The way I see it, bipolar disorder presents a problem with motivation (you know, among all the other bipolar problems). Many people in acute bipolar moods suffer from too much, unrestrained motivation or no motivation at all. Either way you slice it, it’s a bitch.
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Ah psychiatric medication. I know; it’s really what we all love to hate in mental illness. Psychiatric medication can fix you up or pull you down and many of us have experienced both these things.
But there are more risky psychiatric medications and less risky psychiatric medications, in my estimation anyway. And one of the major ways to judge risk is based on history.
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OK, I understand that a suicide attempt is not a suicide attempt if the end desire is not death, but stick with me here, I have a point.
Believe it or not, I get a lot of searches on this site by people searching for ways to attempt suicide and not die (their words). And while many people may find this unbelievable, I don’t actually think it’s all that uncommon. I think many people make suicide attempts that are less about death and more about screaming for help.
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A large part of what I do as a writer is explain to people what it feels like to have bipolar disorder. I explain and I explain and I explain what it is to have a sick brain. I explain and I explain and I explain what it feels like. What it lives like. Honestly, it’s a tall order at the best of times.
But now, after the holidays, after family, after time away, I am way too tired to tell you what it feels like to be bipolar.
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The holidays are here. I know; it seems like they shouldn’t be; but all the inflatable snowmen, tacky garland and lit icicles cannot be denied – it’s holiday time.
Many of us dread the holidays, and even those who don’t can find it difficult to stay even-keeled throughout. Mood shifts are all too common this time of year and many people spend the New Year looking for ways to get back from mania (or hypomania) or depression.
So here’s my guide to staying sane, or at least dealing with bipolar, during the holidays.
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Many people with bipolar depression are suicidal. Not all, of course, but many. Most people with bipolar depression, in fact, most people who are suicidal, do not kill themselves though. In fact, you can live with suicidality for years without ever killing yourself or even attempting to kill yourself.
And while people stay alive for many reasons, I have my own reasons for not killing myself.
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Yup, it’s the gift-giving season. I’m buying some gifts that I can’t afford and others that I don’t like. Ah, the holidays.
But the question is, are there gifts that are actually appropriate for someone with bipolar disorder?
Actually, yes, there are.
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As I’ve said many times, people view me as a high-functioning bipolar. And to a large extent, this is true. I do many things every day that many people with bipolar disorder can’t do because of their illness. I do battle with my bipolar demons and win more than some others. But here’s the thing: I still find bipolar disorder, and life, to a large extent completely overwhelming and I feel paralyzed by it.
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Asking someone with severe depression how they’re doing is very much like asking someone who is repeatedly being bashed over the head by a 2” X 4” how they’re doing.
How are you doing?
Oh, I’m fine, except for the 2” X 4” smashing into my skull.
Asking a depressed person how they’re doing is the same. They’re fine, except for the crippling, soul-sucking depression.
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