Today, the Bipolar Burble blog welcomes guest author Kevin Hines, a fellow mental health advocate. Kevin is one of only 33 people who have survived a jump from the Golden Gate Bridge. I met Kevin recently at a conference and I can tell you, his story is incredible and he uses it to help others.
I always try to remember that life is but a state of mind and if that state of mind can be altered by an imbalance of chemicals, it becomes extremely hard to function. After all, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 17 years old. Since that day, I’ve come to learn that life literally is a state of mind, and how, without the love and support of friends and family, life would be a lot more difficult.
I am so thankful for the support of family and friends who have helped me whether the hard times at are inevitable when one has– like I do – a mental illness. With all the years that have passed since I attempted to end my life by suicide, I have learned that we all make mistakes in life, but now it is time to put the past where it belongs, in the rear view mirror. We cannot control the future, but we can help one another – and ourselves – today and every “today” that follows.
After My Bipolar Disorder Diagnosis at 17
After my bipolar diagnosis I struggled, suffered, and attempted to understand the metamorphosis I was going through. I hoped that it was just a phase, maybe I was going to “grow out of it.” I was going through the motions of trying to find the right medications for my particular kind of manic depression. Some days the medication would feel like it was working, but on others, it would not.
Driven to Suicide
This lasted until I was 19-years old when thoughts of suicide unfolded. I wrote a suicide letter and the next day, I prepared for another day of classes at City College in San Francisco. But that was a blatant lie, even to myself. This morning my plan was to go to the Golden Gate Bridge to end my life.
After I entered my English class, signed my suicide note, I found myself on the Municipal transportation bus crying, en route to the Golden Gate Bridge. I thought: if one person comes up to me and asks if I am OK, if I need any help, I would tell them everything. I would ask for help.
No one on the bus, or later, on the bridge, did.
So, I made my final irrational decision and jumped.
If You Know Someone Suicidal…
To all you family members and friends out there, if your someone you know or care for ever hints about suicidal ideation, or says anything like, “I don’t want to be here anymore,” or “I don’t like this life,” or “I don’t belong here,” take those kinds of ideations seriously, and contact a local Mental Health Professional.
I have learned over time that if we are nothing else, we are our brothers’ and sisters’ keepers. We are not alone on this earth without help or hope. It literally costs nothing to reach out to another person, especially when they need our help the most. Believe me I know this to be absolutely true. I know because I have lived it.
Author’s Bio
Kevin Hines is an award-winning international speaker, author & mental health advocate. He has devoted his life to suicide prevention after miraculously surviving a suicide attempt by jumping from the Golden Gate Bridge in 2000. Since, he has received numerous accolades for his work including a Lifetime Achievement Award in 2012. His memoir, Cracked, Not Broken: Surviving and Thriving After a Suicide Attempt will be released by Rowman & Littlefield Publishers on July 16, 2013.
Dear Kevin & Natasha, My son has suffered from mental illness for most of his life. Just recently he was finally diagnosed with Bi Polar disorder. We just had to have him involuntary committed for the second time. It is very painful to see someone you love tormented by this illness but it is important that we remember that there is hope
and each day brings more promise. I have watched my son battle with all of his might and accomplish things that would be beyond my reach. He has always been a sponge for history, the state of our environment and world affairs and has a retention of facts and figures that is beyond impressive. His potential has not been realized and I have no doubt that he will win his battle as well. I my self have battled serious depression several times in my life and have been down the bottomless pit only to look up and see how far I had to climb to get out. My attitude was always no matter how high I had to climb each step toward the top got me closer to winning the battle. It is a task just to get through a day without feeling like it would be easier to just call it quits and that’s where support of family and friends is paramount. I have been enjoying my life for many years now since my last experience with depression and have never shied away from telling my story and the feelings that I had while going through depression. I recently reached out to a young lady who had experienced and suffered with Bi Polar disorder as my son is right now. We met for what was to be an hour chat that turned into 3 hours and was very rewarding for us both. So many young people suffer quietly and don’t get the help they need and it is essential for us as survivors to bring attention to this rising problem. There is a long way to go and education and support are key to overcoming the stigma surrounding mental health. We belong to a special club that only people who have suffered and experienced the pain of mental illness truly understand. For that reason alone it is important that we continue to support others who are suffering and shine the light brightly on this issue that needs to be recognized as one of the most important health problems of our era. I commend you both on your efforts to help others and to continue the fight, you are leaders and an inspiration to others. Kevin I had read about your experience years ago and you are a true champion and hero in this field. It was heartbreaking to hear how things unfolded for you and that no one was there to help when you so desperately needed it. That day made you who you are today and has helped countless others. Natasha it is people like yourself that continue to break down the wall brick by brick so that someday there will just be an open door for those who need it to walk straight through and receive the help they need. You are two very special people.
I’m so sorry nobody came up to ask if you were okay. That breaks my heart. One simple question can save so many lives. I really do hope you’re doing better now, you were put on this earth for a reason and you’re just not ready to leave yet :) thank you for sharing your story. I’ll be sharing it with everyone I know.
I am surprised this post only got two responses. We are lucky you survived and lived to tell your story. I’ve done so many stupid things hoping I would die – driving FAST, ingested tons of pills, etc. I often felt unafraid to die. I fear physical pain on top of the mental pain and anguish more than death. I once blurted out to my brother that I felt like killing myself. He cried, my sweet, stoic, strong brother cried. He didn’t say much. He just told me his life would never be the same if I was gone. Kevin, you are right – it truly doesn’t take much. One sentence can make a world of difference.
When we become mentally unwell, many of us become very superstitious and seek signs in everything.
Kevin wrote “I thought: if one person comes up to me and asks if I am OK, if I need any help, I would tell them everything. I would ask for help.” That really resonates with me, as I have often looked for clues like that – when no one came up to speak, I’d have taken the exact same course of action, because I’d have seen that indicated in the apparent lack of others’ interest in my welfare.
I don’t know whether this is how it happened with you, Kevin, but when I was actively suicidal I was constantly looking for indicators in my environment to show me what to do, how, and when. It was like my rational mind had been disconnected, and a *rationalizing” programme had been substituted.
It’s nice that we both fluked into still being here.
Dear Natasha and Kevin. .as always NATASHA you write on and bring together wonderful and warm human beioins to share their storie with the mentally ill or even the mentally well. dear kevin, I am so glad you survived because it was the Good Lords way of saying your work your life is not over yet..I need you to help others and this is basically one of your life s missions. I personally am so glad you are here with us and able to reach out through writings to the many who need you and those who think they may be ok but are not and need that helping hand that you,natasha and many others deliver the goods..God Bless you wonderful people and I know about crying in my early days bipolar…there was always someone to talk too. THANK GOD FOR THEM AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU FOR THE WONDERFUL WORK,HIS WORK ,YOU ARE DEMONSTRATING TO ALL
PAUL J