Some of us are lucky enough to have really supportive loved ones and, sometimes, a friend or family member might come to our doctors’ appointments. If this is the case for you, consider yourself lucky because it can be very helpful. I’m not suggesting that you drag someone to your psychiatrist’s appointment by his or her hair or that you invite people with whom you are not comfortable, but if a friend or family member coming to a doctor’s appointment is an option for you, I say, take it.
What Are the Benefits to a Loved One Coming to a Doctor’s Appointment?
The fact is, there are actually great benefits to having a family member or friend join you in a doctor’s appointment. Believe me, a second pair of ears and an additional brain can be welcome when yours isn’t quite up to snuff, which happens, especially when you’re not feeling well.
Here are just some of the benefits of a loved one joining you in a doctor’s appointment:
- You know that you will go to your doctors’ appointments if someone will be joining you.
- Your loved one can develop a relationship with your doctor so that if things go wrong in the future (perhaps you become psychotic) everyone is more capable of working in conjunction and helping you.
- Someone else can have a different view of your symptoms and give this “outsider” view and, perhaps, more accurate view, to your doctor.
- Someone else can remind you of all the things you wanted to talk about (because people often forget, quite naturally).
- A friend or family member can help you remember exactly what your doctor said when you feel like you’re suffering from information overload.
- A family member or friend may ask great questions that you didn’t think to ask (like about side effects, for example).
- A loved one can be your backup and your support when you have to talk about something tough or something that your doctor doesn’t want to hear.
- Someone, not just you, can hold your doctor accountable for treatment decisions and outcomes.
All of these things are an aspect of supporting a loved one with a mental illness and we appreciate all of these things.
If You’re Joining Someone at Their Doctor’s Appointment
If you’re the one going to someone else’s psychiatric appointment, you should know that we do appreciate it, but there still should be ground rules. For example, there may be things the person with the mental illness is not willing to talk about. You need to respect this. You should have a discussion with the person with the mental illness before you get to the doctor’s office to find out what kind of support the person with the mental illness really needs. We’re all different so what feels like support to me, might feel like smothering to someone else.
Also, understand that you’re walking in on a very important relationship and you need to respect the existing relationship and not allow any of your own feelings to impact it. For example, if the doctor last prescribed your loved one a medication that didn’t work and you feel angry about it, it’s not appropriate to rage at the doctor. This can harm the patient-doctor relationship. You need to deal with your own emotions before your get there and handle a doctor’s appointment in a rational and objective way that will help, and not harm, all involved.
Tips on Attending Someone Else’s Doctor’s Appointment
Things you can do to help a person with a mental illness in a doctor’s appointment include:
- Do your mental illness research before you go to get up to speed on what’s going on with treatment.
- Write down all the issues you and the person with the mental illness want to discuss before you get there.
- Offer to drive to the appointment and make sure to put it on your calendar so that neither of you miss it.
- Write down what happens in the doctor’s appointment because one or both of you may forget the details.
- Bring in relevant research that you or the patient are interested in talking about. (Print out pages from the internet, for example. It’s much better to be able to refer to a specific study or page rather than just say, “I read online . . ..”)
- If a prescription is given, offer to take the person to the drug store so it can get filled right away.
What If Your Loved One Doesn’t Want You at the Doctor Appointment?
If you’re wanting to go to your loved one’s doctor’s appointment but he or she doesn’t want you there, you need to respect this (unless, possibly, the person is a minor). While your offer may be coming from a great place, you might just not be the right person to take on that role or it just might not be the right time. Don’t take this personally. Remember, this is about supporting the person with the mental illness and not about you.
My mom she has a mental illness and she is telling all her sisters on the phone and me that there is bugs and parasites in the house and there is not and I would like her today to make an appointment to see a therapist and I would like her no longer talking to me anymore and stay out of my room she would come in my room and start talking the bug and parasite nonsense.
My wife has come with me twice. Once she confirmed that my pdoc was gaslighting me. The next pdoc doubted my self diagnosis of bipolar. But when my wife told her about the same hypomanic episode, the doc could hear it. Both times extremely helpful.
Suicide has been in the back of my mind since as young as I can remember. I’ve always felt that something is wrong with me. My family never holds back on telling me that ALL my thinking, actions and reactions, my emotions and the way I handle things are wrong. At this moment, I have 1 person I can talk to and she is dealing with depression herself.
If I told my family, every one of them would tell me I’m doing it for attention. I was diagnosed with MS in 2009. My body is dying. My mind is dying. My heart and willpower are broken. I’m afraid to start crying. I get mad when I wake up in the morning. I hate my life and myself. I had a therapist tell me that it was all me. I speak and speak, but no one hears me. I just want to fall asleep and not wake up. I’ve counted my pills many times. I’ve written goodbye letters. My granddaughter was my only hope and my daughter won’t let me see her.
Every one tells me it’s my fault. I don’t know what is wrong with my head.
I’m afraid I’m going to take all my pills in half-sleep.
None of them will accept fault. My only guilt is that I give into their mean words and do it.
I don’t care if they do feel guilt. They will know how I’ve felt without them caring.
Hi Natasha, due to my late onset at 41, my psychiatrist ENCOURAGED interviewing my parents, my children, and my fiancee (now husband) as he wanted to determine if there were any previous indicators or symptoms that were there before my triggered onset. My husband still comes about twice a year to provide my doc with feedback on what he observes, how I’m coping, if he feels I’m making any progress or setbacks. I do maintain a journal that i bring to my monthly appointments in which I document any side effects from new meds, new symptoms, or questions that I may have.
Interesting read, thank you for this post. I also have a blog and would love to get your feedback :) xoxo
I think it is such a great idea to have someone who is supporting you come to your appointment. I worry about this great group of supporters we have out there in the world. They don’t get the benefit of hearing what a doctor of therapist has to say. They have to gleam whatever they can from whatever they can find online or in books or whatever we do share with them. They do not get the education we all get whenever we meet with our providers. What they do have is a friend or a loved one with a really big challenge and a heart of gold.
Thanks again Natasha for another great post!
Bob
I actually don’t want my husband at my appts. I know I probably should, but that just isn’t for me. My husband has been through so much crap with me already. Yes, I hide certain things, but I’m trying (in my mind) to protect him from the ugly. As well as I am a very private person and there are just certain things I don’t share. I absolutely would have my doc call my husband if he thought he needed to be informed of anything. That’s fine. But everything else discussed? No. He doesn’t always need to know every single word of my session. I think I’m like this because, as I said, I’m very private. Might not make sense to others, but it works for me.
When I get home from an appointment, I give my husband the condensed version. If I change/add/take away a medicine, he knows that. I know I need to trust more but I can’t. I’m working on that with my therapist but it’s a change that is very difficult for me.
My husband (and sometimes my son) usually go with me. My psychiatrist has also had them track my moods as well as me during med changes…we mainly had my son do it just so her feel included (the first time he was 7 or 8) but we found not only did that make him feel included, it made him able to recognize my patterns and feel a little more in control of his world…he had a way to ask for help for me. I really think the relationship we all have with muy doctor is why I’ve been able too do so well for so long
I have a designated mental health buddy, someone who’s up to date on my treatment and appointments. we share a therapist (he upholds patient confidentiality and won’t discuss our care behind our backs but will always welcome observations without comment). I gave her instructions to call him if I decide to stop taking my meds or find myself in crisis.
I ran out of meds while in a precarious financial position but as soon as I got my first paycheck, she made sure I called in for my scripts and drove me to the pharmacy. I’m so fortunate to have someone on my team and it’s made a huge positive difference in my care. the mentally ill require systemic responses and even having a system of one means a lot.
I get why some people find this helpful and comforting within the context of a loving and supportive relationship. I wish I were as lucky as these people
But for me as an underaged youth I had absolutely no power or control over my life. Any power I may have had was stomped on or taken away in a forceful manner. I unwittingly developed an eating disorder as a way to gain some semblance of control over my circumstances. As an adult I rebel over anything that smells the tiniest bit like control. Feeling independant and self reliant is extremely important down to my very core. It’s hard for me to trust another person. It has taken me a long time just to build a therapeutic rapport with my doctor, especially after having been involuntarily committed by 3 different doctors in the past. Having another family member in the room therefore would be extremely uncomfortable and counterproductive especially since they were more often than not the trigger to another episode. I would never consider bringing a friend along either. I make it a point not to tell friends about my mental illness because of the stigma involved
I think it’s great advice to have someone come with you to your psychiatrist appointment. If you’re having problems it might even be vital. A friend asked me how she should help her brother, who was according to her diagnosed bipolar and very overmedicated, and the first thing I said was “You HAVE to go to his psychiatrist appointments with him.” She told me she did, talked to the doctor about making changes, kept complete track of his drugs, and her brother showed great improvement afterwards. He went from being able to do nothing but fall down and hurt himself ten times a day to functioning like “his old self.” (She was a nurse, which may have helped get the doctor to take her concerns seriously.)
Great post! My husband comes to my psychiatrist appointments. There have been many occasions I’ve forgotten to mention or ask something and my husband would remind me. Also, my Pdoc allows my husband to ask questions which has helped him learn about my disorder. That helps us both tremendously.
Interesting time to be reading this. I’m sitting in the waiting room for my daughter’s first psychiatrist appointment after she turned 18. She does not want me going in with her. She’s trying to hide her depression and anxiety and has stopped her meds since she turned 18. I don’t have a good feeling about the whole situation…
After I went to a doctor and disclosed my suspicion of depression and after her reaction which was less than helpful and supportive, I was left so traumatized that I now take my partner to every doctor’s appointment.
I do recommend it tremendously. Even if they’re just present and don’t intervene with the appointment, it’s still a big emotional support!
Hi Iva,
I totally agree.
– Natasha Tracy
I am grateful for my wife coming with me and scheduling the appointments and getting e out of the house. She also helps with my prescriptions and picks them up . with such a high divorce rate among people like us I thank my lucky stars for having her ther and being my advocate becuase here a psych doctor appointment it at most 30 minutes and what can actually be done other than ask how do you feel and write a script. I call it factory medicine and am so frustrated and my wife makes sure I am not frustrated.. 200 dollars for 30 minutes. Imagine that.