I suffer from anhedonia in bipolar depression and this leads to a lack of motivation. And when I say “suffer” I mean freaking suffer. I mean it’s horrible. I mean it’s probably the worst part about my bipolar depressions. Anhedonia is the inability to experience pleasure. Most people cannot conceptualize of this, but believe me, anhedonia in depression is a real thing and a real problem.
People have said to me, “Stop being so negative about bipolar disorder!” People feel free to critique me at any moment and make sweeping statements like that at any time. It comes with being read by so many, I suppose. So when someone says I’m writing about bipolar disorder too negatively, it is not the first time and I would imagine it won’t be the last. I, however, feel I am quite realistic about bipolar – not overly negative or positive.
Assisted outpatient treatment (AOT) is finally coming into its own. After so many people fighting for the rights of the seriously mentally ill for a decade, this lifesaving treatment option is finally available in the vast majority of states. But many people feel that assisted outpatient treatment denies civil liberties. I would argue, however, assisted outpatient treatment actually upholds civil liberties, not to mention upholds societal ethics.
There is no amount of bipolar pain that can kill you, we have the ultimate power over suicide. I have suffered and suffered and suffered for so long that I know this to be true. Yes, people attempt/commit suicide, I know. But it isn’t because of the amount of pain, per se, it’s because they don’t see a way out of it. Because emotionally, I can hit you and hit you and hit you and you just won’t, cannot, die. Some days I wish this weren’t true. Some days I wish that the extreme pain would just kill me, that I would just get walloped that one last time and die. Like running into the final brick wall that bipolar offers only to find it really took my head clean off. I have learned, though, that I have the ultimate power over a death by suicide.
Bipolar disorder is a deadly illness – make no mistake about it. Approximately 11% of those with bipolar die of suicide while up to 50% attempt suicide. This is something to be taken very, very seriously. I am one of those who have attempted suicide and I know about the importance of treating a suicidal crisis the right way, the humane way, the way that actually works to make people better.
I also know how infrequently this happens. I also know how people find going to the hospital a negative experience. I also know how some people have experienced dehumanizing treatment after experiencing a suicidal crisis. It seems that healthcare professionals forget that suicidal crises are a symptom of a serious illness and not a behavior simply committed to inconvenience them.
Bipolar disorder has changed me forever. When I was first diagnosed with a mood disorder, they said this wouldn’t happen. When I was first diagnosed with a mood disorder, they said I would go back to who I was before it started. When I was first diagnosed with a mood disorder, every question they asked what about comparing my medicated self to my old self. But they were wrong and their questions were irrelevant, bipolar disorder has changed me for life and no medication is going to change that.
I’ve talked about mood tracking before but, really, mood tracking starts with mood self-monitoring. In other words, there is nothing to track if you don’t know what’s going on in the first place. If you can’t say that you’re anxious, for example, then how are you going to track how anxious you are? But mood self-monitoring sucks because it’s a 24-hour-a day, seven-days-a-week kind-of-a-thing. With bipolar disorder, you never get a break from mood self-monitoring.
I answer this question all the time: “How do I help someone with mental illness who denies their mental illness and won’t accept help?” It’s a constant problem for loved ones. People with mental illness frequently won’t accept their mental illness and won’t accept mental illness help because of it. And, not surprisingly, friends and family members don’t know what to do. If you love someone with a mental illness who won’t accept it, here are some suggestions of what to do.
I’ve written a lot about bipolar mixed moods but not necessarily what bipolar mixed moods actually feel like. While it’s true mixed moods exist in bipolar I and bipolar II and it’s true mixed moods tend to worsen psychomotor agitation and increase the risk of suicide, this doesn’t tell you how bipolar mixed moods actually feel. This is different for everyone, but here is a window into how I experience mixed moods.
On this World Bipolar Day, I thought I’d focus on some of the most popular posts that tell people what they need to know about bipolar disorder. These are posts that thousands have searched for and read spanning seven years. And what’s more is I think these posts are bipolar myth-busting. Share one or more on social media to help bust bipolar myths (not to mention stigma).
Turmeric (curcumin) may be a new, inexpensive depression and anxiety treatment. It’s early days on this one, but it’s worth noting because it is so available and inexpensive. Here is where the research is on turmeric as a treatment for depression and anxiety.
I get nasty headaches with bipolar disorder. I don’t think they’re migraines, but I do have to take medication and typically have to lie down for the headaches to go away. They tend to happen about two hours after I get up in the morning (meaning medication side effects may play a part, certainly). And I know that I’m not the only person with bipolar disorder suffering with headaches or even migraines – there is, actually, a known link.
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