I’ve been super stressed lately. I have so many deadlines and I’ve been working on so many projects and I have so many requests to process it’s unbelievable. And, in clear Natasha fashion, many of these things were left to the last minute due to time constraints (and admitted procrastination). Oh, and it was my birthday on Monday which I nary had a moment for.
On top of all that, I had a speaking engagement yesterday. This speaking engagement was for the Bipolar Disorder Society of British Columbia. I do many presentations for them but recently the presentation was changed at their request. No problem, but trying out this new material and fitting it into the existing timeline (which can already run long) was making me nervous. And, while usually I give this presentation to teens, this time I was giving it to teachers. This, too, was making me nervous. Teachers can be a bit critical – trust me.
Really, there was no reason to be nervous, but, secretly, I’m nervous before pretty much every speaking engagement. Luckily, no one ever knows this (except, of course, for you) but the nerves are there.
My “Normal” Bipolar Anxiety Plus Massive Stressors
So, you put my “normal” bipolar anxiety with the massive stress I was under, plus the nerves I was feeling and my anxiety was off the flipping charts.
And when things are like that, I know that one of two things will happen. The stress and anxiety will either make me hypomanic or depressed. In other words, massive stress will destabilize my mood. Period. Yes, I know it’s coming, and yes, I do it anyway. Just call me an overachiever (or masochistic).
So yesterday, when I got home from my speaking engagement I was both very tired and hungry. I chose the two needs that I prefer – rest (slash sleep). I curled up on my couch, with my cat’s nose about two inches from my own, and closed my eyes and rested. I actually fell asleep, which almost never happens.
My eyes surprisingly popped open about 70 minutes later (and no, people with bipolar shouldn’t be napping – sue me) and I actually wasn’t feeling too bad.
The rest had, in fact, made things better. The rest had revived me. The rest, seemingly, reduced the impact of all of that stress and anxiety.
The Value of Rest in Bipolar Disorder
And amazingly, when I woke up this morning, I was neither hypomanic nor particularly depressed.
Huh. That rest thing had really worked.
This reminded me that I absolutely need to make time for some serious resting moments. I’m actually pretty good about this, but occasionally, when stress takes hold, I forget about it, or my anxiety seems to make it impossible to rest. And, admittedly, lying on the couch not doing anything productive does feel like a waste of time very often.
But, if rest can reduce bipolar mood dysregulation, then I’m all for it and I consider this to be an excellent reminder and lesson: rest in bipolar disorder is good. Let’s all remember this people and make time for the rest we need. We’ll thank ourselves for it.
I am starting to understand quite a bit more now about bipolar disorder. About 10 months after we have our first baby I had mania of an epic proportion attacking my husband over something so small. When I was pregnant the sadness, fits of rage and depression had all gone away but boy did it come back twice as hard after. So the last mania state at 10 months of my sons life was going to be my last I told myself. As we would have probably ended our relationship in a divorce since he couldn’t handle it anymore. I felt panicked inside my marriage was going to end I felt like my live should end and I just couldn’t let any of this happen to my little guy. I came from a broken home and was molested by my step father and beaten, I figured I had survived that I could survive this. The next day I went and saw my family doctor immediately, he told me I had a mental illness!!! Me a mental illness…NO WAY I THOUGHT!! So I started taking the medication I’m able to get out of bed, not think about just driving my car into a wall or off a cliff I’m able to be happy …. most of the time. Until today when I had a manic episode which was really bad but my husband still doesn’t understand I need to be left alone, he picks and pokes at me and keeps going on telling me im the problem, I’m always the problem. I don’t know what to do anymore to get him to help me ……. I know before I thought I was right about everything … but now can I be wrong about everything??? He seems to think so.
Hi Shelley,
I don’t know the situation you are in, but i do know about domestic violence. There is a ‘domestic violence wheel’ and a ‘power and control wheel’ look them up on line, if you like. they help to define what DV looks like. You will be able to look and see if you or your husband fits in that category. It is possible that is it NOT you and it very well could be him and sometimes we have no idea that what we are doing is abusive. We with mental illness often want to blame ourselves and people without mi want to blame us too, but it is not always us. There is a book called “Why does he do that” that many have found to be very helpful to see if a relationship is abusive or not. Hope this helps and best of luck to you.
I am so exhausted with life right now. When this happens I start to question why I am here, what is my place in this world, am I doing what I am meant to be doing. I know this is a good thing to think about these things but too much is so depressing and so irritating right now. Every year late July and August are just horrible for me. Mood wise, life wise, everything. I have yet to find a way to combat it, I try to ignore it, in fact this year I forgot about it until I went downhill. I thought it was a self fullfilling prophecy but I have now figured out that isn’t true so I need to take a hard look at what happens in July and August every year, for the past 16 years. That was the time when I was 20 that I was admitted to a mental hospital for a major breakdown, psychotic episode too. And every year since then, it never fails, this time is horrible. And I cannot dissect it right now because I am exhausted. Just trying to get through the days so I can sleep at night. It is horrible to only look forward to bedtime…
It’s late. I listen to my husband snoring. I’m up because I hurt so bad. But I always feel it’s an inconvenience to them if Im not doing well. He get disappointed because all he wants is for me to be happy. I’M NOT HAPPY. I have long spells of being down. Just getting out of bed ans taking a shower is a massive chore. I’m trying to do what they want. I started taking classes but I just can’t keep it going…and that just makes be feel worse. I would give anything for a high period. I think I will never feel up again. I want to go to sleep and not wake up.
Please someone, talk to me.
hi alison, reading your post was like hearing my own voice. it is a BIG deal to become vertical, everything else is extra. we push and push every day just to get out of bed. once up, we push and push more to make food or shower or . . .(fill in the blank). sometimes i think if breathing were not automatic, i’d stop breathing too.
i found out i was anemic and that made me feel worse so taking iron has helped a great deal. making me take the pill is even hard! taking care of “self” is hard work! sometimes it is not just the mi causing issues. it is easier now to get out of bed. it doesn’t take the anxiety or depression away, but now i can breath and move without getting winded. makes it so i can fake it better!!!
hang in there!
That really sounds like worsening depression. Please call your doctor to see if they can give you something to help you over this hump.
There are certainly moments when depression is somewhat manageable, and you can get through your day – this is not one of those moments.
You have read my mind Allison, would have rather had all four wisdom teeth pulled then took a shower yesterday. Wish I could help you. Sorry I can’t.
Hi Tracy,
First i want to say how grateful I am for your blog. It is our go to place when we feel we can’t do this anymore. Thank you.
One month ago I moved into a basement of a house. The person we live under knew all about my mental health issues and I thought she was caring and compassionate, but she’s been making some really mean hearted, hurtful, and sarcastic comments of late. Some about things I don’t care about, like my taste in clothes or how we decorate.
I am often suicidal sometimes, just thinking about it, other times ready to end it all, so when she insults me, it just puts us into a spiral down with each insult. But when she adds sarcastic comments about about my mental health, it hurts more deeply. Then the cycle begins.
So I woke this morning a bit manic, irritable, but excited about my new project. Making a sofa from a twin bed and pallet boards (she know full well because I have told her many times, I am frickin POOR! I can’t afford even a Craig’s list sofa!) when I told her about my idea, she made a snide comment about my sofa on wheels and me hiding under the staircase (referring to my fear, hunkering down, agoraphobia, anti everything state of mind). Not an hour later she said, “Hey lets go shopping to find you a sofa and then go out to dinner!”
(feeling confused) I declined in an email.
I am regret that I told her about us. she uses the things that hurt me a lot against me I have found so she is not a safe person to share with. I can’t just ignore her and I can’t tell her how it hurts. What would you suggest I say to her when she is sarcastic? A one liner that is not hurtful but to the point would be nice. Comments for all readers are welcome too. I am not suicidal today, but if this continues, I know how it will turn out if I don’t find a healthy way to rethink this. I really need this to stop. I may not get her to stop, but I can choose how I take it in. I hope!
thank you all ahead of time.
I hear you as a fellow ten year basement dweller, at least until my father died two years ago and my greedy brother decided to use my ongoing conflict with local corrupt police to make my situation worse. One labeled no goo be gone product will remove it, especially when corrupt officials decide to use It as tool. I think I’m better off though as I lived beneath my mother who seems a bit like the woman you are speaking of. You seem to be an easy target for someone else. Do something positive and you are put in your place. Be negative and it’s you fault. Can’t win with these people. Don’t try. Avoid at all costs and hope the situation of your living arrangements will be able to change. Salvation army around here has sofa’s, nice ones for about 50-75 dollars. Can prob. get a charity like catholic social services to give you one for free, or at least have the one you buy delivered free. Not being sexist or anything but they are usually much more helpful to women then men. Anyway good luck with the project. I think maybe the project would be more expensive than the other option as I’m very good with those thing. Would like to know your details on that. If I didn’t know how to fix my own car I would NEVER be able to afford one. As I have the skills and tools I can normally keep it going. Biggest prob. is usually must work on it at like 2 A.M. due to my social anxiety. Poor, I know what that’s like. Heard once a poor person say. Poor is knowing what everything costs. Isn’t that the truth others don’t understand. Poverty makes thinks like my illness and my fathers death much, much worse. My brother made sure of that by making me homeless for four months immediately after my fathers death. Additionally as I physically scare him ( for not just reason other then my size ) waited only hours after I had surgery and was in much pain to execute his plan. Some sick people in the world. Avoiding them as best you can is the only way.
Thanks for all the ideas Will. the phobia of going out to get a sofa is hard one too. Maybe I could call Catholic Community Services and they might deliver. Maybe I will try it, maybe not. I am perfectly happy with the bed sofa, seriously! i feel blessed that I have something comfy! I put on some blankets and I took a 4 hour nap today!
She has said she doesn’t want a “lice/bedbug infested sofa in her home”. I will either keep what I have or go against her and ignore her wishes. I am after all paying rent and have a lease, she cannot really make those kinds of decisions for me. For now I am OK with what I have but thank you. It does make me start to think of options.
Funny your last sentence, “Some sick people in the world. Avoiding them as best you can is the only way.” Here I am the diagnosed one for being “sick”. People avoid me after they meet me so I beat them to the punch, I avoid people at almost all costs. Thankfully I can keep myself company without any problems; I rather like the way we are!
I am fortunate in so many ways, i have a car if I have to, I can live in it. I have also been homeless and kinda wish I were again. I was at least free! I went when I wanted to, I slept where ever, camping was great in the summer and along the southwest part of the country. No one ever noticed me at rest stops and my dog was a great alarm. I felt invisible most of the time. However, showing and toileting was a challenge. But I was free.
Trying not to go there though. i want to find a way to feel strong inside, I want to know that her (or anyone) opinion of me is not me. I know I am a good person (i never hurt a soul) no matter what she thinks, and my value is not from having money and wealth, it is from being a living sentient human being and that is all that matters. I just have to constantly remind myself of these things. Also, like Natasha said, to think in a logical manner.
I guess what hurts the most is that I shared a very sensitive part of my heart with her and now she is using what i shared with her to hurt me. She is kicking me while I am down; it is such a betrayal of trust. Another nail in my coffin in a way unless I can get a hammer and pound it out.
I keep trying to hold on to the belief that we are all going through this to make us better people. More caring, more thoughtful etc. I try so hard not to be bitter or a martyr. I just want to live my life and try to find happiness. whatever that is!
Thank you so much for your support and great ideas!
Denise, so hard to get going to respond to you as I sense such honesty and integrity and intelligence. I feel I must respond in the same way. I even hope I don’t make mistakes in spelling ( am o.k. but not a great speller as not a scrabble player or writer, mostly just read, almost never write. As well ideas go faster than discipline ). As to the sofa bed I guess you figured out the technical details and solved the problem. Other then not liking the final product that is all that is important ( other than landlords, building inspectors etc., they can create problems for the financially challenged. Those who’s assets are not currently liquid as they say ). I have a friend who, no lie, has had two kidney transplants and two pancreas transplants and is going again into hernia surgery soon. I work for him unofficially and rent and evict etc. tenants for him and see the other side of the tenant, landlord situation and can tell you he gets the shaft more often than not by being a nice guy and renting to those who don’t fit the mold of those who shouldn’t be rented to. I in good conscience can no longer give him advice to rent to people who have a history of destroying previous properties. As to the reference to sick people you are right. I think it goes to the old quote ” you must be insane to live in an insane world or you yourself are insane”, not an exact quote but something like that. The furniture thing is fairly simple I believe. The Salvation Army, CSS, etc. steam clean etc. all mattresses and other furniture or at least are required to inspect such before selling or donating. Trusting the authorities of course is a different question? Bedbugs are spread through carbon dioxide as far as I know and mainly through the casual breath from one to the other. I know it is not a sign of uncleanliness etc. Anyone, even those living in the cleanest, sterile looking places can and do spread this just by talking to each other from the co2 from their breath. Maybe I’m wrong please look into, I like you have a lot on my mind. When I was homeless I wasn’t in the traditional way. I lived in north P.A. neat the upstate N.Y. border in an old hunting cabin owned by my brother in law. Not so bad except for the total dependence on my jeep working ( luckily it held out and still is ). That and I had no water and no where to bath when it was a very hot summer. In our modern society hard to function without being clean and presentable, even in a rural community almost off the map. Lastly, your right there is a freedom of mind when no one expects anything from you, but believe me in these and all situation being a woman is different from being a man for better of worse. Usually both and sharing private things with leaches is the worst you can do unless you can do what Natasha and I do and maybe yourself. Separate your reason and emotion and when the predator comes turn on the reason as best you can and don’t let go. Those who use your emotion against you deserve no better. Those who use your innermost weaknesses against you deserve nothing but the same done to them in return. Usually, they In my opinion are the weakest of all. You just need to get to them.
How do you rest when the main symptom of a manic episode is not being able to sleep? I started with a PTSD attack that pushed me into a manic episode that lasted over two months. I was off the walls, so finally my partner took me to the hospital and they admitted me. It took lorazepam to put me to sleep. Does anyone take the regularly? I suppose asking my Dr to prescribe some to have on hand, but other than that one night I still didn’t sleep. It was the scariest and longest episode in a long time, probably because PTSD was a part of it, that was a first.
Oh boy Kendal, I sure have had a few of those myself and am so grateful when they stop. I too would like to know the answer to your question. I cannot take meds because of addiction and/or adverse side effects so I am drug free most of the time. I fall off the wagon from time to time. I do have a trauma yoga therapist that helps a lot. She’s taught me about breathing, yoga, and cardio exercise to help calm myself, but often even those things do nothing to stop the mania, paranoia, and fear from the ptsd. I have been known to do jumping jacks till i could barely breath. Thankfully I live in a basement. Can’t wait to hear Natasha’s input.
Hi Denise, I am addicted to opiates, so we have to be careful with what I take. Because I have Lupus along with bad back and neck pain I am on methadone, so it helps not just with my pain but takes away my cravings for opiates. I also walk for my exercise, and I followed all the coping advice from my therapist but with the PTSD it fueled my paranoia, I was obsessing on my breathing, numbers, a star. It was absolutely terrifying, I spent time thinking I had to get my heartbeat down to one a minute. I think it went back to my Mom’s car wreck when she died, I was with her, but I don’t remember anything. It was like everything that’s locked inside my brain all screaming to get out.
Natasha, I really appreciate not just your input, but all the writing you do, it’s a great help. I’m going to talk to my Psychiatrist about what to do. They switched me to Zyprexa during the episode, and it made me into a walking zombie, I’d fall asleep but immediately I bolted awake. Too wired to sleep, my poor partner and in laws really had a taste of the worst that is Bipolar. I’m really lucky to have them, they were very caring and didn’t dwell on the things I did.
I am so sorry Kendal, glad you have the methadone though, i’ve not tried it. i sure can relate to the obsessing thing! HA! glad I am not alone in it! on top of the bipolar (2) i have other issues. i had a very violent household and i was raised by a hoarder (things were more important to her then her family) so my place has to be really clean and organized or i get confused, disoriented, space out (DID) and then severely depressed. because it is never clean enough (for me) i am almost always out of it and or depressed.
i freak when people give me gifts. literally fearful like someone pointing a gun in my face. the thought of more things in my house sends me into a panic. no one can give me anything for x-mas or birthdays. when holidays roll around it is really hard. I tell people not to ever buy me anything, they don’t listen and i end up throwing everything they give me in the thrift store. I am terrified of shopping too. it is terrible! getting food in the house or new clothes, awful! most people laugh at me, they don’t understand fear.
funny, it never really connected the dots before this. light bulb moment!
drug wise, i am almost afraid to try anything anymore. i have not seen a doctor in about a year for mental health issues. paranoid? not sure. i don’t trust them. they’ve given me so many drugs and so many have horrid side affects. then the doc tells me i am imagining the side effects. maybe i am? i don’t know!
medicare is starting for me in 4 months, with the help of my lawyer, i am looking for a psych doc who takes medicare. my docs have been regular md’s so they don’t get the mental illness stuff. i sometimes think they think we can control our actions and what is happening or that we are trying to manipulate them. i really do not know, i just know i don’t like how i am treated so i stay away from the medical people as much as possible.
pain is no fun. many relatives of mine would be in constant pain had it not been for methadone, fentinal, and morphine.
Seems i get doctors that don’t believe me so i get frustrated and give up. then i stay home and crawl into bed and get more depressed, then suicidal thoughts come etc . . .thank goodness for my therapist i see each week. if she were not there, i am sure i’d not be either. she saves my life each week.
thanks for sharing Kendal. thanks for letting me share too.
I am so glad Natasha has this forum. thank you too Natasha!
sorry i am scattered today. thoughts are jumping all over the place today.
Denise,
I understand having a bad childhood, I also had one, sexual, physical, emotional abuse. Though I had a very loving Mom until she was killed by a drunk semi-driver. I was 12, but in that time she taught me how to be strong and see the good in life; without her love I don’t know if I would have known how to relate with others. My Dad had schizophrenia, so her sanity was very important to me siblings and I. I am on disability too, but I miss working. I paint, try to keep up with my blog, and have our 3 cats to keep me company while my partner works.
I used to be very obsessed with cleaning, and it drove people nuts, but with time I’ve learned that clutter doesn’t mean dirty. If I do get crazy my partner has learned just to let me be lol. That is horrible people laugh at you, perhaps they need a little education on mental health issues and how traumatic it is for those of us that have to live with it. I don’t feel sorry for myself, I am proud of how far I have come. I try to talk about it in hopes that someone will learn something from me.
We had to stay with a friend of a family and they were hoarders, so I understand where you are coming from, it was horrible!! The smells (They lived on a trout farm), the bugs, and I just don’t know how anyone can live like that let alone make children live through it. It was only little while for us, so I can’t imagine how one survives living that way all the time. You are still here, so you are obviously a strong woman! Take care, and it’s nice talking to you. Do you have a Twitter account? Mine is @Force10Rulz
hi kendal, no i do not have a twitter or facebook i just do this. bout all i can muster. thankfully i live alone~~sort of. the owner of the house is upstairs and she checks on me daily, she knows i have depression and suicidal at times. she isn’t up on all my stuff but she is good to me. she always gives me her left over food when she goes out to make sure i am eating.
how can i read your blog? is it like this one? is this called a blog? i am so dumb when it comes to this stuff.
I have a dog, she keeps me going too but i feel bad that i don’t take as good of care of her as i’d like. adding to the anxiety. i know i should take her for a walk today but i can’t make myself get it moving. i just want to be in bed but was there for 12 hours. i have to get going! heavy sigh.
i don’t feel sorry for myself either, i am just ashamed of myself that i can’t muster whatever it is to get my butt movin’. id just assume not be here most of the time. i feel ashamed that i have this beautiful place to live, a sweet little dog that adores me, an incredible therapist, and so much more, sooo many gifts but i don’t want to live!!! it looks like i don’t appreciate things, but I do! i think!
I want what I can’t have, to be with my husband who died 3 years ago. he didn’t die unexpectedly like your mom did, and i was older, not a child, that would be really hard! my heart aches for you!!! but he died nonetheless and i miss him waay too much. there is just no joy in life without him. no one to do things with like we did. trying to be alone and happy for the first time in my life with this frickin mental illness just frustrates me to no end!
i have had agoraphobia most of my life; he took me places, we went camping, hiking, little concerts, grocery store, he made me feel safe. then suddenly he was gone! i was married almost 30 years of my life and suddenly single! i felt like i’d been thrown into a propeller of an airplane and told to fly! i am still holding on the the propeller and can’t let go i guess.
id be interested in seeing your blog. is it like this one? i wish i knew how to do this kind of thing.
HI Denise, click on my name, it’s a link to my blog (-:
love your blog! your art is perfect! thank you!
Hi Kendal,
Not sleeping is a big problem with manias as not sleeping tends to make the manias worse so it’s a self-feeding cycle.
As for what to do about it, I think medication is really the only option. You can certainly try relaxation exercises and meditation first, but I suspect those won’t work with a serious mood.
As to which medication in particular, that’s a question for your doctor but I can tell you that I take a sleep medication regularly and if I’m getting hypomanic (I don’t get manic) I just take a bit extra and that makes me sleep _and_ quells the hypomania.
(By the way, not all sleep medications are like lorazapam – sometimes people use antipsychotics or other medications that are non-addictive as sleep aids and that works well for many people.)
– Natasha Tracy
Be careful with Lorazepam. I was prescribed it twenty years ago with no advice on it’s power for addiction. After taking for a couple years decided to stop thinking maybe didn’t need it anymore. The anxiety I experienced when trying to stop was the worst I think maybe any human being is capable of experiencing so I continued to take it for another seven and a half years. It took me six months to wean myself off it and in that six months I rarely left the house and when I did it was always like three in the morning. I find xanax far less addictive and only take when really nervous. For sleep if worried about addiction an OTC drug called doxylamine succinate I find very helpful even when feeling really unable to sleep. Take like 25 mg to start and more if needed. It gives a slight hangover but doesn’t cause the rls that I have at times since a child (it’s a very real problem believe me contrary to people making fun of those with it). Every heroin addict I know says coming off benzodiazapine addiction is far worse than any opiate is. FAR worse, especially those prone to anxiety initially. Your results may vary.
Thanks Will, the last thing I want is to get on another drug that can be addictive. My last manic lasted from the end of May through August, so probably 3 months would be too long to take Lorazepam. I’m glad you told me about your experience, it’s horrible to get off an addictive drug.
Hi there,
I’ve found that vigorous cleaning really takes away the edge off a mania. This is partly due to the exercise, but I think it is mainly because I don’t like cleaning, and because it is a down to earth activity, that it reduces grandiosity also. I strongly suggest giving the bath or shower a serious scrub-down. Then the stove, the toilet, and the car.
Generally, I would agree that it’s best to have a routine for sleep. (I should take my own advice!) However, I find that, when in a depressed cycle (as now, actually) I need more than 7-8 hours sleep a night. Given the daily family routines, I rarely get to bed before 1am – I try hard not to go any later. However, I have to rise at 7pm whatever because, living as the sole parent for much of the time with two kids, I have to get up and get them ready for school as well as get them there on time. If I do manage to get to bed at midnight, that gives me 7 hours sleep, which is enough when I’m not depressed! But it isn’t when I *am* depressed. So, I either nap when I get back from taking the kids to school or I soldier on through the say and may the fall asleep early or mid evening.
I should add, I find being asleep helps me cope with depression because, weirdly enough, I rarely feel depressed in my dreams. So, sleep helps me travel through the some of the worst of the black period blissfully unaware I’m in it until I wake up. As we know, the dark periods always end eventually, even if they do come back again later. However, as we all appreciate, knowing that a depression will come to an end eventually is not always enough to survive it because we don’t know how long it will last and the pain of it may be unbearable anyway. So, whatever we can do to distract ourselves from the ‘pain’ helps us get through. Sleep – anytime I feel tired – is what works for me.
Hi all,
For the folks wondering about why you shouldn’t nap, you might want to read my piece on how to sleep better: https://natashatracy.com/mental-illness-issues/beating-insomnia-sleep-better/
– Natasha Tracy
Hello, I am in the same boat kind of. Missed my meeting with my shrink because I did not want to leave the music therapy group I was attending. Oops, I did see my mental health nurse and reschedule until Monday to go along with a job interview if have. Time management will be the key, got home and the dog is barking at me wanting to play, cat looking at me to turn the tape on so she can have a drink. Hello, I just want to have a smoke and relax, but I have to check my e-mail and twitter before that happens. So here we are blah, blah, blah. lol Thank You for letting me vent, and take care,Andy
I’ve been up over sixty-six and a half hours now. I’ve tried for years and years to follow a normal sleep cycle and find it impossible and frustrating beyond belief. I’ve given up even trying. What I do know is stay up as long as i can when not suicidal and sleep as much as I can when suicidal. My record is five and a half days awake when in my teens and approx thirty-six hours continuous sleep.
Happy belated birthday chick-let!
I could’ve written this article myself it was so ME
I push myself,then get anxious/ depressed
But naps to me are like gifts from God.
Not only do I feel refreshed I feel stabilized.
The best psych I ever had said it simply but best Sandra,w your rapid cycling you need rest / sleep more than FOOD.
You can always catch up on the food.
I’ve snuggled up ear to ear w my kitty as well,too.
There’s something about their warmth and their purring that is tranquilizing in itself,don’t you agree?
I do.
Subtle feline fabliso shall we name it,for lack of a better classical name?
Hey,I’m a classic rocker not classical music person!
Though like some Mozart …Today irionically is my rest day..so will carry on as per social workers orders & be good…hmmm…wonder how long that’ll last?
No,seriously so whipped typing is hurting…SOOOOO…hope your birthday was awesome,many more to come!!!
Xxxxxxxxxx. :-)
Hey there, happy birthday! Was there cake? Silly hats? Lots of presents?
Ahem. To the point… I just published a post on my blog that among other things mentions the value of regular sleep. I hadn’t read your post yet, but it seems we were thinking along the same lines, at least on that topic. What I didn’t mention there is that I nap regularly; I’d never heard the thing about the fact that people with bipolar shouldn’t nap. I just can’t stay awake in the afternoon without a nap. I wonder sometimes if it’s that I don’t get enough sleep at night, or that my noontime meds are making me sleepy… or any number of other things. Or maybe my body just works better that way. I dunno. Anyway, thank you for your post, you always have great stuff to say, very thoughtful!
A routine of rest where you go to bed and wake at the same time everyday is highly effective in maintaining and regaining wellness.
We are not all biologically the same. I am not capable of it. I’ve tried for thirty or so years and I do not have anything that resemble a 24 hour sleep cycle. Of course no friends or family respect that. Keeping a job totally out of the question. In this I have never met another like myself. Remember at like 13 years old sneaking out the window to walk in the park near my house then going to school so tired couldn’t keep eyes open. Terrible grades. Then in university when could pick times of classes and usually didn’t have to show up other then exams had a 3.87/4.00 gpa. I would make a great test study.
Huh, I’d not heard the nap thing before, but that makes a lot of sense from personal experience. For all the ways my body and brain have tried to shaft me over the years, they have both made exceedingly clear that sleeping during the day (wherever that feel on my schedule) was a terrible idea and would make me feel infinitely worse.
Happy Birthday Natasha, seems like a bad time for a birthday this time of year in the north. Anytime in Jan.or Feb. Love your pretty cat if that is yours. I feed the homeless cats everyday outside the development I live in. I may be turning into the crazy cat MAN not woman. What I must say is it appears to me, don’t get me wrong or get piss– that you may have your disease under control more than you think. I personally can’t get anything productive going. I woke up three days ago and for some reason felt like what I suppose a normal person feels. A slight feeling of anticipation for what the day shall bring and then trying to get the day going the best I can. Most days I sleep as long as I can dreading and fearing all about life and especially how my actions will make things worse and not better.. Including my Dr. visits fearing I’m saying the wrong thing due to my politics and continuing attacks on police corruption in the city I live in, then being locked up for these. My local newspaper seems to censor any opinions that even slightly deviate from the status quo It seems very dangerous and creates much stress but I feel I must do some thing as now one else dares question the police in my area. Just this week they shot a schizophrenic man and instead of hospitalizing him they put him in the solitary bowels of the county prison. Another similar case happened just the week before, as well as one of the prison guards who has been raping female prisoners for almost ten years finally being brought (hopefully) to justice. The pt. I’m trying to make is (I know my thinking and it’s tangents a bit odd (weather that’s my illness or not I don’t know), how can you have this disease and function at this level. I can’t even imagine at this pt. working at a full time job as a mid-level engineer and functioning at all in any way without immediately being let go. Where you at one pt. very,very suicidal 7-10 days a month and just normally depressed and feeling worthless the rest of the month and have maybe 1-2 days per. mo. that give you some hope to hang on. Please tell me what the secret is and what medications you are on etc. I’m extremely interested. I need a way out and really want to know your story. Maybe I just have a more severe case, but somehow I think not. I think you may have a way to deal I don’t understand. I really need help. I don’t know how much longer I can last. Thanks for listening. I know,especially from this post how busy you are. Maybe you’re taking too much on.
Hi Will,
I can’t say how severe a case mine is, or anyone else’s is, for that matter, I only know my pain and it’s severe to me. I only know my desire to die and that’s severe to me.
That being said, yes, I still am productive. I don’t know how or why I just know I always have been. I know that if I’m not, I won’t be able to pay my rent, so that’s motivation. But moreover, I’ve just always been a “work-centered” person. Work has always mattered to me as has the quality of my work. I’m not big on goal-setting in the long term (like, I want to get X number of subscribers in 6 months) I just know that I work in the short-term (like, I have to write two articles today). And I don’t let myself off the hook very often. If I _have_ to write 2 articles that day then I _have_ to sit there until I do it.
But no one should base their productivity on anyone else. What I recommend to people is just to make goals they can achieve in a day, and then increase them slightly over time. So, it might be to wash the dishes in the sink one day, or if that is too much, then only washing one dish. One is better than none and if that’s an achievable goal, then it’s a good one.
And I can’t comment on your decisions making things better or worse, I can only say that, one decision at a time, we have to do what is best for ourselves and our health.
I’m not sure if that’s helpful, but it’s what there is. There is no secret. Sorry.
– Natasha Tracy
(Oh, and that’s not my cat, but mine are cute too :)
– Natasha Tracy
Happy (belated) Birthday! I have found that the biggest trigger for a major bipolar episode is lack of sleep, so I try to keep a fairly reasonable schedule when it comes to rest. However, I struggle with insomnia from time to time, so that usually trips me up whether I like it or not. And I am notorious for taking on too many projects/obligations at a time and then collapsing under all the stress. It’s one of those things I don’t mean to do but it somehow happens anyway. I need to pay more attention to PREVENTING that from happening :)
Well HAPPY BIRTHDAY you wonderful lady you! And happy birthday to you too Harryf200!
I am so happy for you that you have your life together enough to accomplish thing even with all the mental health issues. You are an amazing young lady! It’s great that you recognize when you need to care for yourself and how to do it!
Belated ‘Happy Birthday’ to a fellow Ultradian Aquarian! (We Ultradian Aquarians must stick together!!! :¬) )
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