It’s a commonly held belief that there are close links between bipolar disorder and the creative voice. If you just type the words “bipolar” and “artist” into any Internet search engine, the names of Vincent Van Gogh, Jackson Pollock and even Michelangelo scream out at you like the painted hero of alleged fellow sufferer, Edvard Munch.
Much as I hesitate to mention myself in the same breath as these four great artists, I do believe this theory to be true. As a girl, I walked the unstable line between anxiety and precociousness. If I was charming and witty, I was also withdrawn, furious and conceited in equal measure. Yet one thing was unerringly constant: the crayon in my hand. Despite various professional flirtations, what I was to become – an artist – was never really in question. By the time I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 19, it didn’t really come as a shock. I was an artist, and all artists were “crazy,” right?
And when we look at these reactions, the emotions, thoughts and actions involved form a chain. I call this the emotional chain. And this chain drives bipolar reactions both mentally and physically. But what is an emotional chain and how can be break it when need be?
I’m a very logical person. I’m an intellectual. I was raised that way and I remain that way to this day. Likely, because of that, it’s more obvious to me than many that logic can be used to deal with bipolar emotions. I can separate my logical self from my emotional self. It seems to me that the general person does not do this. However, I consider applying logic to emotion a critical skill in coping with bipolar disorder.
I’ve been super stressed lately. I have so many deadlines and I’ve been working on so many projects and I have so many requests to process it’s unbelievable. And, in clear Natasha fashion, many of these things were left to the last minute due to time constraints (and admitted procrastination). Oh, and it was my birthday on Monday which I nary had a moment for.
On top of all that, I had a speaking engagement yesterday. This speaking engagement was for the Bipolar Disorder Society of British Columbia. I do many presentations for them but recently the presentation was changed at their request. No problem, but trying out this new material and fitting it into the existing timeline (which can already run long) was making me nervous. And, while usually I give this presentation to teens, this time I was giving it to teachers. This, too, was making me nervous. Teachers can be a bit critical – trust me.
Really, there was no reason to be nervous, but, secretly, I’m nervous before pretty much every speaking engagement. Luckily, no one ever knows this (except, of course, for you) but the nerves are there.
My “Normal” Bipolar Anxiety Plus Massive Stressors
So, you put my “normal” bipolar anxiety with the massive stress I was under, plus the nerves I was feeling and my anxiety was off the flipping charts.
And when things are like that, I know that one of two things will happen. The stress and anxiety will either make me hypomanic or depressed. In other words, massive stress will destabilize my mood. Period. Yes, I know it’s coming, and yes, I do it anyway. Just call me an overachiever (or masochistic).
It’s been quite a while since I’ve done a Truehope/EMPowerplus update. I had planned on more of them, initially, but when nothing major happened, I didn’t have much to report. I have come to some conclusions about my Truehope/EMPowerplus (what is Truehope/EMPowerplus) experience at five weeks, however, so I’ll share them below.
The Bipolar Burble welcomes guest author Joshua R Beharry, a Vancouver, B.C., Canada-based mental health advocate.
I developed depression in silence.
I remember the months before I became severely depressed; it was the summer of 2009. Deadlines at work had me more stressed than usual and I was increasingly unhappy with my lack of social life. I noticed my thoughts becoming more erratic and desperate but I didn’t know what this meant or where it could lead. I was 22 years old.
I saw mental illness only as a label and I didn’t want to admit I may be having issues with my own mental health. I didn’t know enough about depression to see all the warning signs. I kept silent as my thoughts grew darker and I began to fantasize about ending my life.
Depression Overwhelmed Me
I remember the night I realized I could no longer hide my depressed thoughts. I lay in bed unable to fall asleep, my stomach cramped. I felt hot, sweaty and nauseous. It was one of the longest nights of my life.
Depression is many things to many people. The common perception of depression is that you’re “just” really sad all the time, and while this is true for many who suffer depression, this is not a universal norm. Some people don’t feel sad, per se, they feel nothing; they feel dead inside.
Over 70 articles were published here on the Bipolar Burble blog in 2013. Some were hits and some not so much. So today I’d like to look back at two top 5 lists: the most-read bipolar blog articles of 2013 and the most talked-about bipolar blog articles of 2013.
The Most-Read Bipolar Blog Articles of 2013
Here’s what you were reading on this bipolar blog that was written in 2013:
How a Person with Bipolar Thinks – this bipolar blog article went viral and contributed to the greatest number of pages views in a single day on the Bipolar Burble. If you haven’t read it yet, you might be the only one. This post outlines the quirky ways in which the bipolar brain thinks including obsession, anxiety, distraction, overreaction and other thought patterns.
Can You Treat Bipolar Disorder without Medication? – this bipolar blog post has been popular since it has been written both with direct visitors and by people searching for information on the topic. Here I outline some of the non-medication ways to treat bipolar depression and at the bottom of the article is a link to more information on non-medication ways to treat bipolar mania.
Hi all. I try not to overly promote my events on this bipolar blog so the Bipolar Burble blog can focus on content, but this time I thought a couple of things deserved a word: a speaking engagement you can all attend for free and an award that I’m a little proud of.
Natasha Tracy Speaking on Blog Talk Radio
So, this Sunday, January 5th at 4 PM PST (7 PM EST) I will be talking to MissADD. As she says:
Please join me this coming Sunday, January 5, 2014, as I welcome to the show Natasha Tracy.She is an award-winning writer and speaker from the Pacific Northwest. She specializes in writing about bipolar disorder, depression, pharmacology, and other mental health issues. Her expertise has been sought after by academics and reporters, she is to be featured in an upcoming documentary on bipolar disorder, and she has been a speaker at the National Council Mental Health and Addictions conference. She was named the second most influential online depression writer by Sharecare.com. Natasha and I will be discussing Bipolar disorder and ADHD. She will be talking about her own diagnosis with bipolar disorder, and how she has learned to embrace this, and approach it from a positive place. We will also be discussing tips for enlightening us to be able to understand what bipolar disorder is, and the best way to treat it. Natasha will also discuss Mindfulness, and how it has changed her life!
It’s going to be an informal conversation and I hope you’ll be part of it by calling in to (917) 889-7025.
I’m really excited about it and I hope to hear the voices of some of you folks so we can “meet,” as it were.
Social HeathMakers in the Category Mental Health
It was recently announced that I’m the fourth most influential social HealthMaker according to Sharecare.com. You might remember that I made their list for the most influential in the category of depression, but now I’ve made it all the way to making changes mental health wide.
I recently posted an article at HealthyPlace where I recommended some New Year’s resolutions for people with bipolar disorder. These resolutions included:
I was really nervous to have to tell my doctor that I had decided to take the Truehope product EMPowerplus. I was pretty sure he was going to either laugh or chastise me out of his office. My anxiety about it was so bad that I didn’t want to mention it at all. Of course, that would have been a poor decision. Allowing anxiety to override your logic is never the right call.
So I told him and surprisingly, he was nonplussed. He just sort of said, “Alright then.”
I am now on day 11 of my EMPowerplus experiment and, yes, I have talked to my doctor about it (more on that later). Here’s what I have to report about the EMPowerplus:
I started on half a dose – that’s two pills in the morning and two in the evening.
Pretty much as soon as I started taking the EMPowerplus I started feeling giddy. Not quite hypomanic but notably elevated and different, although not better.
On day five I experienced an official rapid cycle from hypomania one day to serious debilitating depression the next day.
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