“Smiling depression” is something I can identify with ― just like “high-functioning depression.” Neither are technical terms, but both describe how I’ve lived years of my life. Yes, I’ve spent years depressed, but I’ve also spent years of my life hiding that fact from 99% of the people with which I interact. Certainly, I’m not the only one. Other people are walking around at work, at home, and with friends, with a smile painted on their face, functioning in a way that “passes” with others, too. But even though I may smile, like, all the time, smiling actually makes me want to cry.

What Is Smiling Depression? Hiding Pain Behind a Smile

Smiling depression is depression hiding in plain sight. The person with smiling depression covers how they’re feeling with “socially appropriate” responses and a smile. They do not act like how they genuinely feel.

Many people smile to hide what they’re feeling, but I think this is more common in women because we are taught to “just smile,” “get along,” and “be nice” all the time. When a man doesn’t smile, it’s okay, but when a woman doesn’t smile, it’s “wrong.”

However, that doesn’t mean men can’t have smiling depression, too. After all, few things hide unending sorrow and suffering like a smile. Few people ask a smiling person if there’s something wrong. It’s a way of getting out of questions that you don’t want to answer.

But make no mistake about it: smiling depression is every bit as horrific as any other type of depression. I’d say Robin Williams proved that point quite well.

High-Functioning Depression: When You Seem Fine But Aren’t

High-functioning depression is similar and sometimes considered synonymous. High-functioning depression is just depression where a person doesn’t engage in typical depressed behaviors (at least around others), like crying and staying in bed. Instead, they exhibit functioning that looks like everyone else.

I used to work full-time for a very big, fancy tech company. There was no choice there but to function very highly. The people were wickedly smart, the job was wickedly hard, and I swear to you, people would stab you in the back if they thought it would get them a better review come September. And I functioned in that environment for years despite depression.

One thing I will say, though, is that as soon as I left that environment and got home, I barely moved from the couch. I did nothing. It took every ounce of me to fight my way through work, and I spent the rest of my life rebuilding my reserves to do it again.

It was no way to live, but it was the only way I knew how to live. I smiled my way through depression just like I functioned my way through depression because I had no choice.

Why Smiling Through Depression Can Make It Worse

If I think about smiling depression, though, it makes me want to cry. And stretching a smile across my face makes me want to cry. I guess it’s the disingenuousness of it all. I guess it’s the effort required. I guess it’s the dissonance between how I look and how I feel. Those things are awful. If I didn’t feel terrible enough before, thinking about those things is sure to make me feel worse.

Why People Hide Depression with a Smile

As much as smiling depression is convenient for those suffering from depression, it’s also convenient for those around them. Yes, we smile for you, too. Yes, we function highly for you, too. You don’t want to look at a depressed person. You don’t want to work next to someone having trouble functioning. You don’t want to deal with a depressed person constantly. I do understand this. This is what forces people to smile and pretend to function no matter how they feel. It’s not just pressure from within; it’s also pressure from without.

However, living like this takes a toll. It’s incredibly difficult to fake smiling and functioning all the time, no matter why we choose to do it.

Why It’s Okay to Stop Hiding Your Depression

I’m not going to judge people with smiling depression or high-functioning depression ― like I said, I’ve been those things myself (I still am in some ways). I will say, though, that hiding how you feel all the time is downright damaging. You might be able to hide your feelings today, but I promise you, there will come a day when your feelings will explode, and that day will be very unpleasant. It can lead to a breakdown, hospitalization, or worse.

So, if you smile and function your way through depression, it’s okay, but make sure that doesn’t stop you from reaching out for help and support. You need people with whom you can be real, no matter what that real actually is.