Today I want to talk about how hopelessness plus suffering often equals suicide. Just suffering or just being hopeless often isn’t enough. It’s when these things come together that a suicide attempt is made. And while these two variables are not the only ones that can lead to suicide, hopelessness and suffering sure are big ones.
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Most people will lose consciousness during a suicide attempt and, assuming they survive, it will be quite a jolt when they wake up after a suicide attempt. I know, I’ve been there. I remember the feeling (or, more accurately, feelings) of waking up after a suicide attempt. For some, it is grateful joy, for others, it is the darkest of disappointments. I think, though, waking up after a suicide attempt changes you no matter what. I also think that lessons can be learned at this time.
(Note: If you have just attempted suicide, this post isn’t for you — this post is.)
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I’d like to spend some time this World Suicide Prevention Day sharing what I feel are life-saving suicide posts for people that are suicidal and for those who are not. I’ve spent more than a decade writing about suicide, suicide attempts and other mental health-related topics. I’ve covered a lot of ground. These posts have helped save lives over and over. No, this isn’t ego talking, this is the power of words talking. Suicide information does have the power to be life-saving.
So, if you are suicidal or if you need to support someone who might be suicidal, please review these suicide-related posts.
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When I read about Jeffery Epstein’s suicide*, the first thing I thought was, “Well, it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.” But then I heard a reporter on television says that Epstein’s suicide robbed his victims** of justice and this got me thinking: Is it better to have a crime’s perpetrator in jail or dead? Put simply if you were a sex-trafficking victim of Epstein, if he had turned your adolescence into a nightmare for months or longer, would you prefer that he be dead or in prison?
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As a person with bipolar, I can tell you, I did and I didn’t ask for help before my suicide attempt. I had been asking for mental health help, begging for help with bipolar disorder before my suicide attempt; however, I did not seek out suicide-specific help before my suicide attempt. And while we have data saying that many people see a doctor before attempting suicide, what we also know is that many people with bipolar disorder are not asking for help before a suicide attempt — even if they do see a doctor.
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I have battled with what I now know is depression for the better part of a decade – since my teenage years. At the time, I didn’t see it as depression, it was simply a part of who I was. What my parents once considered to be nothing more than bouts of teenage angst, was something much more sinister. A while back I learned (in therapy) that most of my energy went into keeping me “above the surface.” Fighting like this really is a draining experience. It drained me emotionally, as well as physically.
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September is National Suicide Prevention Month, and so I want to talk suicide and bipolar. But I don’t just want to talk about suicide and bipolar disorder, I want to straight talk about it. I don’t want to get caught up in stigma or political correctness or whitewashing the pain. Because I believe we need to really talk about suicide to show that suicide is not a dirty word and to help all those who struggle with it.
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Last week I tattooed over my suicide attempt scars. This isn’t because I wanted to cover every scar on my body – quite frankly, I have tens of self-harm scars – this is for other reasons. Covering specifically my suicide attempt scars with a tattoo is symbolic. I consider it positive and I hope its permanency will remind me of its positivity for the rest of my life.
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Suicide in the LGBTQ community is rampant. And in those in the LGBTQ community with bipolar disorder, it’s even worse. Please help stem that tide.
I know many of you are straight — most of you are, in fact. But I’m not. I’m bisexual. I’m part of the LGBTQ community and I’m asking for your help to stop suicide in this community and especially in the community where an LGBTQ person also has bipolar disorder. A queer youth with bipolar disorder has the very highest risk of suicide. This double-whammy of a sexuality that many won’t accept and an illness that can take your life is something that is almost impossible to deal with.
Almost.
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