Settling in a Relationship Because of Bipolar
Do you feel broken? I sometimes do. I sometimes feel very broken. I sometimes feel like the bipolar disorder has damaged me beyond repair. I sometimes feel like the bipolar disorder has damaged me beyond reason.
I sometimes feel like it would be impossible for another human being with a functioning brain to want me.
And this is too bad because it can lead to some very bad decisions regarding relationships. I’ve seen people with bipolar who feel this way stay with people who were entirely beneath them because they feel like that broken toy. The person with bipolar disorder feels like she/he doesn’t deserve any better.
This may be wrong. This definitely is wrong. But it doesn’t mean that some part of our brains doesn’t still believe it.
Feeling Broken with Bipolar
I honestly feel like anyone with bipolar feels if not slightly, then entirely, broken, sometimes, from the bipolar disorder. It’s an easy way to feel. Our brains do not work properly. Our brains are all confused and mangled. Our brains don’t send out the right signals. And our brains are so much of who we are it can feel like we are the mangled ones, instead of merely an organ. You put depression on top of that, where self-esteem damage is an actual symptom, and you get a person who feels very, very badly about himself.
And, not surprisingly, anyone who doesn’t feel good about himself is likely to accept poor treatment from other human beings because he feels like somehow he “deserves” it. Or, perhaps that he simply deserves no better.
People with bipolar often feel like they’re lucky just to be with anyone at all and however other people treat them is just a price they have to pay not to be alone.
If we’re so broken, they we deserve what we get, relationship-wise.
Of Course, We’re Not Broken
Of course, people with bipolar disorder are not broken. Our brains might be but we are much more than our brains, and we, in our entirety, are not broken. Different, maybe, but broken, no.
The trouble is, even though this makes sense and most people with bipolar disorder do fundamentally understand this, there’s so often some secret part of us that doesn’t believe it. Some tiny little part of our hindbrain sends out the signal that we’re not worth it. Our subconscious allows us to be treated as if we’re broken, even though we’re obviously not.
People with Bipolar Disorder Deserve Elated Love
But the fact of the matter is, we need to uncover these false thoughts, stand up to them, and clearly state that we, as people with bipolar disorder, deserve love as much as anyone else. We’re just humans. Just like everyone. And as your regular-type humans, we deserve what everyone else deserves and I believe that is delirious happiness. We deserve partners that treat us like the beautiful and wonderful creatures we are (while we treat them the same way).
Recently I said that bipolar treatment that is just “good enough,” isn’t and relationships are the same. Relationships that are just there, relationships that are just “good enough,” aren’t. We deserve better. We deserve the best. Like everyone else.