It’s important to know that you can, and should, call or text a hotline (formally known in the U.S. as Lifeline) even if you’re not suicidal but are experiencing emotional distress. I’m serious about this. You don’t have to wait until you’re on death’s door to talk to a professional crisis worker. Yes, I know their title is “crisis” worker but really what they are is educated people that are there to help you when you need help – whether you’re formally in a “crisis” or not. In fact, calling or texting a hotline, Lifeline, when you’re not suicidal might be the best thing you can do to save your own life.
Calling a Hotline, Lifeline Because of Distress Over Celebrity Suicides
The celebrity suicides of Anthony Boudain and Kate Spade have provoked many people to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (Lifeline) in the United States. According to CNN, counselors took 65% more calls and answered 116% more texts in the week following these suicides. When suicide is in the news, more people reach out to hotlines, Lifeline. This might be because these suicides bring about distress but it might also be because people suddenly feel that reaching out is okay as the national dialog suddenly seems to normalize the need to reach out because of feelings of distress.
This spike in numbers is actually a positive thing because it means that more people who needed help are getting it.
Why Would You Call or Text a Hotline, Lifeline If You’re Not Suicidal?
I strongly suspect that all those who called and texted the Lifeline in the U.S. were not suicidal. Many of these people were experiencing distress and called because of that, not necessarily because they were considering taking their own lives. This is a very good thing. Because if you can catch distress before it turns into suicidality, the chances of you saving your own life are that much greater. And, of course, the sooner you reach out for help, the less time you’ll have to spend in pain, which is a win no matter how you look at it.
According to the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, people call or text them for a variety of reasons including:
- Substance abuse
- Economic worries
- Relationships
- Sexual identity
- Getting over abuse
- Depression
- Illness (including mental illness)
- Loneliness
Any of these things, of course, can cause great distress and are worth reaching out over. Like I said, if you’re in pain, the goal is to stop that pain not to wait until it gets so severe it’s threatening to kill you. Believe me, waiting until you have that bottle of pills in your hand is not what you want to do.
About Calling or Texting the Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the US
Of course, the vast majority of countries have one or more suicide hotlines (you can find information about them here, but for the sake of illustration, let’s use the U.S.’s National Suicide Prevention Lifeline as an example of what these hotlines are like.
What Happens When You Call the Lifeline?
- Initially, you’ll hear a message telling you that you’ve reached the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
- You’ll hear hold music while you are being connected.
- A skilled, trained crisis worker who works at the Lifeline network crisis center closest to you will answer the phone.
- This person will listen to you, understand how your problem is affecting you, provide support and share any resources that may be helpful.
All calls are free and confidential.
And I’d like to point out it’s the sharing of resources that can be so helpful because it takes the help you can get from a suicide hotline into your daily life and allows you to get more in-depth help. Because as much as hotlines can help you, if you’re in that much distress you likely need more help than they can ultimately give.
And as I’ve mentioned, you can also text the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (and they actually have online chat, too). This can be very helpful for those scared of actually talking to someone. If this is the way you choose to reach out, then that’s great – it’s the right way for you.
Experiences with Calling, Texting a Hotline, Lifeline When Not Suicidal
I will say that not everyone who calls a hotline has a positive experience. I know it’s really hard when you finally choose to reach out and the experience ends up being negative. I get why you wouldn’t want to do that again.
But please know that the people on the other end of the line really do want to help you and the resources they can point you towards can facilitate your wellness – and that’s what everyone wants for you.
So please remember, mental illness (and mental distress, for that matter) is like any other illness: the sooner you deal with it the better. If you catch it at an early stage you have a much better chance of beating it altogether. So reach out when you’re feeling distressed and don’t wait. Waiting could cost you your life.
(Similarly, if you’re worried about someone else, you should also call or text a hotline, Lifeline as soon as possible. These counselors are also trained to help you and point you towards resources too.)
Learn more about the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline here.
Banner image by publik15.
I need someone to talk to I feel like I have everything I want but I have nobody to share my feelings with, they’ve been building for a while and I’m worried that the feelings might lead to self harm. I almost feel selfish having these feelings…
Hi Katie,
Welcome. I can understand what it’s like to need someone to talk to. You’re right to reach out. You don’t want those thoughts to become actions you’ll later regret and have to deal with.
As I said in the article, you can call 9-8-8 even if you’re not suicidal. There are people there to talk to.
People here may also respond to you.
There is one additional place you might want to go and that’s to the Inspire bipolar community here: https://www.inspire.com/groups/mental-health-america/topic/bipolar-disorder/
It’s supportive and run by Mental Health America. (I do post there as well.)
One last thing, you are NOT selfish for having these feelings. Feelings come from our brain and we can’t control them — all we can control is what we do with them. In your case, reaching out is the right thing. Believe me, you can have a great life and still have troubling feelings.
— Natasha Tracy
Hi Katie you are not selfish….it’s bloody hard!!!
I am diagnosed bipolar 2 and I force myself to NOT self harm anymore due to having a child now but the thought and the desire is sometimes still there. It’s an immediate but extremely short-term relief and ends up feeling really rather pointless in the long run. I don’t know from your comment whether you have a specific diagnosis but the right medication and talking do help, just be careful who you open up to as not everyone can understand or empathise and it can leave you feeling worse. I haven’t done it myself as such but I imagine talking online in relevant forums could really help – with zero judgement from other people who “get it”. I also think you’re really brave for reaching out. Best wishes to you…hang on in there 💪🏻 ❤️
Dear Ms Tracy,
Was about to wander off and when the word “Bipolar” caught my eye.
Could not resist letting you know that we share a feather or two.
Bipolar 2 – Ah, what a shame. No medicinal marawana …marijuwahna …marryanna …marijuana …whew…for you.
Adult ADHD – Sorry what? I lost concentration for a moment. Hmmm …what did you say?
Dyslexia – Some form of it apparently – did not learn to read until I was 12
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) – Only top label stuff for me
Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD) – The pain never ages, only you do.
Hyper-vigilance – I saw that!
First class dissociator – I do not understand how I can be that and yet overreact to things.
Severe depression – Sorry, but no snappy one liner for that.
Chronic insomnia – Yeah, same again …sigh.
Raines’ Syndrome – “Hey! Watch where you’re going you …Oh, Hello boss. I guess you didn’t you see me hard at work.”
Casandra Syndrome – I know how people feel about me before they know how they feel about me and then they lie about it.
Okay, the last two are my own inventions. Wherever I have worked, I have always put in an enormous amount of unpaid extra time, constantly demonstrated initiative and loyalty, but have remained invisible. Unless that is of course I run late due to something like a flat tire, they notice I am not there, and so they dock my pay.
As for my Casandra Syndrome. It is true that I do. Both a blessing and a curse. Unfortunately does not work on potential lovers before I let them become lovers, or serial killers for that matter. Neither of them seem to do human emotions, so sadly I cannot read them. Sigh…what a glorious career I could have had with the FBI if I could. The latter that is not the former.
Oh, and it is not self-fulfilling prophecy. Lots of ways to prove that, but I am about done with the writing for tonight.
By the way this is one of my favorite things, that a psychologist ever blurted out during a first session, “How come you’re still alive?”
May you and all your loved ones always know more contentment than happiness,
I came here to voice my protest against the idea that I can call Lifeline even if not suicidal.
The reality is that they do not want you to call even if you are suicidal, unless of course you have never called them before. Yes, that is right. It is purely a one shot deal. There is even a time limit for calls. The person I was speaking to warned me that I only had about twenty minutes left; not knowing, I had made the error of mentioning that I had called before, you know, when it actually saved my life. But perhaps they are only allowed to save a person’s life once. Some weird kind of population control I suppose, after all, if you are contemplating suicide again, maybe they do not want to see you survive.
Later, I did some online research, and found research funded by Lifeline into how best to deal with repeat callers. As they put it, not being a counselling service, they needed to find a way to prevent repeat callers.
Like many, I had no idea this was the case. I understand it, what with resources always being stretched so thin, but it horrifies me nonetheless. Especially seeing that, as I sit here typing this I am fighting back a renewed urge to take my own life. Yes, my active suicidal ideation is alive and well. Probably the most healthy part of me. I thought that I had finally beaten it. Something like three months ago I suddenly felt okay. I called it my ‘transformative’ experience.
The attacks recommenced a few weeks ago. Thank goodness I did not doing anything foolish like getting rid of the things I had gathered together for the purpose of ending things. How fortunate that I am now on a break from work, time to write those letters, update my Will etc. Sometimes, even for basketcases like yours truly, things actually do work out.
Rightly or wrongly, I think that people such as myself, are fractured, mutilated, and shattered during our childhood in ways that make us unfit to live in this world. Survive? Oh my, none more gifted for that. Despised? That is the butter on our stairs, for those we need cannot connect with us, therefore, even though we be as resilient as cockroaches, our grand tumble into darkness is inevitable.
Please do not misunderstand me Ms Tracy, or anyone else for that matter. There is no criticism here aimed at you. How could I blame you for not knowing, what I did not know until pure chance made me aware. It is Lifeline alone whom I take issue with. If nothing else, they lay claim to a nobility that they have no right to. Like any other non-profit – and believe me I know, as I once worked for a major one, until they contrived to condemn to the garbage heap through false testimony, ironic spoiler, the Christian ones are the worst of the worst – Lifeline’s true focus is on one thing, Lifeline. In my opinion, they lost their way a long time ago, and I have known them for decades. You Ms Tracy, on the other hand, are simply trying to help others, to do good in the world, for which I thank you, and no doubt do many others.
I continue doing the best I can. Right now, the feeling within me attempts to seduce me with the promise that death will be more glorious than all of my very best orgasms combined. So, so tempting. Nonetheless, I stay true to the vow I have made to myself, that if I truly want to end it today, then I must wait seven days and none less before I do so. At times, procrastination is actually quite wonderful.
Should you hear of a suicide a few weeks or months from now, perhaps mentioning how in one of the many letters they sent out to the media – oh yes, I intend on going as loudly into that dark night as possible – they were less than complementary about LifeLine, please do not mourn me. For I will have found the courage needed to finally give up, give in, and at last find peace. For those who share in my fate, it is the living on that is the true death.
I seek no sympathy, comfort, compassion, understanding as I do not deserve it. Fortunately, i have never received any of any kind that one could really call genuine. By the way, counsellors, psychologists, doctors? Even the best of them are nothing more than friends you pay for. They are no more genuine than the ‘boyfriend’, ‘girlfriend’ or ‘they-friend’ experience (hope I got that last one right, tricky stuff being inclusive these days). Or logic tells me so, as I could never afford such a thing and would not be willing to pay such an exorbitant price anyway, seeing as it is utterly counterproductive. “Genuine emotional experiences! Get your genuine emotional experiences, right here folks! $1,000. That’s right ladies and gentlemen. Only a $1,000 for authentic love. You won’t believe it’s not real.”
Will not be returning. Not to disrespect your right to rebuttal Ms Tracy, just seem to have lost my taste for debate of late. Not certain of course, but might be something to do with this strong desire to see if it might actually be better on the other side. Shame really. The egotist in me would have liked to see what you and others made of what I wrote. No drafts. No spelling and grammar checks. Hip draw writing at its best I like to think, for I still have this quaint notion that I can actually write worth a damn.
My dear Rocky. You are so very, very, right. Nothing hits harder than life, and there is no shame in being knocked to the mat, nor in waiting out the count to catch your breath before rising once more. What you missed though, my dear imaginary friend, is that not all fighters survive the blow that sends them there. They never rise again. Still, in all fairness, that would have spoiled a truly epic speech, and we cannot have reality doing things like that, it just would not do.
Therefore, proclaim it loud all you motivational speakers, religious leaders, self-help writers and whomever should be added to that ever growing list of purveyors of positive, it really should have remained a secret, pseudo wisdom.
Our potential is unlimited, true love never dies, true love always wins, and evil never defeats good.
National supermarket chains just want to save us money, the X government party is much more honest and genuine than the Y government party, dogs are better than cats except for the cats who are better than dogs.
If you want to lose weight, take off all your clothes and do not drink a lot of water, or eat less and exercise more because after all doing that has never made anyone eat more and exercise less.
For everyone there is a soul mate, a special someone, unless of course that right one has already been taken by the wrong one, so we cannot now have the only one, so we also now have to take the wrong one who was the right one for some other one. Sigh …too tired and depressed to finish that one, please just do the math yourself.
All mothers love their children except of course for the ones who kill them, and all children love their mothers except for the ones who, well, kill them.
Suicide is the cowards way out, only for some reason I have never seen a coward take it.
And my favorite one of all. There is always another day. Except of course for the suicidal. But then that little fact would spoil the narrative of the victorious, and we cannot have that now, can we?
See you on the other side. You cannot miss me. I will be the mad one writing on the clouds.
Hi Professor K,
Thank you for your comment. I’m so sorry you had such a negative experience with the Lifeline. I don’t think this is a universal experience as many people have called them many times. Please know that even if you have a bad experience like that, it doesn’t mean that every experience would be the same. Your life is worth saving. I know that and I know that other people do too.
I hear the pain in your voice. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing that right now. But please know this: If it passed once, it can pass again. I know that’s hard to care about when you’re in the midst of suffering, but it’s true. Life doesn’t stay the same way forever.
I’m thinking of you.
— Natasha Tracy
Just called 988 and the lady said unless I was suicidal she would have to give me another number to call to get help. Before it was 988 would could call to talk to someone before you got suicidal. 988 is a big joke.
Hi Jamie,
I’m so sorry. I had no idea that was happening. It’s great that you’re reaching out, though, wherever that has to be.
— Natasha Tracy
rather meet in person i cant do this over the phone shit.
The actual point is to play hostage negotiator long enough for the swat team to make entry into your home and detain you and take you (against your will) to the hospital for a 72 hour psych hold.They don’t put this in the advertising for obvious reasons. If you can be talked out of the most important decision one could ever make in their life by a 1 hours phone call with a volunteer who has completed their $200 1-3 day seminar on avian linguistics, sorry I meant parroting, no wait that;s not it either… Oh Yeah! I just remembered it “empathetic listening” created by Jesus Christ himself to bestow upon mortals the ability previously held only by tape recorders, microphones, and the Grand Canyon. And don’t even get me started on CBT that ancient skill,… But seriously how can you write, (and who the hell needs) a 1000 page textbook to learn how to rationalize which is a skill everyone has but therapists act as if it’s unknown to anyone but them which is extremely arrogant and doubly so when they hypocritically act as if they are immune to bias themselves even while explaining that everyone has biased thoughts.
Not that found of sugar, considering how much it has messed me up over the years. But what an insightful comment, “If you can be talked out of the most important decision one could ever make in their life by a 1 hours phone call” Ouch! That is damn good my friend.
And no one hit wonder either “act as if they are immune to bias themselves even while explaining that everyone has biased thoughts”. Grin…love it. I am now thinking back over all the things I can remember that therapists told me and I am stunned by how often they have done exactly that, not just in that way but in many other ways too.
“You have to stop thinking that way and recognise that the opposite might be the case.”
“I think you need to stop saying someone is wrong.”
“Don’t blame the therapy, when you’re the problem, because you’re treatment resistant.”
“Neither I nor anyone else can do everything, so you need to be willing to do anything to heal.”
“You have to stop thinking that people will give up on you, abandon you. I’m committed to being with you on this difficult journey. Oh, and before we end this session, I need to tell you that I’ve decided to retire two weeks from today so our next session will be our last one, as I will not be able to see you anymore.” Wow! Just wow!
Thanks for the insights.
First I want to say, I’m really glad that I have a chance to read through your posts. Especially with this particular topic, wanting to die but being suicidal. A lot of your suggestions/recommendations are very similar to what my dr and therapist tell me. So, I thank you for speaking out so openly.
For me, feeling like dying or not existing doesn’t come with any risk of suicide. According to my dr and therapist, it most likely never will become a suicidal risk for. It’s extremely hard to explain or for people to understand what I struggle with day to day….sometimes hour by hour. The reason why it’s hard, I don’t necessarily fall into any of the categories mentioned that others suffer from. My pain and overwhelming agony comes from a loss unlike any other. My oldest of 4, at only 25 years old, recently and suddenly passed away in September. Just like there’s no way to describe my pain, there’s no way to describe how truly unique and special bond/relationship we had. It’s become sickening to even think of the future without him in it. And as much as I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up again, there’s no way I would ever entertain the thought of suicide when I really do have so much to live for. That’s what seems to be the hardest for me to explain. Yes, I still have 3 beautiful and amazing girls, 3 wonderful grandkids and a husband who holds me together before I fall completely apart….still, I’m so lost with feeling hollow and empty. Believe me, it’s a war I battle within myself that leaves a looming guilt that I struggle with everyday.
Suicide Help-lines do offer a caring, listening voice; little else. The choice, to live or die, remains yours. The agent does not advocate direction. There is one exception to policy. If a caller presents with active suicide plan (date/time), the means: gun, rope, knife, etc., and states ready intent, the caller will be directed to consider a cooling off period; to reconsider.
Active suicide calls are less than 2% of all volume. If the caller does not exhibit active suicidal ideation, agents strive not to exceed seven minutes call handle time.
Summary: use them! Agents use the paradigm: W.A.I.T. —why am I talking? They’ll use dialog mirroring: “…So what you’re saying/ feeling is….” It’s valid (free) but insipid service. Seek paid professional review for pernicious active suicidal ideation.
There’s two resources here: crisis line ( I don’t trust went I’m paranoid/ manic )
Another line that are trained in psychology & just basically listen
Don’t tell you what to do. Since I’ve never responded to that sort of thing.
I prefer the latter.
It’s more like talking to a super educated friend.
It does help
Where the crisis line says well what are you going to do now to distract yourstract yourself?
If your suicidal excuse me,that’s dumb.
Some are better workers than others.
I avoid calling those places at the most part,writing feelings out
Everyone has their own way of dealing with pain
I’d never though let it get it to the point of suicidal ideation though.
I’m extremely self aware indivual “….
I support calling a hotline, especially if you aren’t as messed up as I was. Getting therapy is also good, if you have somebody you trust can handle it.
Disclosure-This is my issue, so hopefully you handle it better than I did. I have had 3 suicide attempts, last one 4 years ago. One was after calling a hotline, because I felt so guilty for dumping my problems on them, that it was just another person I became a problem to-obviously not really, but I was in a bad headspace. I remember not sleeping that night, wanting to call the hotline, waiting 8 hours, getting the Sunday paper, then still feeling bad, then calling.