My Bipolar Symptoms Aren’t Your Symptoms: I’m More Bipolar Than You

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Sep 24, 2010

If you’ve been reading me for a while, you’re probably familiar with the symptoms I typically experience as a bipolar:

Fatigue
Sadness / depression / tearing
Hypersomnia
Anhedonia
Lack of motivation / concentration
Slowness in thinking
Thoughts of death
Decreased need for sleep
Excessive speed talking / thinking
Increased productivity

Each symptom depending on the mood of the moment (blue being depression, yellow being hypomania).

However, did you know that someone’s list might look like this:

Irritability
Weight loss
Insomnia
Restlessness. agitation
Feelings of guilt
Indecisiveness
More goal-directed activity
Spending sprees
Inflated self-esteem

That is totally different from my list, and yet we’re still both bipolar. The diagnosis “bipolar” is more of a big-tent thing. It’s the clumping of people with group of symptoms into a group called bipolar, but each person in the group is still unique.

Is Multiple Personality Disorder Real? – Dissociative Identity Disorder

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Sep 23, 2010

Since Sybil was published in 1974 I think people have been fascinated by multiple personality disorder, now known as dissociative identity disorder or DID. We see dissociative identity disorder on TV and in movies fairly frequently. I didn’t kill her, my alternate personality did.

And yet many people, doctors included, feel that the mental illness doesn’t really exist. I’m fascinated by someone having a disorder that the medical community can’t even agree exists (although keep in mind, dissociative identity disorder is in the DSM-IV).

I admit to having no idea either way and being terribly uneducated on the subject. Luckily for me, there is a new Blogger Holly Gray at HealthPlace that writes on just such issues in her blog Dissociative Living.

Seven Accusations of Bipolars – Bipolar Myths

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Sep 19, 2010

Some people really hate the bipolars. Bipolar disorder evokes ire in many. I’ve had people refuse to see me for no other reason than I am bipolar. Bipolar seems to make you grow another head, or tentacles, or something.

But that is not the worst part. Not by far. No, the really bad bit is why people hate people with bipolar disorder so much. Among the other accusations, I’ve seen: we’re liars, we cheat, we manipulate and we’re violent and angry. These particular myths along with three others are in Seven Biggest Myths About Bipolar Disorder.

People Show Prejudice Against Bipolar Disorder

The thing is, the people who make these accusations, like everyone with a prejudice, is simply showing ignorance and a lack of rationality. It doesn’t matter what group of people you hate, you’re always showing ignorance and a lack of rationality. It’s terribly unimpressive.

What generally happens is that a person has a bad experience with one person, who is bipolar, and then generalizes to all of bipolar-kind and possibly mental-illness-kind. And they blame every problem on the bipolar. It isn’t fair. It isn’t right. In fact, it’s stupid. Sorry, it just is.

But there it is, my little poke back at the prejudice. I hope it makes someone think.

Worst Things To Say a Person with a Mental Illness

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Sep 16, 2010

I think everyone with bipolar disorder, or any other mental illness, has their own personal list of annoying things people have said to them and about them. I’ve listed my 10 least favorite things to say to a person with bipolar disorder, plus a bonus #11. #11 is just my absolute least favorite.

Worst Thing to Say to a Person with a Mental Illness – We Create Our Own Reality

We create our own reality. This is one of my most hated sentences in the English language. This sentence screams of middle-class-real-problemless-spoiled-rich-person. Yes, undoubtedly people who have homes and families and health and happiness can make their own reality. They can fix the issues they have, like leaky pipes, and not be upset when the paperboy misses their front porch. I have no doubt this is possible.

But give me a fucking break.

Doctors Should Treat the Mentally Ill Without Consent

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Aug 17, 2010

Recently I’ve come across several groups on Facebook and elsewhere that claim to be for the rights of the mentally ill. They talk about defending their rights through lawsuits, funding and online campaigns. They also support the banning of a doctor’s rights to give psychotropic medication without consent. These are either well-intentioned people with little grasp of logic or just plain anti-psychiatry nutjobs.

I admit, I fell for one of these groups on first glance. But upon further reflection and research I’ve come to the conclusion that at best, these people are well-intentioned with little grasp of logic, and at worst just plain anti-psychiatry nutjobs.

What Happens When Your Doctor Gives Up On You?

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Jul 19, 2010

I have had two doctors give up on my bipolar disorder (mostly depression) treatment. One almost a decade ago, and one just a couple of months ago. I didn’t take the most recent doctor abandonment all that well, as I’ve mentioned. In fact, if I saw the woman today, I’d still want to call her a cunt. An unfeeling, malpracticing, cold-hearted cunt. It seems I’m still a little upset about it.

A Doctor Giving Up on You is Unacceptable

But regardless as to my personal feelings about this woman, I feel that a doctor dismissing a patient without referral, medication, treatment or care, is unacceptable. It leaves the ill person with few visible options outside of suicide. A depression, suicidal person with no options. Peachy. These doctors are killing people through their own ignorance.

So, what should you do if your doctor gives up on your treatment? (You know, other than call them nasty names online, which I heartily recommend. It’s cathartic. HealthyPlace isn’t a fan of such things, however.)

Are You Bipolar? Do You Have Bipolar Disorder?

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Jul 12, 2010

When you think of mental illness, bipolar disorder, do you consider yourself to be bipolar or do you think of yourself as someone who has bipolar disorder? Just like: Bipolars have mood swings vs. people who suffer from bipolar disorder have mood swings. (I also think I’m crazy, and no, I don’t think “crazy” is derogatory necessarily.)

HealthyPlace Writing Clears Up Bipolar Confusion – I Am Bipolar

Personally, I say I’m bipolar all the time. I don’t have a problem with “being bipolar.” I know some people do dislike this concept for psychological reasons though, so on Breaking Bipolar there’s Are You Bipolar, Or Do You Have Bipolar Disorder?

Do Others Want You to Deny You Are Bipolar?

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Jul 9, 2010

It’s pretty common to deny you have bipolar disorder, before, and even during diagnosis of bipolar disorder. None of us wants to be sick, and none of us wants to be crazy-sick (sick-crazy, crazy and sick?). And it can take us a long time to come to terms with living with a mental illness like bipolar disorder.

Deny You Have Bipolar Disorder?

But sometimes, worse is the fact that those around us want to deny, or want us to deny, our bipolar disorder. They want us not to talk about bipolar, or to “control the symptoms of bipolar” or they just don’t believe in mental illness or treat it like a disease at all.

So earlier this week I wrote a piece at Breaking Bipolar about Bipolar and Denial. (Hint, I’m not for it.)

It’s Scary to Show People Bipolar, and Not Just Tell Them

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Jun 28, 2010

There are two types of writing I do about bipolar. The first type talks about being bipolar, what it’s like, information around it and so on. It’s generally not overly emotional. The second type is written from the point of view of my bipolar, period. It’s not therapied or controlled or softened.

And that second type really bothers people.

Showing People Bipolar Disorder

It has happened many times over the years that people have come onto my blog and gotten upset at my very “real” writing. Often bipolars tell me it expresses exactly how they were feeling and they are grateful. Others though, complain that I’m illogical, need help, and am just generally crazy. They want to yell at me, for expressing the sickness. Yell at me for showing bipolar disorder as it is.

So today on HealthyPlace I write some more about showing someone the bipolar versus just telling them about it.