the question because I think it needs its own post :)
Not that my schedule is the _best_ or anything, but for me, I always sleep the same hours, take meds at the same time, eat breakfast at the same time and I have a bedtime ritual. I’ll provide more details in a post, but basically, I would recommend scheduling whatever coping strategies work for you so that you know you will do them every day.
– Natasha Tracy
Every year we have to go to this event that’s organised by my Mum. We nicknamed it the ‘annual family endurance event’. She gathers together as much family as possible and we have to eat and talk for hours and hours to people we don’t really know. Even the family I do know there’s this huge pressure of playing catchup and the horrible silence because they know you don’t have a job just now, but they don’t really understand why. and you feel an utter failure. I hate it, every year it makes me ill.. If I don’t go she doesn’t understand and I get pressured and pressured. It is so destabilising and I feel so depressed and in a mixed state now and the event was last Saturday. If I could avoid it it would make my Christmas much more do-able. I’ve barely been able to do anything since Saturday, it really pushes me over the edge. I feel so worthless and the play acting at family is a nonsense. They’re not able to give any support to someone with Bipolar as they don’t understand and aren’t really capable. It’s all so horrible and fake. It’s an annual torment. Gah! Even writing this I can see how ill I am, yet I was managing ok before the annual gang up.I’d really like not to have to go. It damages my health every year.
Hi OrganizedPauper,
Well, to be frank, I wouldn’t go. I just wouldn’t. I consider my own mental health far more important than some silly family obligation that is bad _every_year_. I have bowed out of some holidays all together to protect my mental health.
I can understand if you don’t feel that is an option for you, but maybe you can at least think about it.
No one said you had to go just because the event has been organized. You’re an individual and get to make your own decisions. Be kind to yourself.
– Natasha Tracy
Thanks. It’s made so difficult to not just go. Mum thinks I’m enjoying myself as I am polite and talk to people. Even when I tell her I’m just being polite, she doesn’t get it. My husband thinks I shouldn’t go next year. He can take my daughter who wants to go. It’s dealing with the pressure to go that’s also difficult. My mother’s totally incapable of understanding anything to do with mental health, or indeed anything that’s not as obvious as broken leg where the bone is sticking out. I am pretty much looked on in a patronising way by the rest of the family. The assumption being that I’m not capable, a bit stupid, weird or just plain irresponsible. Which is very far from the truth. I don’t want to go again. It will take me all year to gather up the energy to resist my mother’s relentless pressure to go.
I certainly needed to read this today. I am completely overwhelmed by Christmas this year. I am on new medications (3rd try in 6 months) and not feeling great, but feel like I have to control the plans as I always have. I know “in my head” this does not make sense. My children are both adults and don’t expect Santa to come down the chimney. In fact they had trouble even making lists of things they want for presents. Yet, I still feel guilty that I haven’t put up the tree or shopped for any presents. I am on edge constantly wondering why I can’t get my act together and just get it done. Now that I’ve read your post today, I am going to talk to my family and ask for their help. I am sure they will put up the tree and do some of the shopping for me. The shopping that isn’t completed will be replaced by cash which most adult daughters would prefer anyway. I am glad I am going to see my therapist this week so she can remind me that I am trying to live in the past………..it’s time to accept where I am now.
Hi Norelle,
It sounds like you’re turning a corner to me and taking some positive steps to help yourself get through this tricky time as well as possible :)
You’re absolutely right that none of us can live in the past. We have to adapt to new circumstances, even when we don’t like it. Thanks for that reminder.
– Natasha Tracy