As I’ve mentioned before, people with bipolar disorder, statistically, spend more time depressed than they do manic or hypomanic. People with bipolar II have it the worst. People with bipolar II can spend up to 3.8* times more time depressed than hypomanic. This means that if you’re a symptomatic bipolar II, you’re probably feeling depressed right now.
And, of course, depression is a big problem in bipolar disorder as there are only two Food and Drug Administration-approved treatments for bipolar depression (although other treatments are prescribed off label).
While that picture is dark, I would argue there is one aspect of depression that’s more within our control but is equally debilitating. It’s (often obsessively) feeling bad about feeling bad.
Feeling Bad about Feeling Bad?
What I mean is that when you’re depressed, you feel really bad about being depressed. You feel like it’s your fault. You feel like it’s something you have done. You feel guilty about it. You feel disappointed in yourself. You feel embarrassed about how disabled you are by it. In short, you feel bad about feeling so darn bad.
What’s Wrong with Feeling Bad about Feeling Bad?
And the trouble with this snake-eating-its-tail cycle, is that feeling bad about feeling bad feeds into the depression. I have said before that depression wants to live, in and of itself, so it tends to produce symptoms that will perpetuate themselves. If you allow your depression to convince you to feel bad about being depressed, then you will make yourself more depressed and this will just make you feel worse about it.
Depression Isn’t Your Fault
Now I’m not saying you can just think yourself out of depression (although some people will tell you that) what I’m saying is that you can think yourself out of a part of one effect. What you can do is you can fight the depression by not allowing it to convince you to feel bad about it. What you can do is stand up and say, “Depression, you are not my fault and I refuse to feel bad about having an illness.”
I believe that when we stand up like this, we help ourselves minimize the depression (to the extent that we can). And I recommend saying that statement right out loud when you find yourself feeling bad about feeling bad. You might not even believe it. That’s okay. Say it anyway. Standing up like that matters.
I always tell people to treat themselves gently. Treat yourself with love and care. Wrap your arm around the you that is depressed. You deserve that kind of support. You don’t deserve to feel bad about being sick.
* Please note the original stat I pulled for this number was more than 30 times more time depressed. That reference was from WebMD and was very, very wrong (serves me right for trusting WebMD). The existing statistic has been verified by research. Click the above link to see the study. I apologize for the confusion.
Hey! Natasha
So I’ve been reading your blog for quite sometime now. I wanted to THANKYOU for writing. It’s truly very knowledgefull and helpful. I am 17 and I’ve been diagnosed by bipolar ll. Your blog helps me fight it and fight the stigma around mental illness.
Also I read a book about a girl with bipolar- Call me crazy by quinn loftis. I wanted to tell all the people here that this book helped me a lot. If you are a reader then read it. I am sure it will help.
Stay strong everyone we can fight this togther.
You’re very welcome Kat. Happy to help :)
– Natasha Tracy
This article really lifted me up today. Thank you for helping me breathe easy, free of guilt about not feeling well and being unable to partake in all that I’d like to do. Bless you for offering this resource.
great article.
Hey! :) koodos to this article n everyone for sharing! Currently it’s mid afternoon beautiful sunny day, and again I hideaway from the world. Being extremely verbally bashed for my whole life (dad/husband), can’t fathom how to function as responsible GROWN 46yr old woman on her own. Tremendous insightful ideas/thought patterns I’m sure I’m queen of! Haha) Yet going to the cornor store I find is, well, can wait another day. Headcase failure boring weird nerd trouble crazy and other colorful choice words, I have embraced with some humor! Honestly only because I’m sick of being “sick”. Really, still can’t breath hate to sleep and why won’t someone take my hand and start me on getting help?….HMPH….it’s my problem. Well, gotta tidy up now:) OCD.(2yrs now)..much better than sleeping away life (40yrs)!…LOL.. :) ?
I know this topic is old, at this time, but I came across it…
I was raised by a mother who, for all intensive purposes, had Bipolar of some sort. Relatives have said, since her passing, that she did actually receive a diagnosis at one time. All I really know is that she exhibited many of the symptoms and quite often.
One of her things to me and my 2 sisters was: you are not allowed to feel bad and more importantly; you are not to get out of your responsibility (ie., work) just because you feel bad. Unless you have blood-crap-vomit-urine (or all 4 at same time) or some other bodily fluid, pouring from any orifice and or place – or you have a broken something or another – you were TO WORK.
Kid with a 103 degree temp and strep throat, could not just stay home and sleep… you stayed home from school but you scrubbed the walls with Clorox, or scoured the tub, or something… otherwise; you are worthless.
So, where does this go in relation to here and now? When I feel bad, be it physical or mental or even both… I CANNOT and WILL NOT allow myself to stop, or sit down, or lay down, or crawl up. If I do, then I am worthless.. it’s what my mind screams at me.. reverberating throughout and off the inside of my skull cap.
You can not be sick and certainly, you cannot be sicker than momma. You can’t be worse, than momma. You couldn’t have worse problems or symptoms, than momma. See where this rolls?
So, you take meds – you feel better – you stop meds… all so that you, can work… because if you aren’t working or doing something responsible, then you are worthless
runs through my head…. always through my head
My 24 year old daughter has been struggling with bipolar I for 8 painful horrible years. Thank you for this blog.
Hi Natasha :)
I have Bipolar also and I can’t find too many others to chat with. Your Blog is right on target with me although because of the stigma of having ANYTHING wrong in head,I am afraid to let the cat out of the bag trying to find some friends,I have 1 friend that also has it and we text but she never really opens up and I’m not going to push her to do so ,But I DO wish I could find a friend who has Bipolar who could open up. But Anyway,I like your blog and follow you on Twitter. Even though I know that you could not be that friend because well,,your a busy person. And thats just fine,but as to your blog I hope to read more of them. Yours truly Andrew :)
Hey Andrew :) You can email me anytime you want. I have bipolar and borderline and would love to help anyway I can :)
Your site is the first to speak accurately of my disease for me. Thank you, I now have better resources to provide to my family.
Thank-you so much Becca.
Your comment is the reason I do this.
– Natasha Tracy
I liked this post, because I know that vicious cycle too well. Thank you for tackling this.
Nice.post. It helps me as a clin8ican, empathize more with my clients. The struggle is so all encompassing with bipolar disorder. thanks for sharing your story. I
The “bad” feeling is your friend- it’s letting you know that you’re feeling separate from your Higher Self. Your Higher Self ( Big YOU) is cool with it all, but that “small you” gets frustrated, jealous, angry etc. by your “reality” and experiences separation and discord. It’s not in harmony with Higher Self and so you feel “bad”.
You know, Trey, after years of suffering from depression, I can honestly say NO, it is not my friend. I can assure you that it is nobody’s friend. It is insulting for you to say that.
I too relate very strongly to this post. Guilt is something I carry with me all the time and when I’m depressed I feel guilty for everything. I feel guilty for being depressed and guilty that I can’t talk myself up and guilty that my family and friends have to deal wtih my downward spiral and guilty that my blessings in my life aren’t enough to cheer me up. Just plain out guilty and worthless! I appreciate your blog so much and it gives me hope that there are other people having the same thoughts and battles as me.
Natasha Tracy, you are my psychic twin or something. You get at sometimes very elusive, sometimes obvious as hell phenomena (that dominate my life) and describe them perfectly. When I am depressed, my self-hatred spins out of control, and I am caught up in a perfect storm of obsessive guilt for being depressed, for feeling guilty, for self-harming to deal with the guilt — just an endless cycle. The only thing I’ve found that jolts me (;) out of it is ECT. Then I have to wind down the residual slightly less obsessive thoughts (including guilt for needing ECT and putting my family to the trouble) in therapy until I’m minimally functional again.All of this takes place on large does of meds too of course….The thing that is special to me from this particular article is the idea of depression as an organism that’s driven to live, to grow, to eat up your brain in order to keep itself alive. That is a new image for me — and it’s so repellant it might even work in helping me to stop this cycle. <3
timely post for me. Thank you. Depression is the place where I spend the majority of my time and I know education and self talk are key.
To what approved drugs are you referring? I don’t believe the situation is so, so bleak. I research bipolar disorder a great deal. I don’t think we should downplay the medications such as Lamictal although they were designed for other disorders that can work very well for many. Just my opinion.
Hi Helen,
The two drugs that are actually approved are quetiapine and an olanzapine/fluoxetine combination. While I like lamotrigine, as a drug, I suspect it doesn’t, clinically, have the same effect size which is why it was never FDA approved in the treatment of bipolar depression.
– Natasha Tracy
The fluoxetine mix puzzles me. Just today I read an article in Medscape for Physicians questioning its use in any manner. So, of course, I had to do more searching, and Mayo Clinic recommends it. I take Pristiq, an offshoot of Effexor as well as Lamictal plus a few others and have had my best results. I don’t necessarily trust the FDA in all circumstances. It’s clearly documented that drugs that have provided superior results in Europe are not approved here for years. Just another friendly observation.
Hello Natasha, I know this feeling your referring to oh so well. I always blame myself for being ill! I don’t know how not to feel guilty,and like a pathetic loser. Even though I have worked very hard in my life with accomplishments that everybody could see as well as babysitting my 4 children at the same time, Spent 2 tours in the Army,Graduated college, Why do I feel like a loser or feel bad about feeling bad? But I do!