As I have stated, over and over, that to experience bipolar disorder is to experience such inflated emotions that they swallow you whole. Bipolar emotions are bigger than you and the particularly nasty ones are bigger than any therapy or coping skill could ever be.
However, not every emotion is a bipolar emotion. Just because I feel a strong emotion like anger, sadness or elation, that doesn’t mean it’s a bipolar overreaction I’m feeling. It’s not necessarily depression, mania or hypomania. Sometimes, people with bipolar disorder feel just like everyone else. Sometimes we’re just reasonably mad.
But there’s a very underserved community in conjunction with suicide and that is the loved ones left behind by suicide. They are suicide survivors too. These people are left with a void. These people are left with a hole in their hearts and a hole in the information that’s available. But there are things I think you should know if your loved one commits suicide.
So, as it turns out I’m a bit of a mental illness stigma eraser – or at least so sayeth the amazing folks at Didi Hirsch. I’m extremely proud, honoured and humbled to announce that Didi Hirsch will be honouring me at this year’s Erasing the Stigma Leadership Awards in Los Angeles.
Recently I have been talking about bipolar coping skills. Really, I talk about bipolar coping skills all the time. Recently, though, there have been two:
In both cases, I argue that these techniques can help you in your everyday life. These coping skills are things that you can apply every day (pretty much all day) to try to dampen some of the overwhelmingness that is bipolar disorder.
However, practicing bipolar coping skills is a bit of an art. Sure, you could try to use them every moment of the day, and if that works for you, then great, but that’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself. I would suggest that’s not the best way to go about practicing bipolar coping skills.
Those of you who follow me know that I’m not a big fan of TrueHope/EMPowerplus, in spite of having tried EMPowerplus myself. And one of the things I complained about is the lack of double-blind, controlled studies of the supplement. Well, one scientific study has now been published and I figured I should mention it to be fair. This new study indicates preliminary evidence for Truehope/EMPowerplus (a micronutrient formula) in the treatment of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
Among many things, I have been accused of dismissing the pain of psychiatric patients. Oh, excuse me, “psychiatric survivors.” And I would like to clarify something – I have done no such thing. I, personally, have my own painful stories about psychiatry and I don’t dismiss mine so why, exactly, would I dismiss anyone else’s?
It’s a commonly held belief that there are close links between bipolar disorder and the creative voice. If you just type the words “bipolar” and “artist” into any Internet search engine, the names of Vincent Van Gogh, Jackson Pollock and even Michelangelo scream out at you like the painted hero of alleged fellow sufferer, Edvard Munch.
Much as I hesitate to mention myself in the same breath as these four great artists, I do believe this theory to be true. As a girl, I walked the unstable line between anxiety and precociousness. If I was charming and witty, I was also withdrawn, furious and conceited in equal measure. Yet one thing was unerringly constant: the crayon in my hand. Despite various professional flirtations, what I was to become – an artist – was never really in question. By the time I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 19, it didn’t really come as a shock. I was an artist, and all artists were “crazy,” right?
And when we look at these reactions, the emotions, thoughts and actions involved form a chain. I call this the emotional chain. And this chain drives bipolar reactions both mentally and physically. But what is an emotional chain and how can be break it when need be?
I’m a very logical person. I’m an intellectual. I was raised that way and I remain that way to this day. Likely, because of that, it’s more obvious to me than many that logic can be used to deal with bipolar emotions. I can separate my logical self from my emotional self. It seems to me that the general person does not do this. However, I consider applying logic to emotion a critical skill in coping with bipolar disorder.
I’ve been super stressed lately. I have so many deadlines and I’ve been working on so many projects and I have so many requests to process it’s unbelievable. And, in clear Natasha fashion, many of these things were left to the last minute due to time constraints (and admitted procrastination). Oh, and it was my birthday on Monday which I nary had a moment for.
On top of all that, I had a speaking engagement yesterday. This speaking engagement was for the Bipolar Disorder Society of British Columbia. I do many presentations for them but recently the presentation was changed at their request. No problem, but trying out this new material and fitting it into the existing timeline (which can already run long) was making me nervous. And, while usually I give this presentation to teens, this time I was giving it to teachers. This, too, was making me nervous. Teachers can be a bit critical – trust me.
Really, there was no reason to be nervous, but, secretly, I’m nervous before pretty much every speaking engagement. Luckily, no one ever knows this (except, of course, for you) but the nerves are there.
My “Normal” Bipolar Anxiety Plus Massive Stressors
So, you put my “normal” bipolar anxiety with the massive stress I was under, plus the nerves I was feeling and my anxiety was off the flipping charts.
And when things are like that, I know that one of two things will happen. The stress and anxiety will either make me hypomanic or depressed. In other words, massive stress will destabilize my mood. Period. Yes, I know it’s coming, and yes, I do it anyway. Just call me an overachiever (or masochistic).
It’s been quite a while since I’ve done a Truehope/EMPowerplus update. I had planned on more of them, initially, but when nothing major happened, I didn’t have much to report. I have come to some conclusions about my Truehope/EMPowerplus (what is Truehope/EMPowerplus) experience at five weeks, however, so I’ll share them below.
The Bipolar Burble welcomes guest author Joshua R Beharry, a Vancouver, B.C., Canada-based mental health advocate.
I developed depression in silence.
I remember the months before I became severely depressed; it was the summer of 2009. Deadlines at work had me more stressed than usual and I was increasingly unhappy with my lack of social life. I noticed my thoughts becoming more erratic and desperate but I didn’t know what this meant or where it could lead. I was 22 years old.
I saw mental illness only as a label and I didn’t want to admit I may be having issues with my own mental health. I didn’t know enough about depression to see all the warning signs. I kept silent as my thoughts grew darker and I began to fantasize about ending my life.
Depression Overwhelmed Me
I remember the night I realized I could no longer hide my depressed thoughts. I lay in bed unable to fall asleep, my stomach cramped. I felt hot, sweaty and nauseous. It was one of the longest nights of my life.
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